Garden gnomes. So charming. So whimsical. So innocent.
That’s exactly what they want you to think.
The diminutive dudes are dangerous, says author Chuck Sambuchino. Yet we invite them into our yards — which are conveniently close to our doors. A little too close. Sambuchino has written the definitive guide to fighting back against the cheery little lawn goblins:
The gnomes hate our freedom. They’ll do anything it takes to bring us to our knees. At which point we’d still be a lot taller than they are, but slightly more vulnerable, I suppose. Would you take that chance with your loved ones?
Only vigilance can thwart a such an attack. Should the yard ornaments rise up, a source of quick energy will be needed. That’s why I’m pairing the book with a sweet and creamy adrenaline substitute:
This 3.5-oz. dark chocolate bar, from Bloomsberry & Co. of New Zealand, is designed “for immediate relief of chocolate cravings, lovesickness, exam pressure, mild anxiety and extreme hunger.” Just the thing for a gnome attack, too. (Or you could set it aside for a Valentine’s Day gift.)
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