From the odds and ends of the BlogHer 2011 exhibitors hall comes this bag of necessities. Good for temp workers, state employees, cubicle dwellers and anyone who needs to know that the boss is sneaking up on him.
Nissan Thermos insulated travel tumber: Stainless steel with a flip-top drink lid that lets you enjoy the coffee that you brewed at home since you can’t afford a coffee stop. Or if you can afford it, ask them to fill up this mug instead of a paper cup. You get to feel all environmentally friendly that way.
Coffee-Mate Natural Bliss coffee creamer: This product is made with milk, cream, sugar and natural flavors and comes in vanilla, caramel and sweet cream flavors. Redeem this free coupon when it’s time to chip in for the coffee fund. Or keep it at home and add it to the brew you bring in your new stainless-steel mug.
An 8-inch pen: No one can walk off with this one.
A 4-pack of rollergel pens: You’ll want to guard against people walking off with these pens, made by The Write Dudes. They’re pretty.
Hershey’s lunch bag: Who can afford to eat out every day? It bears the “Hershey’s” logo and is — you guessed it — chocolate brown. Could actually be used as a fun purse.
Foam laptop bag: In case you bring your computer to work. It’s red, it’s made of some kind of foldable foam and it says “LG” on it.
An i-Bean: I didn’t know what that was, either. Turns out to be a set of retractable headphones with up to 3.5 feet of cord. Works for phone or MP3 player and, apparently, most airline jacks. It, too, has a logo: “Lipton 100% Natural Iced Tea.”
Protective rear-view mirror: Affix this to the edge of a cubicle wall or your computer screen lest the boss get close enough to read your Facebook updates.
Internet Security Suite Plus: This is from CA Technologies. You download it using the URL on the back of the card. It promises a $20 American Express gift card if you enroll in the auto-renewal program. If you like the service, go for it.
Book o’stickies. It looks like a small notebook but opens to display small and medium Post-It notes plus five colors of the skinny little stickies you use as document page marks.
Stress ball: Squeeze this instead of grinding your teeth.
Sticky dart guys: Two little humanoids with sticky caps instead of heads. Throw them at a wall and they stick! Throw them at the ceiling and they stick, too, but you’ll have trouble getting them back. Christen them silently with the names of the most annoying people in the office, and fling them around when you need to let off steam.
Microfiber cloth: Wipe your computer screen, or your glasses. The cloth comes tucked into a tiny pouch that can clip onto your keychain.
Hip flask: I know I shouldn’t be encouraging people to drink on the job. Here’s another idea: Fill it with your booze of choice. When the whole gang goes out for happy hour, order a soft drink. Hold it below the bar level and surreptitiously spike the soda. Yes, this is wrong, too.
Google sunglasses: Bright red, with the Google logo on one stem. They’ll ease the glare if last night’s happy hour was just a little too happy.
Mints: A little tin of what I think are peppermints. Maybe they have a different flavor. Don’t you just love a mystery? Plus, they’ll mask any on-the-job tippling.
These items will be packaged in a large, zippered tote bag that’s ideal for stealing office supplies the day you’re laid off. Just kidding.
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