Black Friday and sex.

My unconventionally coiffed friend J. Money is nothing if not a realist. He figured that “about a bazillion” Black Friday posts would go up in the PF blogosphere right before the big day.

So he decided to make his own post about sex. Pretty much what you might expect from a guy whose site is called Budgets Are Sexy.

Of his “10 ways Black Friday is like sex,” my favorites were:

  • No. 1, “Being the first in line has its advantages”
  • No. 3, “You can do it in groups (or by yourself)”
  • No. 6, “If you don’t get it wrapped, you’ll regret it later”

How could I resist responding, as it were?

Although I’d been up most of the night doing Black Friday midnight sales and then writing “A mall and the night visitors,” I immediately hit the comments section with “Ten reasons Black Friday isn’t like sex.”

J. Money dared me to post it on my own site. He should know better than to dare me to do anything.

So here are 10 differences between Black Friday and sexual congress:

10. Most deals are cash only
9. No discounts for bringing your own, um, shopping bag
8. The shopping bags can’t be reused (eeewww)
7. No coupons, dammit
6. No BOGOS, either
5. An underage “sales clerk” could mean big trouble
4. You won’t be offered coffee and doughnuts
3. Finishing early is NOT a plus
2. The ads for it are even more misleading than Black Friday ones
Finally, the No. 1 reason sex is different than Black Friday: The women generally wind up more satisfied than the men.


28 Comments

  1. JUST LIKE TABLOID that steer-up the cuirosity of reader who aren’t sure of what to read only to be left disappionted. New media journalism at it best.

    • Donna Freedman

      @Mabu: Who micturated in your cornflakes this morning? It was a simple bit of humor, not “journalism.”
      Also, I think you mean “stir-up,” not “steer-up.” You might want to give spell-check a try for the rest of your comment, too.

  2. Donna,
    Hilarious post. Mabu’s problem? He went for sex instead of a little humor. You were mistaken for porn!

  3. One of your funniest posts ever! Loved it!

  4. Clever as usual!

  5. HAHAHAHA on number one!!!!!!!

  6. “3. Finishing early is NOT a plus”

    True dat. ;)

  7. Simply outstanding. =D

  8. lostAnnfound

    Thanks for the laugh this morning!

  9. Well would you look what the cat brought home ;) Nicely played, my friend. Nicely played.

  10. Bahahahaha! I loved this! Nice job!

  11. I didn’t participate in the madness of Black friday. I didn’t have any sex either. Come to think of it I don’t do malls!!! (or ?) these days either. definately an analogy for me!!

  12. Owie! Sometimes you make me laugh too hard.

    • Donna Freedman

      @Nicoleandmaggie: It doesn’t really hurt unless you’re drinking soda while reading. (Owie, indeed.)
      Thanks for reading. And laughing.

  13. Bwahahahahahaha! That’s all I have to say, but now I need advice about what to tell my two-year-old when she asks, “Why mom laugh?”

  14. LOVE this! Thank you! In your face JMoney! hehe

  15. aussiemum03

    That was too cute :)

  16. @ Donna

    Or the ligaments in your belly are stretched out funny…

  17. My gosh, this was too funny. Always up for a challenge, ah Donna?

  18. Very funny! Make sure you send this to Dave Letterman.

  19. Diana Bombach

    Awesome! And #1 was perfect!

  20. Number 2 reminded me of one of my favorite lines from the film “Bonnie and Clyde” with Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty: “You’re advertising is just dandy. Folks would never know you didn’t have nothing to sell.”

  21. Whoops! That’s your not “you’re”.

  22. TOO FUNNY! Take that, Letterman! Now I have to go read JMoney’s . . .

  23. ImJuniperNow

    Oh, my virgin eyes!

    Uh, No. 6, you can get BOGOs, but the second one is always of lesser value.

    And No. 1, please add that the MEN end up doing the waiting!!!!!!

    Giggity-giggity!!!!!

  24. This one is so funny…glad to have found you Ms freedman :-) )

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