(Happy Throwback Thursday! This piece originally ran on July 21, 2015. Right now seemed like a good time to remind ourselves that a lot of the things we think are necessities really aren’t.)
The response to my early-June reboot of “Surviving (and thriving) on $12,000 a year” was humbling. It was great to see reader comments about the impact this piece had on their lives.
When the post originally ran (January 2007) it got more response than anything else MSN Money published that year. The editor immediately said, “Write another one.” So I did.
The headline I chose was the one you see above; it got changed to “Living ‘poor’ and loving it.” (I refrain from comment.)
I’ve decided to re-boot the second piece as well, again in its original format vs. the MSN-edited version. Once again, asterisks indicate that updates can be found at the end.
Comedian Dick Gregory grew hungry and cold in an impoverished home. Yet his mother always assured the kids, “We ain’t poor, we’re just broke.”
Me, too.
When I wrote “Surviving (and thriving) on $12,000 a year” for MSN Money last month, some readers reacted with words like “deprivation” and “hardship.”
Who, me?
I didn’t consider myself deprived, although I could see why some people might think so. I don’t own a laptop*, television, DVD player, stereo, iPod, video-gaming system, Blackberry** or any of the other things marketed as absolute necessities.
But I have food, shelter, family, friends, a radio, a bus pass, a library card and the chance to attend a respected university.*** How could I consider myself “poor” when so many people have nothing to eat, nowhere to sleep and no chance to improve their situations?
Yet there was another reason I hesitated to call myself poor: the cultural baggage associated with the word. Poor people are lazy, stupid, immoral, shameless and incapable of making smart decisions. Poor people are losers; our country loves winners. We want poor people to trade their rags for riches. We want them to embody the American Dream.
Most of all, we want to believe that poor people are shiftless and depraved and always to blame for their poverty. Otherwise, we’d have to face the possibility that some day we, too, could wind up on the business end of the breadline.
Blaming the victims?
I’m not naive enough to think that some people don’t make bad choices. But I’m not mean-spirited enough to believe that poor people are poor only because they’re pathologically incapable of wealth. Lots of them are where they are because of sickness, unemployment, a lack of education, a dearth of opportunities. More than a few of my relatives are among them.
I joked to a cousin that our family has been practicing “how to be poor” all our lives. She agreed. “Poor just is,” she said, “and you don’t question, ‘How?’ You just do it.”
I grew up fairly broke, and stayed that way until my early 20s. Marriage and a career kept me comfortably middle-class for more than two decades. Now, at age 49, I’m a divorced student, and broke again.
Scratch that. I’m not broke. I’m poor. I’m redefining the word so that it will lose its power to harm. Being poor is what my dad would call a “useful life skill.” (He used this phrase when he wanted us to carry cinder blocks or weed the tomato patch.) And I happen to believe it’s a life skill that plenty of Americans could use, saddled as they are with credit-card debt, college-loan debt and mortgage debt. Being “poor” for a while – that is, making a conscious choice to manage money differently – would be good for them.
Here, then, are the rules for How To Be Poor:
Rule 1: Have very little money.
Rule 2: Live on it.
Rule 3: Rule 2 will change your life, if you let it.
Take charge of your life
Being poor means taking a hard look at your needs and getting ruthless about separating them from the “wants.” (I need food. I want steak.)
It means not behaving as though you still have money, because you don’t have money – you have credit cards. Using them to live beyond your means is financial suicide.
Whether you’re in debt because of bad luck or bad choices doesn’t really matter. What matters is taking charge of your situation. As the old saying goes, when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
In other words, stop spending. Dinners out, vacations, electronic toys, shopping trips, cable TV, tickets to sporting events – you simply can’t have these things right now.
But here’s the good part: once you can afford them again, you may not care if you get them. That’s where Rule 3 comes in.
An attitude of gratitude
My most important money-management tool hasn’t been figuring out how to get more, but rather discovering how little I really need and how much I already have. Sure, I look for practical ways to save. The local electric company has a reduced rate for lower-income users. I cook simple meals that cost practically nothing. I shop loss-leaders and use coupons and rebates; about once a month, I go to the food bank. Yard sales, thrift shops and dollar stores supply most other requirements.****
But how I save money isn’t the point. What’s important is knowing that I have everything I need, and also some of what I want. Although I have never been more broke, more tired or more uncertain about the future, I’ve also never been happier.*****
I’m no Zen master, but I can say that having less makes you that much more grateful for what’s in front of you. I’ve also learned that paring down possessions means a lot more room in your life as well as in your house.
Understand that my days are not a constant trudge of joyless self-denial. I occasionally get a $10 student ticket to the symphony. Usually, I go for cheaper entertainment: a new library book, a free movie preview, pay-what-you-can night at a local theatrical production.
Because school takes up so much of my time, the occasional free evening is often most enjoyably spent on a long hot soak and an early bedtime (i.e. before midnight). These things may not sound exciting to everyone, but they make me happy.
I might not have selected this specific scenario for my life. But now that I have it, I’m going to see what I can learn from it. My hope is that it will make me wiser about what I eventually seek.
True prosperity
Here’s what I’ve already learned: Being poor doesn’t mean not wanting things – it means wanting the right things for the right reasons. When these clothes wear out, I’ll get new ones. In time, I’ll want a new computer for my freelance writing business. Several family members are struggling financially, so I’d like to help them. Certainly I’d love to travel.
Some day I’ll treat myself one of those small-but-mighty bookshelf sound systems****** so that music will fill my apartment with momentous impact. And I want to donate to a couple of education foundations so that others can have the same opportunities I’m getting.
Those are all nice goals, but I can still be happy if I don’t get all (or any) of them. Should I earn a good salary one day, I’ll decide which are most important and make them happen. But it won’t matter if I don’t get a high-paying job, because I know how to be poor: You live as well as you can on what you earn, and look for ways to improve your life.
True prosperity is more than just a healthy bottom line. Being rich wouldn’t necessarily make me happy, or generous. Those two states of mind have nothing to do with your bank balance. There’s a world of difference between poverty and poverty of spirit.
Not that being poor makes me noble. It doesn’t. It just makes me careful. And grateful.
*I didn’t get a laptop until May 2010.
**At that time, Blackberry was the coolest gadget ever. Gee, I’m old.
***All on scholarships and grants; no way was I going to graduate in my early 50s with a ton of student loan debt.
****Still do these things except for the reduced utility rate and the food bank. For years I paid extra for my electricity in order to donate to the fund that helped me. Also made many contributions to the food bank.
*****Found a way to top this: midlife love, which rocks.
******Never did get one. Still happy, though.
Related reading:
- If life is the currency, I’m already rich
- This isn’t your grandparents’ recession
- Think you’re broke? You probably aren’t
- Wealthy people think you could live on less
EVERYONE rich, poor, or in between needs to read this. Learn to live on what you have! Those with more, need to be a little understanding. I don’t mean offer sympathy! Just understanding.
“Wanting the right things for the right reasons” is key. To know your own right reasons is wealth indeed.
That is so true!
Your parents and my parents must have learnt from the same book – when we were hauling rocks, painting the house, digging a trench (to lay plumbing in for the new garage we were building) or any of the other myriad of
slave laborlovely tasks my parents came up for us, we were told that we were “building character”My brothers and I often muttered darkly to each other that our parents had 4 kids because they needed the cheap labor but – we learned good work ethics, so I can’t really complain!
“I’m not naive enough to think that some people don’t make bad choices. But I’m not mean-spirited enough to believe that poor people are poor only because they’re pathologically incapable of wealth.”
^^This.
I can’t even think about how far my husband’s stints of unemployment have set us back. Ugh.
Better not think too hard about it, or you’ll ruin your stomach lining over something you can’t change. But I know what you mean.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
Wow….I can’t believe it has been 8 years. You have just got to shake your head some time as to the “voyage” you have taken….
Have trouble believing it myself, sometimes.
I remember reading your first post on Surviving and Thriving on $12,000. I never read this one, so thank you for posting it. Sometimes it gets discouraging trying to pay down debt. Reading this post helps a lot with learning to live with what you have and doing so with grace and dignity. Thanks once again for reminding us of what is really important.
Wow, Donna. I think I had the opposite experience of yours. I grew up quite comfortable, though my parents were always frugal and careful about managing their money. Then I got married, had kids, got mired in debt, and ended up getting a crash course in broke.
And here I thought I was being original when I told my kids, “We’re not poor; we’re just broke.” To my way of thinking, poor was lasting and hard to get out of, while broke was transient and would soon be overcome.
Well, broke has lasted for 20+ years, but they’ve been a good 20+ years, filled with good times and closeness.
Living within your means and enjoying what you have are good lessons for anyone to learn, as is giving back–or giving forward–when you are able. Thanks for the post. It was just what I needed this morning!
I hate the prejudice on the poor people. They don’t equal losers in any way. Maybe pitiful, but not poor. But yeah, being broke sounds a bit better.
Glad to see how your life has changed until now. And you’re still being amazing and grateful. I hope others can read this and feel your words too.
Amazing post!
I was poor because I left an abusive marriage with nothing to my name and a 15 month old baby to raise. I struggled to pay for childcare and buy a house. That was 20 years ago now but I look back at those days as amongst the happiest of my life. I celebrated every little triumph and change of fortune and the challenge of surviving and getting ahead on very little. I have never since taken anything for granted and I feel grateful every day for having survived those times and the blessings in my life today. I’d like to think too it has given me a generous spirit and an empathy with those less fortunate than myself. Thanks Donna for an excellent article.
I remember that first post! But…wasn’t that published just the day before yesterday? 😉
Probably every culture has had its misplaced priorities. But it does seem like ours has a blind fixation on material things, to the great disadvantage of those who feel they must have every new piece of junk no matter how much debt it puts them in. And, IMHO, to the equal disadvantage of those who can’t get past their own narrow-mindedness about those less fortunate than themselves.
I have raised two children without child support on a very limited income, no help from the state or family, and although some would consider me poor, and it was tough, it did not strip me from my creativity and the ability to make things stretch. I guess, growing up the child of a sheep /wheat farmers (Moms side) and cotton/cattle farmers (dads side) I have been taught to make due with what I have, and appreciate the little I have. The Lord has given us all the ability to be creative and survive o n little to nothing, we overlook that for the desire to “Live up to the Jones” and have a Country Club life. The media has conditioned the common folk to envy the wealthy, who couldn’t wipe their nose without instruction. There will come a time when we will not have technology to rely on, and will have to embrace a “Pioneer Spirit” just to survive. My advice is, take the little you have and learn to make it go along way, start homesteading, fishing, hunting. Nothing can take the place of being “Self Reliant”. We all have gifts and talents, if you are a good baker, make deserts, take $20 and pick up a food license from the city you live in, individually wrap each piece of cake or pie, or brownie, and set up a table at the local swap meet or flee market and sell for .50 cents or $1.00 depending on the size. Make large cookies, do the same, people can walk away from a table at the swap meet and not buy anything, but most people, even when not hungry, will always stop where food is being sold, and always leave with something. I have done this, it fun, and its nice to hear people appreciate your baking or cooking. You can also sell your own venison jerky, dried apples, bananas, be creative….remember food is not gender specific, men can make money at this too. I am from Mississippi, and I have done this with individual pieces of my “Sweet Cornbread” @ $1.50 a piece while I sell my gemstone jewelry, works great. The ability to network with others will open up endless ideas. You never know who your going to meet, and friends your going to make. I hope that this has given some of you some ideas, as my southern grandpa would say ….”You need to use your head for more than just a hat rack”.
One of my favorite elementary-school teachers used that “hat rack” phrase as well.
Thank you for this lovely post!
Thank you for reading it!
This was a nice Friday morning read ~ You have a way with words that inspire others. Thank You!
Here it is 7-24-2020 and I still feel that way about your writing!
Thanks for your continued help!
Thanks, again.
Agree.
Donna–I have been following you for years. I totally love your columns and advice. I can’t say enough good things about you.
You can’t see me, but I’m blushing.
Thanks for being such a consistent reader.
Donna, I remember years ago coming across that article and reading it. It lit a fire in my belly and I scoured the internet for other articles. I went from struggling to keep up with the Jones to doing my own thing. A year or so later hubby got on board. I learned to coupon, cook (sad to say I did not learn till I was in my 40’s), reuse, do reward site and do without (proudly). All together we paid off a student loan, a couple of credit cards and then the house. We goofed and quit doing a lot of things but we never got in debt. Then 4 months ago I lost my job (it was the most income) and we are living on one income. All those old skills came back out. I am looking but I am also enjoying this chance to putter around the house. Life is fun again. So thank you for the original article.
Cathy
P.S. What happened to your forum? I loved it. So much knowledge. I even talked to you via phone a couple of times.
Thanks, Cathy. I appreciate your getting back in touch.
The MSN Money forums were ended. Sigh. But some of the other regulars, including Jestjack and AuntLeesie, show up over here.
So happy you addressed the gratitude issue. Gratitude has nothing to do with whether you are living off $12,000 a year or a million, it’s a mindset and can help frame your life. It can be incredibly heart warming to see how charitable, helpful and giving people can be – if you only open up to it. Being broke is a financial circumstance one can find oneself from time to time. I was always taught by my parents that we may be broke now and again, but we are never poor. One being a situation or a problem to solve, the other being a mindset and a way of living. Always stuck with me and I’m so very grateful for their passing it on to me.
We moved earlier this summer, I got behind in my reading so I’m just coming across this right now. I’m a longtime reader too but I don’t think I’ve ever read this piece. It blew me away. I consider you my friend in Alaska—I’m in your old neck of the woods, the Seattle area. You continually inspire me. Thanks for that and best wishes!
Thanks for your kind words. When I next get to Seattle I’m going to stage a meet-up; hope you can be there.
Donna, this is a terrific article. Thank you for reposting it for us to read.
Why, thank you.
I remember reading the edited article. It had a profound affect on my life and I am very grateful for the shove it gave me in the right direction.
Prior to reading this article, and following your blog, I was a pretty carefree spender.
Fast forward many years since I read this in 2008: my husband was diagnosed and recovered from cancer, our son graduated with a PhD, my company moved us to our ultimate retirement destination.
We were able to save enough money to fund a great retirement lifestyle.
I give you a lot of credit for giving me a hard shove in the right direction.
I was able to retire at age 62 and stay at my company long enough to earn a retirement check large enough to make up for my early Social Security payout.
Thanks again for your wonderful writing skills. You were a role model for me and you have changed my life for the better.
Thanks so much for your kind words. Remember, though, you did all the hard work.
Thanks, too, for being such a consistent reader and commenter.
I didn’t see this the first time around. Once upon a time I lived on very little, too. I remember I had a hand me down small black and white TV. I knocked it over and broke the volume knob, so it was stuck quite loud. I taped a thick washcloth over the speaker to muffle the sound. Buying a new TV never even occurred to me. It’s what I had; I’d make do. Times have changed! Thanks for the trip down memory lane.
Why are the first 20 comments from 2015?
Because the article ran here in 2015 — it’s a Throwback Thursday piece.
I’m so glad you repost these very important messages. Great refreshers for the frugal brain and always interesting reading. Thank you.
Thank you, Christine, for reading and leaving a comment. Feel free to share the link with friends.