Google wants to see me naked.

This post was ripped off inspired by a post at Budgets Are Sexy. In “I got Googled and I liked it,” J.Money listed some of the weird search engine queries that landed visitors on his site. Stuff like:

  • Unprofessional clothing (“Flip-flops and bikinis. Everything else is a gray area.”)
  • Orange sacrifices or children
  • If someone commits suicide in a home, would their ghosts be there? (“SCARY!”)
  • Sexy stories of wife sacrificing virginity for husband
  • Cheap jungle tights

J$’s post made me laugh. It also made me start looking at the search engine terms that bring readers to Surviving and Thriving. There were some funny ones*, such as:

  • Coffin in pickup truck
  • Example of short slogan about Jesus
  • Beautiful woman with a trach
  • Cheapest gift for marriage, Indian price

A persistent theme, though, is nekkidness.

There’s a reason for that – and it’s not because I was a stripper before I was a writer.

My alter Aussie ego

“Donna Freedman” is the name of a character played by Margot Robbie on an Australian soap opera called “Neighbours.” Here’s how the show’s site describes her:

You know when Donna Freedman hits the room. Sure, she’s gorgeous, free-spirited and creative – but she’s also too noisy, and too intense.

“Don’t be confused by the outward confidence – Donna is driven by a fierce need for approval and acceptance. And most people can smell that a mile off, which means she gets neither love nor acceptance. Which makes her try that little bit too hard.”

(Which could be where the “naked” part comes in – but since I haven’t seen the show, I don’t know if “try that little bit too hard” is code for “flashes the Eastside boys.”)

I expect that all the searches were done by blokes hoping to find photos of Margot Robbie as bare as a peeled onion.

It’s Monday – we could all use a silly post

Just for fun I connected some of the search-engine terms and strung them into a vague narrative. Don’t blame me. Blame J$.

Donna Freedman naked (Shocking!)

Wouldn’t life be perfect if shirts (…were off?)

What is trashing your roadsides (All those shirts?)

Donna Freedman sexy breasts (Well, now that my shirt’s off you can form your own opinion.)

Donna Freedman hairstyles (Who’s looking at my head? I’m naked! Or at least shirtless.)

Is Donna Freedman dead (No, but she could be naked.)

Is Donna Freedman pregnant (See what could happen once you’re naked?)

Get Donna Freedman’s look (Easy enough: Just take off your clothes!)

Donna Freedman massage (Yep, naked for those – but covered with a sheet.)

Shoes off Canada (Look – their feet are naked!)

I am embarrassed to take off my shoes (Must not be a Canadian, eh?)

*Those funny keywords mentioned earlier probably took the searchers to the following Surviving and Thriving articles:

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  1. I need to look at what has been searched for my blog too. I doubt anyone wants me nekkid though! 🙂

  2. For my own personal blog (now sadly gathering dust…), I used to get a lot of “Mark Cuban shirtless” search queries–which amused me no end. I once got a comment from a “Mark” who claimed he could send me photos and that he was looking pretty good since the DWTS related weight loss. I’m pretty sure it was just someone playing with me, but it was hysterical.

  3. I am about to give you a gift.

    101 ways to abort your gay-married, al-qaeda-loving baby for $39 or less!

    It is the gift that keeps on giving. You are welcome.

    Nobody has looked for Nicole and Maggie naked yet. That is probably just as well.

    • Donna Freedman

      @nicoleandmaggie: Search engine optimization! Woo hoo!
      And Google really shouldn’t want to see me naked.

  4. lol! Google doesn’t want to see me nekkid, at least not yet. Mine are not as funny as yours or J$ –

    what is two in a bush means
    cheap frugal bjs (!!!!!)
    how to smell good

    I am not sure I provided them with any answers though. I guess I should SEO for some “interesting” queries 🙂

  5. Mine are not as interesting, although I am still fairly new to blogging. Most are variations of poverty or working poor.

    “am i working poor”

    “i am going poor”

    And then there’s the one that broke my heart….

    “can my kids be taken because i am poor”

    • Donna Freedman

      “Can my kids be taken…?” That is heartbreaking. I wonder how many people are reluctant to ask for short-term help because they’re afraid they’ll be judged unfit and lose their kids?
      Thanks for the food for thought.

  6. haha… good ol’ googleers. just never know what you’re gonna get!

  7. Beautiful women with a trach?! hahahaha – I guess it’s true, there’s a pod for every pea (or whatever that saying is)!

    • Donna Freedman

      @SimplyForties: Whatever gets you through the night.
      (Of course, my daughter is beautiful — and she had a trach. Now she just has a trach scar.)
      Thanks for reading.

  8. Donna, please stop, I can’t take it! I was laughing so hard, the cat came to check on me. You should be writing sitcom scripts and making the really big money. Think about it.

  9. Funny!!! And here I was watching the search engine trends to see what topics I needed to report on.

  10. Now I’m going to have to google my name and see what comes up. Too funny!

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