Optimize a frictionless infrastructure.

Want to be a politician or raise money for a start-up? You need the Web Economy Bullshit Generator.

According to its proud parent, Dack.com, the generator is now 10 years old. Why am I finding it only now? Think of all the good times we could have had together.

Well, I’ve found it now and it’s swell. A simple click spins out phrases that are perfect for a campaign speech, or a prospectus.

  • “Expedite robust communities”
  • “Exploit compelling niches”
  • “Optimize frictionless infrastructures”
  • “Engineer B2B convergence”
  • “Deliver mission-critical web-readiness”

I can just hear venture capital hitting bank accounts or campaign contributions flowing from PayPal accounts.

Maybe I should use this to monetize (ick) my own site more effectively? I’ll just pitch the new and improved Surviving and Thriving as able to “repurpose value-added synergies,” “productize customed applications,” “implement dynamic interfaces” and “expedite dynamic infomediaries.”

If anyone can explain to me what I just said, I’ll send you a dollar bill and a share of stock in the new and improved S&T.

Seriously: Hours of fun for the whole family. Use this site to write personal finance blog posts, to comment on posts, or if you’re in danger of getting actual work done. You should also bookmark it for the day you have to write your job review.

P.S. Check out “Cell Phone Theater” on the same site. It’s the kind of cinema that a guy like Debt Ninja would love.

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  1. what a guy

    yes, it’s been around in various forms for a long time. also known as “buzzword generator” and various other names. take one from column one, one from column two, one from column three… and there you have it.

  2. AT my company, people love to use sports analogies. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase, short put, long put, home run.

    I’ll make a confession though, I do like the term win-win..there actually are situations where that is a fact.

    • Donna Freedman

      @First Gen American: I agree. Win-win is a lot more fun than “take one for the team.”

  3. This gave me a good belly laugh. Since I work in marketing for a living, this will be a useful tool to help me ‘think outside the box’ and to ‘shift my paradigm’.

    I could play with this all day! LOL. Thanks!

    PS – have you given away the credit card cartoon book yet? If not, pick me, pick me! 🙂

  4. This must be where banks and credit card companies come up with the “fine print” section.

    Ya gotta love it!
    (actually it’s kinda depressing….)

    • Donna Freedman

      @Dr Dean: Too true! Maybe mortgage companies have their own version, too.

  5. Holly Samlan

    Expedite robust communities”
    “Exploit compelling niches”
    “Optimize frictionless infrastructures”
    “Engineer B2B convergence”
    “Deliver mission-critical web-readiness”

    Explination as requested:

    Keep on doing what you already do but try to get PAID (more) for it.

  6. Reta Davis

    This reminds me of an experiment I did for a speech class in college. Now I can’t remember exactly how I did it, but it involved placing notes with random stock passionate phrases from bodice rippers in a jar. The point was to form a paragraph for a “romance novel” using the notes plucked from the jar. Results were pretty funny. My teacher was unimpressed.

  7. ImJuniperNow

    Sounds like the website some local real estate agents go to for descriptive words of the crappy properties they’re trying to push.

    (Is it okay to say crappy?)

    Oh, and I think what you were saying in describing S&T is: Save money, be happy, live well.

    Where’s my dollar?

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