Today is Mother’s Day, a time when many bloggers will wax sentimental about their moms and how they hope they can give their kids the same kind of magic.
Not me. I’m going to talk about regret.
Just over four years ago I started writing this site, even as I wondered (a) if anyone would care and (b) whether I could keep it up.
The answer was “yes” on both counts. Sort of.
I haven’t got the huge fan base and influence of a “name” blogger, and there have been times when I was too overwhelmed by my paying jobs to devote enough time to my avocation.
If I had more readers I could turn the site into what the kids call a serious alternate income source. It does make some money, but nowhere close to a living wage. More to the point, I’d like more followers because, well, what writer wouldn’t?
On Tuesday I participated in a TweetChat sponsored by Ally Bank, on the topic of “teaching kids the value of money.” One of the responses from another participant frankly startled me.
The question: “When is the right time to talk to your children about credit card debt?”
The answer: “I’d say when they have their own card (and a real sense of consequences), most likely as a freshman in college.”
After picking my jaw up off the kitchen table, I sent out this response: “Waiting till they have their own card is like waiting til daughter gets pregnant to say, “Don’t misuse that thing, y’hear?”
Just spent a couple of days in Fairbanks with my friend Linda B. Today I came home to freshly waxed floors, freshly baked bread and freshly boiled whale. I am not making that up. Yes, DF really did wax the floors.
And yes, he really did boil a piece of Balaena mysticetus.
Yesterday DF’s father died. I am so, so glad that it happened after DF’s recent trip down south to take care of business. Now his father’s widow, who’s 95, won’t have to stress out over death-related details or to face her late husband’s very disorganized papers.
No, DF did that for her – with complete transparency – because she was too busy coping with the impending loss. I’m glad he did that. I’m gladder still that he was able to say some things that needed saying, while his father was still able to hear and to respond.
Please, please do the same – before you miss your chance. If something needs saying, then say it.
Their relationship was not ideal, but DF made a conscious choice to put aside rancor and say, “I love you unconditionally.” As in, no conditions attached to his statement:
That last is counter to pop-psychology tenets, but not everyone needs or wants it. A therapist I know once said, “Closure is overrated.” I think I know what she meant: Those openness-and-healing talks aren’t necessarily a panacea.