Just read a lovely, raw, real piece called “Sometimes” written by a woman named Arnebya at a site called What Now And Why.
It’s lovely because it’s honest: Sometimes, I am jealous of my children. They have so much time and opportunity and I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and opportunity.
It’s raw because it’s, well, really honest: Sometimes, when I pull up to my house, I don’t want to stop; I want to keep driving.
And it’s real because she exposes herself fearlessly: Sometimes I want a drink so badly I consider leaving work early to sit in a bar alone, read my book, and catch a virus from the peanuts being eaten by many unsanitized hands.
My favorite: Sometimes I am an awesome mother, friend, wife. Sometimes everyone can just kiss my ass.
I admire honesty like that, probably because I sometimes worry too much about what other people think. Admitting to certain habits/mannerisms, or admitting how imperfect I really am, could open me up to judgment by those who know me or by those who only read me.
Then again, I’ve sometimes displayed that kind of honesty – with a friend or a stranger at the bus stop – and it’s led to that person saying, “You too?!?” with a mixture of relief and gratitude.
Relief that they’re not the only people in the world who, say, want to set the screaming baby down, walk out the front door, and drive straight to the airport and the first plane going Anywhere Else. And gratitude that you set them free to admit their own perceived failings.
Tics and quirks
That’s why I’ve decided to take a leaf from Arnebya’s book (well, blog) and expose myself a bit. Maybe they’ll make some of you feel better about your own foibles.
These aren’t exactly shameful secrets, mind you; they’re more like personality tics and quirks that some might think make me look a little odd. What they actually do is make me human.
Sometimes I talk to myself. To make sure I get up and stretch, to push myself through an unpleasant task, to figure out what’s really bothering me. This sort of Self-As-Life-Coach started after I got my own place back in February 2005. When I felt overwhelmed there was no roommate or partner to offer help, to suggest alternatives or just to give me a “you’ll get through this” hug. That’s probably why I started reassuring/lecturing/hectoring myself out loud.
Sometimes I eat out of the pan. Who’s gonna see? And why dirty a plate?
Sometimes I lose patience with children. Their neediness, their constant questioning, their need for instruction/correction. Don’t get me wrong: I love kids, and I particularly love spending time with my great-nephews. I simply have less stamina than I used to and, more to the point, I have so many other things I need/want to do right now. I’m awed by people my age or older who provide full-time care for their grandkids. My brother is raising his 6-year-old grandson, to which I say, “Sa-lute! God bless you for what you’re doing – and thank God it isn’t me.”
Sometimes I don’t get dressed. I work in my robe and nightgown, or in sweatpants and a T-shirt. Every day is casual Friday! Some people say you take your work more seriously if you get dressed as though you were going to work. Two words: No ironing.
Not giving a toss
Sometimes I reuse toilet paper. Wait! Not that way! When I have a cold I use toilet paper instead of tissues to blow my nose. The tissue goes into the trashcan set conveniently close to the toilet. Do I have to explain why? (And I know I’m not the only one, because a friend recently admitted doing the same thing.)
Sometimes I judge people’s habits. People who complain about being broke while eating in restaurants and texting on the newest version of iOverpaid. People who buy premade Jello. People who believe that there’s plenty of work out there so if you’re unemployed, you must be shiftless. I try to remind myself that you don’t know what you don’t know, and that I have no idea what’s going on in that person’s life. Maybe she’s the primary caregiver to someone undergoing chemotherapy and gelatin is one of the few things her patient can keep down.
Sometimes I hate taking care of myself. I think of all the people who burble fat-and-happy through life, knowing they’re 30 pounds overweight or that they should quit lying in the sun coated in baby oil but just not giving a toss, really. Ultimately I do the stretches, I take the walks, I cook the lentils and I trade ice cream for homemade yogurt with fruit. Some days I do it with more grace than others, though.
Sometimes I don’t recycle. I don’t like myself for it, but there it is.
Sometimes I eat chocolate sandwiches. (See “hate taking care of myself,” above.) I blame author Richard Powers for this one. His novel “Thee Farmers On Their Way To A Dance” mentions a Dutch treat of buttered rolls with slabs of chocolate inside. I do the buttered roll separately from the chocolate, alternating nibbles of each. Ideally the bread is a sweet diamond roll from Fred Meyer, the butter is unsalted and the chocolate is a Hershey bar.
Not moral weakness
Sometimes I wear a shirt more than once. Well, why not? If all I’ve done is wear it for a few hours and I’m not doing manual labor in the Arizona sun then yeah, I’ll hang the shirt up to air and then put it away.
Sometimes I just want to quit. Everything. At least once I day I say, out loud, “I fucking quit! I can’t do this any longer.” It could be my job, my personal writing or even just the need to take care of basic paperwork. Just-wanting-to-quit is a very human condition. It’s not moral weakness, but rather an expression of exhaustion or irritation. Because I haven’t quit. Not yet, anyway.
Sometimes I love the whole world. Sometimes I want to invite that world to kiss my ass. Depends on the day. Thanks, Arnebya, for making it possible for me to say so.
Readers: Your turn to come clean. What are you willing to admit to doing?
Great post Donna! Sometimes I wake up and want to go back to sleep because my list of ‘have to dos’ just makes me tired to think about!Sometimes I wish I had a twitchy nose like Samantha Stephens to get all my chores done instantly and redecorate my house too!
The people who count on you sure are glad you don’t give in and go back to sleep. But I certainly understand the temptation.
Sometimes I eat off the same plate more than once, especially if the first go around it’s something “clean” like a sandwich, or if it’s leftovers of the same food.
Ditto, ditto.
I reuse paper plates when I can, Meghan. I also use the same coffee cup all week long. No flippin’ way am I handwashing more than one coffee cup a week! (no dishwasher) I also wear items of clothing more than once, Donna. I think most people do that, or at least, most of the people I know do it.
I reuse plates or paper plates, reused toilet paper when I used tp; I wear things more than once. I don’t change the sheets once a week in the winter. I am fully covered in pants, sweat shirt and socks in bed because it is cold. It is not like in summer when I am wearing less and am hot.
I reuse dental floss, especially in the car. Sue me!
Yesterday, I cooked pasta in a pot. Four hours later, I just put more water in it and cooked beans. I had to confess what I was doing to exbf who was here helping me. He looked confused and muttered something. I wonder how long I can use a pot without washing it? jk
Due to major changes in my life, I have become very rebellious! I don’t care about lots of things anymore–conventions, that is. I am still polite, not too crabby.
I wore shoes for the first time all winter as opposed to sandals. Where did that get me? A toenail fungus! See what doing the expected thing, the right thing, got me?
There is nowhere to go. Why get dressed? I go to the mailbox in the summer in a nightgown so the neighbors can talk. The hens don’t care what I wear as long as I bring food. I like my gown or pajamas.
I do talk to myself. How else can I stay on track? Speaking, hearing, and writing information/list all help to reinforce whatever is on my mind. My brain needs reinforcement most days.
Sometimes I call in sick when I’m not sick – just sick of working. I am mostly frugal but will treat myself (like this weekend) to an “It’s all about me” day or 2. This weekend – facial, massage, pedicure an fake bake. Probably not necessary but it feels pretty good to get pampered and I get in a couple of naps while enjoying these services.
I talk to myself too!
We used to have “mental health days” back at the newspaper. The editor said if you have no pressing deadlines and you need a day off, use a sick day.
I am having another massage on Moday. Aaaaahhhhhhhh……
I call them “ennui” days. I don’t take one very often, but every once in awhile I have to flee my over-committed, overly conscientious life and take a day to just play hookey.
Let’s see – I wear my church Sunday clothes on Wednesday night service too. Both are only for a few hours. I hope I’m not talked about too much for this one!
I also talk to myself and go to the mailbox and like the lady above the chicken coop in my housecoat.
Sometimes I shovel snow in my robe and boots. Shocking, I know.
…and go out to get the mail.
Or put out the garbage.
Or mail stuff late at night. (We have a 24-hour machine in the post office lobby that works. Usually.)
I thought I was the only one that did this!
I, too, have nearly all of the same tics inc regularly reusing relatively clean plates/bowls (example: salad in bowl first, then my pasta dish) & ALWAYS my coffee cup for 2 days & I DO have a dishwasher but I have 5 mugs and a full dw load is 7-10 days.
i ALWAYS wear pants/tops at least twice. When working nearly everyone had ‘mental health days’ esp near the end of the year w/ use or lose sick & vacation days.
Today I plan to hard cook a bunch of eggs and then use the same, already hot, water to cook pasta.
I read somewhere that it’s a custom in parts of China (?) to drink the water in which eggs are cooked. Not sure if that’s accurate. I probably wouldn’t, because I think boiled water tastes flat and I’m not interested in re-aerating it by pouring it back and forth between pans. However, it would probably be good for watering houseplants…? It’s got minerals from the eggshells, right?
Don’t have house plants, lack of interest=black thumb.
Sometimes I just don’t recycle. I never would admit it until you did. I try to be good, sometimes I’m not. I just get lazy. I am not perfect, there I said it!
If we held a meeting of the I’m Not Perfect Club….we’d need a really, really big hall.
Donna, Thank you for a very humurous yet honest piece. Few among us would not admit to feeling overwhelmed at some point in life today. DW and I are members of the “sandwich generation”. That is we have our children who have needs and wants AND our parents who come with there own set of challenges. Add in the worst economic down turn in a generation along with political madness and it’s a wonder we don’t all drink! Especially enjoyed the confession about not always recycling…LOL. Keep up the good work!
OK, here goes. I too talk things out with myself, especially in the shower. I constantly reuse the same pan to boil my morning eggs. I re-wear clothes until a stain shows up(not consecutive days). I often do not “get dressed for the day” until I absolutely have to. And yes, I do believe with all my heart that youth is wasted on the young and sometimes I deeply resent them for their extravagant waste.
To the positive. I obsessively recycle, pick up pennies off the street, open doors for women and those older than or having more things in their hands than me, show respect to and acknowledge homeless when I catch their eye, and am deeply loyal to my friends. I try to only hold values that I have thought through and then to hold them passionately.
I like your positive ones, and understand the rest. Boy, do I.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
Donna, having come to grips with my forced retirement, I enjoy every day. But I also remember feeling like you do. Some years ago I framed “Warning” by Jenny Joseph and “I would pick more daisies” by Nadine Stair. Both are in a reversible frame on top of my fridge. I read the musings and practise because, even though I am 60 now, I am not old…….yet!
I am just curious, Why was my comment removed? Did I do or say something wrong?
Now it’s back. Sorry, I guess I should add that I am inpatient as well.
If anyone who reads this doesn’t recognize something they’ve done, me thinks they are in denial! Plenty of times I just wanted to get in the car and disappear. As in forever. Plenty of times I’ve looked at the messes my two kids have gotten themselves into and felt like a failure as a parent. Plenty of times I’ve not only worn sweats/tshirts-I work at home-but I’ve worn the same sweats/tshirts for multiple days. I’ve talked to myself since I was young. Figured if my grandma did it-my best friend when I was young-then it must be okay. Could go on and on but you get my drift. I LOVE your posts…always spot on!
Here’s ours: http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2010/09/03/confessions-of-pseudonymous-bloggers/
Loved it! Sometimes I too want to say the hell with it all!
I think I’ve done most, if not all, of these things at least once. All I have to add is “M-m-m-m-m – chocolate sandwich!”
My favorite admission was about being judgmental. It’s my middle name. My saving grace is I don’t say it out loud except to my husband, then I really let go about the fools around me.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing right/have done right by kids and then they hug me and say “You’re the best mom in the world! I love you!” and I know as far as they are concerned I did just fine.
Awwwww…..
I have a “thing” about phones. (I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a phobia, but definitely an aversion.) I *can* answer them, or even place a call, but I don’t *like* to. This tends to result in calls being put off and put off again. So much easier to send an email, or to run by somewhere and ask in person.
Let’s see…
Reuse plates, especially if I just had a sandwich? Sure.
Rewear shirts? Absolutely. I’m funny about putting them away ‘dirty’, though, so I’ll just pile them on the box by my dresser.
I could probably think of more, but I think that’s enough for now. Thanks for sharing yours!
I eat ice cream out of the carton.
I’ve been working full-time since I was 15 and sometimes I just want to quit and be lazy for at least an entire month, waking up late and doing exactly as I please.
Sometimes I can be snarky and sarcastic. (Okay, too many times.)
Oh, there are so many others I could share…
I eat ice cream out of the carton, too.
There are so many ways I’m not perfect it’s hard to figure out where to start.
I really am not a kid person except for mine own. We reuse paper plates and plastic baggies.
Somedays I just want to walk away from work and never come back. Five years until I get to do it for real!
Me too, on the kid thing! I’ve often said I don’t like other peoples children. I thought I was the only one. lol. My friends can happily babysit 6, 8, 10 kids at a time while this sounds like a sentence in hell to me! Yet all the kIds love me….I can’t figure it out.
I don’t wash floors or dust very often. Regularly wear clothes more than once, especially jeans. Have often stayed in my pajamas (yoga pants and a tshirt) until noon on a weekend day.
Eat out of the pan/container? Heck yeah!
I work around a lot of kids and their parents. Some days I just want to scream at the parents, “Would you please not allow your 3 year old to be the boss!!”
Judy: I’m right there with you. I really only clean once guilt has set in. For the floors, it’s usually because my bare feet are just getting too gross to brush off when I go to bed. (Eww, I know.) Or, more commonly, I see one of the cats trying to eat stuff off the floor and freak out.
“You could eat off my floor.”
That reminds me of something my mom used to say: “You could eat off my floor.” then she’d pause and add, “but I read somewhere that you have to eat 10 pounds of dirt before you die!” She wasn’t a very meticulous housekeeper but had a great sense of humor!
The comedian Elayne Boosler said her mother used to say “you could eat off my floor.” Then Boosler would pause, and say, “You could eat off my floor, too — there’s thousands of things down there!” 😉
Abigail: So here I am on the computer when we are having Easter dinner here on Sunday and the house needs cleaning and I need to shop for the food. What in the world am I doing? Hahaha! Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself!!
I’m retired and live with just my cat. I don’t clean any rooms but the bathroom and kitchen as often as I should.
If I have nothing to do, I stay in my pajamas all day. Why should I dirty something when only the cat is going to see me–and she doesn’t judge me.
Yes, I eat out of pans and containers and re-use plates.
I can’t taking being around kids a lot, probably because I never had any of my own. I do babysit a half day a week for a great nephew and niece and sometimes I just want to scream–but I don’t. They don’t react well when I did that and I am embarrassed. If the younger is having a bad day, I just send her to her room until she decides she can behave. She usually falls asleep and is a totally different person when she wakes up.
When I mix some food from the fridge in with dog food to feed our puppy, I’ll lick the fork.
I’m on the fence whether I do it to encourage him to eat his food or gross out my 14 year old daughter. Maybe it’s both.
I wear everything more than once except for socks and knickers.
Sometimes I have a bag of potato chips for dinner.
Some weekends I never change out of my pyjamas at all.
Some days I wish I could tell my boss “If you want that much done today you should have hired three of me.”
I once read a recipe for a potato-chip sandwich. Honest.
Maybe you should tell your boss that some day. Just make sure it’s a day you feel like quitting anyway.
Wait… Most people *don’t* use TP when they don’t have Kleenex? I’m not being sarcastic. I just always assumed everyone did it. With AZ pollen counts, we’d spend a small fortune on Kleenex. (We do get some when he’s sick. The kind with lotion, because I’m just a good wife like that.) And of course I don’t mind wearing something more than once if it isn’t dirty. Since Tim can’t do that (or use a towel more than once) thanks to his skin issues, my general slovenliness keeps laundry at a manageable level. And since I worked in my PJ pants all day, you know I’m all for that. Heck, last time you were here I lent you a pair of PJ pants to wear around the house/work in. Ah, family traditions!
And I appreciated it. All vacation days are by definition casual Fridays. Or should be.
Okay – the “recycling toilet paper” note: you should stop that.
I say this because I did it too … until I ended up at my gynecologist with several small odd bumps, um, in the bathing suit area. This being several years ago, and the experience being traumatizing, I can’t remember exactly what the viral infection was – but it was the result of my “recycling toilet paper” habit. I’d moved bugs from my nasal membranes to, you know, other mucosal membranes.
It was treatable! I am fine! but I don’t plan on repeating the experience any time soon. And please don’t end up in the same boat I was in. Coupon your way into cheap or free TP, and use it lavishly.
Ack.
I occassionally eat out of the can, over the kitchen sink. It is usually string beans.
When my grandmother was caught talking to herself she merely replied “it is nice to talk to a lady once in a while.” I use that reply quite often.
I love that, and am stealing it.
When I am “called” on talking to myself, I usually say “the most intelligent conversation I’ve had all day.” Works every time!
Sometimes I wait to do my laundry until I am out of underwear and let the dishes go until I am out of forks. And, sometimes I let things pile up in my apartment until someone is coming over.
Ditto Barbara R. only a lot of times I let stuff pile up in my house. The only visitors I have are doggie grooming clients I know really well (the dogs don’t care!) When I feel compelled to make excuses for my lack of housekeeping I say, “It will always look like this, it won’t get any better.” No one has every swept themselves out the door in horror. Guess what else I do besides dog grooming….housekeeping for OTHER people.
Like the cobbler whose kids run barefoot, or the plumber whose sink is stopped up…. 😉
yep, and the dog groomer whose own dog is completely unkempt
Most of the expressions I use to describe my feelings and actions are not fit for publication.
Lately my favorite sayings have come from The Big Bang Theory.
Sometimes you’re the otter and sometimes you’re the rock is my recent favorite.
Oh, how could I have never seen this delicious piece before?
My contributions to the list:
I talk to machines we use everyday, as in my computer at work, washing machine at home. “Come on, your are a machine; I will win. And I do have a hammer.”
I eat out of the can, over the sink. It is usually green beans or baked beans.
My underpants are deliberately worn inside out because I got tired of trying to find ones that the elastic or cute/pretty/frilly legbands/waistbands/edging did not irritate and cause a rash.
Ditto: no patience and children, judging other people, not recycling, taking care of myself, shirts and pants more than once, loving or hating the whole world, driving past the house/home and keeping on going, quitting the world, awesome mother or kiss it.
Should have been – you are a machine. This is what happens when you type before coffee.
I wear the same pair of work pants every day until they can walk away by themselves. For the longest I could not afford more than the two pairs I own. No one has complained I stink yet. (I do wash them)I also use the same water glass every night for bedtime until the dishwasher is full. Not sure if I am just lazy or being frugal? Definitely not perfect.
I’d call that frugal, myself. Then again, I don’t work right alongside you. 😉
As for the water glass: I use the same water bottle for iced tea and water all day long. It’s a clear BPA-free plastic bottle, and it starts looking kind of opaque from the tea. When I get disgusted enough I’ll wash it. Sometimes I find it in the dish draining rack because my DF has gotten disgusted on my behalf and washed it for me. Bless his heart.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
I only wear black pants (except for one pair of navy) to work. It makes picking out a top much easier….they all “match”! Also, I will wear a piece of clothing until it has a stain on it unless it becomes shapeless before that. I am not a dirty, sweaty person so it definitely saves me on laundry.
I’m wearing black only until I can find something darker. 😉
M
aybe it was just the way I was brought up but I have to get dressed every day, but I do wear PJ pants every night and the pull over top that I wore all day. The next day I put on the same pants I have worn most of the week and a clean top. I’m retired so except in summer when I get dirty working in the gardening, I stay clean. After digging in the dirt I’ll have to change more often. My husband is the same way so that helps me get away with it.
My coffee cup is used over and over and it still looks fine because it is black and nothing shows, but I can’t stand dirty dishes in the sink. They can take a week to dry but they have to be clean.
I too only wash the floor when I start to stick to it and dust when I
think of it. Spring & fall cleaning from many years ago is still waiting for me.
My husband says I am a hoarder but after watching that show one nite, NO WAY!!! You can still walk through the house at nite with the lights off and not kill yourself. Mags & plants are a downfall tho. So now when I read a mag and see something I like, out comes the page. Wish the plants would stop having babies, tho.
Guess you are bored enough for now but other wise pretty much in the same boat you are.
Dishes in the sink bother me, too. Both DF and I always wash whatever we just used.
As for the floor, DF has one of those Roomba vacuum machines. It’s been a year but I still get a kick out of watching a li’l round robot vacuum the floors. Yep, I’m easily amused.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
Being brave and talking about it sets us all free. I needed this. Thank you.