This morning DF cut five pounds of pork loin (99 cents a pound!) into one-inch chunks that he dredged in flour and spices and then seared in hot oil. They went into the slow cooker along with green enchilada sauce, salsa verde, green chiles, and sautéed onion and pickled jalapeno.
Not all the meat went in; the chile verde recipe called for five pounds but the pork loin he’d bought was 5.38 pounds. He brought a chunk down the hall for me to taste.
The meat was tender and flavorful, slightly zingy with spice but not overwhelmingly so.
“Well done you!” I said.
“That’s the name of my cooking school: Well Done U,” he replied.
DF is known for his love of charred foods, from blackened salmon to burned toast. He is also known for his puns, which means I’ve found the man of my dreams: Someone whose mind is wont to take the same slightly twisted paths that my own brain favors.
The two of us sometimes go into a series of jokes and re-jokes that would make most people run screaming for the door. At other times his turns of phrase are poetic and/or rueful. I’ve been trying to remember to write these things down, with an eye toward sharing it here.
A bit of background
A few years back some guy on Twitter starting posting some of his father’s, uh, piquant proclamations under the name “Shit My Dad Says.” Ultimately it became a best-selling book and then a short-lived television series called “$#*! My Dad Says.”
This isn’t as big a batch of DF-isms as I’d like, but I’m putting it up anyway.
Upon inquiring as to whether I’d put bleach into a load of sheets:
“Clorox is good on everything. It’s like ranch dressing.”
While getting dressed to do outside chores:
“You might be getting old when you wear a hat at 19 degrees.”
After noting the wan winter daylight:
“It’s like that Chinese dish: Dim sun.”
Explaining why dudes sometimes wear a shirt more than once, or more than twice:
“If you’re going out to do some job that includes mud or blood, what’s the point?”
Poetic $#*! my boyfriend says
Not sure how the next one came about, but I think it was while he was reading a less-than-delightful book of poems:
“Poetry is a species of essay, which should always be accurate with regard to facts.”
On strawberries from the fridge, vs. the ones picked and eaten in the yard:
“I think they’re best when they’re full of sunlight.”
While watching me fix oatmeal, he suddenly began to sing:
“We never eat oatmeal ’cause oatmeal is mush
“One little bite turns a man to a lush.
“Can you imagine a greater disgrace
“Than a man in the gutter with oats on his face?”
(This, I learned later, was a parody of the folk song, “Away, away with rum, by gum.”)
Me, busy at the sink but aware I haven’t checked on the compote simmering on the stove: “Sweetheart, will you stir up those raspberries?”
“Sure thing.” (Approaches stove) “ARISE, RASPBERRIES! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS!”
(Back to me) “Sorry. They don’t seem to want to be stirred up.”
Can’t help lovin’ that man.
Related reading:
Those were all goodies, but the last one sent me into loud laughter that started a coughing fit. I would keep him just for the humor.
This post had me smiling! Me and my hubby have lots of quirky things we say like that too but I always think if somebody ever listened to us without us knowing they would think we were crazy, but we have so much fun together! It is awesome isn’t it?
It really is! Like a private, intensely weird language. Pun upon pun upon pun….and no one gets hurt.
Love this so much… It brought lovely memories of my clever Daddy George. The man never met a pun or wordplay he didn’t like, and would sometimes make himself laugh so hard he cried.
LOL! You need to collect these and turn them into a book!
Stirring up the raspberries — fantastic. 🙂
When I lived in Kansas City, I had a co-worker who’d grown up in the Ozarks. How I wish I’d written down some of the (very blunt, very colorful) things she used to say. The one I do remember was what she said when she didn’t want to do some disagreeable task:
“I’d rather go to a good ass-whuppin’ and furnish the ass.” (!)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…!
Thanks for sharing.
I call those “Groaners.” Not enough for a full belly laugh, but amusing enough to get your attention. Been listening to them for 35+ years now. Some how he thinks his are funny and mine are the “Groaners!”
My best friend Linda B. loves puns as much as I do. But when I make a particularly bad one she’ll say, “Gah-ROAN.”
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
Love it! XD
Fergus is not as amused by my punny tendencies…probably because I keep prodding and explain the joke in excruciating detail, even when I know he understands but just doesn’t appreciate the wordplay.
THE OATMEAL ONE OMG
It was funny when I heard it. It was even funnier when I heard the original.
So glad you found your soul mate, Donna! You clearly enjoy one another!
Yep, you got a good one:)
He is definitely a keeper for the long haul. OMG, stirring up the raspberries…I’m still laughing.
Me too. 🙂
LOL! Sounds a bit like me & my husband. But, we like to throw movie quotes at each other. 😉 Your boyfriend sounds like a real keeper.
He is. Oh, he is.
Glad to hear things are going so well with DF. Life, it seems, is richer when you have someone to share it with. I recall when you announced you were moving from the “lower 48” to Alaska to join DF….Pretty brave move from where I’m sitting….
Ah, but remember I’d lived here before, for 17 years…And I didn’t throw in with DF until six months after I got here.
Thanks for being such a consistent reader and commenter, i.e., from waaaay back in the MSN Money days.
Oooohhh….I didn’t know you had lived there THAT long…I recall that you had worked there BUT did not realize you had lived there for 17 years….Ahhh MSN Money….Seems like a lifetime ago…
That’s lovely, Donna. I’m glad you and DF found each other.
Ahh I was inclined to like him already but these are too great.
Sounds like you enjoy much PUNishment : )
Seriously, it is wonderful to find someone with a sense of humor, especially when your types of humor mesh so well! Thank you for sharing these–so much fun to read!
We have mutually agreed not to sue for PUNitive damages.
I could not live with a man who didn’t make me laugh. My current (only) husband has been doing it for 45 years.
That last one was Great! I love bad puns & silly jokes.
Donna, so glad you and your dear friend are happily toodling along. I seldom comment but I’ve been reading since msn days.I wondered how you two were doing. Your wonderful sense of humour has helped me many a day. Thank you and congrats, we all deserve to be well-loved.
Thanks for your kind words, and your consistent reading.
I know I’m late to the party (in a lot of ways, as you’ll see…)
I didn’t marry until five years ago, when I was 54. I married a widower, a man I’d only dated for a few months. I had known him from a distance for many years, so it’s not quite as crazy as it sounds, but it was head-spinningly fast. I often tell him I did not realize how smart or how wickedly funny he was when I married him. A lot of times his razor-sharp wit presents itself during our “alone time” and cannot be quoted without revealing TMI.
The other day, I said “According to Dr.Laura, men need three things to be happy in their relationship: sex, food and appreciation, in no particular order. Are you getting what you need?” My sly husband replied, “What I need only has three letters. You.”
Awww, worth waiting so many long years for, this man o’mine.
Lucky you! I’m lucky, too.