I’ve felt oddly detached from the holiday this year, to the point where I didn’t have the motivation even to put up my Christmas tree. Normally that’s pretty important to me, but this year I just wasn’t feeling it. Knowing that, DF politely offered to help me set the tree up – which is silly, really, since this is a two-foot tabletop model that takes all of five minutes to decorate. (Not counting the lights, of course, which take 15 minutes just to un-knot.)
Still I demurred, until I noticed that on Friday he’d cleared away his Advent candle wreath and draped a white tablecloth over a box to provide a great place for the tree. He suggested that it would be easier to reach this way; normally the tree is set atop a cedar chest.
Sometimes a partner just knows what you need. That clean, conveniently vacant pedestal was the gentle push I needed to get going. And he was right: It was easier to reach, and to decorate even though the lights were still a pain to un-knot. It’s just their way.
Decorating the tree got me humming carols, and before I knew it I was finished. As always, we turned out the indoor lights and plugged in the Christmas tree lights in order to get the full effect.
Not bad, for a Charlie Brown tree (apologies for the dual image created by our double-paned window):
And here’s a daytime view, which doesn’t have the double image and which better showcases our ultra-white Christmas:
Just got back from my niece’s house, where I watched as she and her kids opened their holiday gifts. My own contributions to that celebration were, of course, almost completely paid for through gift cards from rewards programs, a bit of judicious re-gifting and the Expo Hall** at the Financial Bloggers Conference. I love giving presents, but I do need to keep an eye on the bottom line as I approach retirement.
My niece’s Christmas tree is much taller and more impressive. It’s also pre-lit, which is something to keep in mind if I ever replace my own tree. Somehow I doubt I will, because that tabletop model means something to me. I bought it for $1 at the annual rummage sale held by the Lakeside School in Seattle, shortly after I had fled my marriage. Dropped another buck on a sandwich bag full of small Christmas tree ornaments, too.
Fun fact: The Lakeside School was where Bill Gates got interested in computers and also where he met Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft. Little did I know that within a few years Bill Gates would be signing* my paycheck.
No, when I bought that tree my life was so up in the air that I couldn’t see any kind of future for myself. I didn’t know where I’d live. I didn’t know how I’d make a living. The only thing I did know was that I wanted a Christmas tree.
My first Christmas tree
I’d never had a tree as an adult, because my now-ex was Jewish. After we moved to Alaska I broached the possibility of a joint celebration – menorah and Christmas tree – and he stated flatly that there would never be a Christmas tree in his house. At the time I had no agency and was, sadly, accustomed to his emotional abuse, so I quickly backed down. Eventually I tried again: How about this potted pine tree from the supermarket for my daughter’s bedroom? He begrudgingly agreed, as long as it wasn’t in the main living area, and eventually agreed to a small tree as long as it, too, was kept out of his sight.
Funny: Once I was freed up to get a tree of my own, I chose a tabletop model that, now that I think of it, is smaller than the one in my daughter’s room. That’s probably because it was all I could handle at the time, either emotionally or financially. Size isn’t everything: Setting up the tree was a real pleasure.
Within a couple of years I would be earning the college degree I never was able to get as a younger woman. (Important safety tip: Do not let 30 years elapse between your first study of algebra and your second study of algebra.) Higher education plus managing an apartment building, freelance writing and any other gigs I could find (babysitting, medical testing, mystery shopping) took a lot out of my late-40s self. The first couple of years were particularly rough, both because re-entry’s a bitch and because I had both an undiagnosed thyroid problem and a Vitamin D efficiency. Off-and-on back trouble plagued me as well during those years.
I was crawling through the days, determined to keep a high grade point average and to get through the divorce. (It took two years for the latter.) But shortly after Thanksgiving, I could put up my tree. No matter how tired I was at the ends of days, I would turn out the apartment lights, plug in the tree and gaze at it while listening to the classical music station. My tree. My own place. My new life, in the making.
That life started galloping once I began to freelance for Microsoft’s MSN Money site. I started the Smart Spending blog for MSN, won a national award for my work, and finished my degree without spending a dime thanks to scholarships and grants. Paid off my divorce-related debt, kept freelancing and started traveling. Ultimately those travels led me back to Alaska, where I’d lived for 17 years – and where I found true love in late midlife.
Back when I was gazing at my $1 Christmas tree, all I wanted was to finish the divorce and the degree and then find my way in the world. Never could have imagined the life I’d be living now. Probably that’s the reason I’ve kept that tree for so long: It worked for me then, and it works for me now. Even if I wait until two days before Christmas to put it up.
Thanks to all of you readers for sticking with me. I hope that those of you who celebrate had the happiest of holidays.
*One of the things I brought back from the conference was a bluetooth speaker shaped like an old-time radio. My great-nephew went into ecstasies over this small gift, saying he’d been wanting a bluetooth and that the radio design was so cool. In particular, we both enjoyed the fact that the radio’s mock dial lit up, just like a real old-time radio. Small things please small minds.
**In the abstract, of course. Microsoft employed way too many full-timers and freelancers for the company co-founder, or any other human, to sign all the paychecks.
Merry Christmas, Donna. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Merry Christmas!!
We didn’t put up a tree the last couple of years. It just doesn’t seem the same for us seniors with no children or grandchildren to enjoy it. Our daughter also lives in another state. We looked at each other and ask, should we drag it up from the basement and both said no. I baked cookies for friends and neighbors instead to get in the spirit.
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!!!
Merry Christmas! Your tree is very sweet. I’ve read your blog since your MSN days. Best, Celie (formerly Simpsy).
Merry Christmas Donna!
Words cannot express the gratitude I have for you. Unbeknownst to you, your words have provided much needed support and inspiration during the toughest of times. Thank you so much!
Happy 2023!
Merry Christmas Donna, to you and DF. Honestly, I feel as if I’m opening a gift every time I read one of your articles. I love your writing style and your blog has never failed to help keep me on a frugal track. Wishing you the best in return.
It was 30 years between my first and second encounter with algebra. I got through the class and knew nothing. But, I was going to prevail. When I had to teach algebra along with geometry, I sat and learned it. In college my friend was afraid the kids would do better. They could recover better but I knew my mind was better, so I made lots of As and made it through to another BA and a MA. Then, autoimmune diseases set in. It has been hard but so much better now. Your tree is an inspiration to many people.
Merry Christmas Donna!
When I was a kid my father wouldn’t get the tree until the week before Christmas. He would set it up on Christmas Eve Eve. It had to “droop”. Then on Christmas Eve with the Yule Log on the tv we kids would be allowed to decorate it.
Merry Christmas Donna! Thanks for sharing your story. Your tree is lovely! I love Christmas decorations.
Merry Christmas to you and yours Donna!!
My thrifted tree is even smaller than yours, but it’s all I need and makes me happy.
Size isn’t everything.
Merry Christmas Donna! All the best to you and DF for a Happy and Healthy New Year! Christine summed it up by saying – Honestly, I feel as if I’m opening a gift every time I read one of your articles. If I’m having one of those days and I check your blog and there’s new posting, it’s like a gift and it changes my outlook for the better. I’m a long-time reader too.
Awww, thanks from the other Donna.
Hi Donna, thanks so much for sharing your personal back story about the tree. Christmas traditions certainly get tangled up with the overall stories of our lives, don’t they? And the trees bring back powerful memories, both good and not-so-good, for all of us.
Wishing you and DF a wonderful 2023 together!
P.S. Wrap that string of lights around a rectangle of cardboard, and they will unwind next Christmas with no problem. (Unless the annual wrestling with the string of lights is part of the magic for you – in which case, to each her own!)
Thing is, I did wrap them around a cardboard rectangle. Guess I did some criss-crossing or something.
I wrap my lights around coat hangers and tie with saved twisty ties from the grocery store. Works well and no untangling. Merry Christmas to Donna, DF and all the amazing posters here. Your tree was such an inspiration. There was one year when 3 clients from work gave me a Poinsettia. I had no Christmas money and got 3 boxes from the grocery store and put them on top. Two on the side were lower than the one in the middle and I strung lights after wrapping the boxes with Christmas paper. I was so sad before I did that, but it changed everything and my Christmas ended up being the nicest one I had after my divorce.
Merry Christmas Donna and thank you for sharing your Christmas tree. A new posting from you just makes my day! I’m also a long-time reader (from back in the MSN days).
You guys rock. Thanks for being there.
Merry Christmas. We have a gorgeous fake tree we bought in a fit of un-frugal spending a few years ago. It is 8 feet tall, has 500 lights and you can use your phone to program it to be different colors and to move in different patterns, or not change patterns or colors at all. It was after the holiday, on sale floor model that we spotted walking through Home Depot. Now the tree sells for $600!! We got it for $100 and have made our money back many times in enjoyment. We don’t even bother with decorating it anymore. It comes out the day after Thanksgiving and no matter how down I might feel, sitting in the dark of a Fairbanks night with all the other house lights off, it brings me a sense of peace. Christmas was always awful when I was growing up, as it triggered my mother’s mental illness and we’d inevitably end up with the tree knocked down and smashed and often the gifts smashed to bits, too. These days I look forward to the holiday instead of dreading it, and our tree has only added to the joy I feel. I am glad your partner slowly pushed you into putting up the tree. He obviously knows you well…
That tree sounds astonishing. I can see why you wouldn’t need to decorate it unless you really felt compelled. Brighter days are coming! #YaySolstice
Merry Christmas, Donna, and the happiest of years ahead! I’m in the camp that thinks that your posts are gifts. I always look forward to them and learn so much from you. Many of my favorites have to do with your frugal approach to food and cooking. Sometimes I’ll do something in the kitchen that extends those little scraps of food into one more meal, and it tickles me. When I read one of your posts, it’s an entirely different level. You can’t see me, thank goodness, but I often silently bow to your creativity and inspiration. I also am one of the longtime readers from the MSN days.
Appreciate your long-time readership. And I hope you’ll share some of those food-stretching tips with other readers. We all learn from one another.
I join others here in thanking you for your posts- I get a bit of a lift in my heart from the honest way you write about the trials and tribulations as well as the successes and silliness that is your life.
Christmas this year I did ZERO decorating including leaving the stockings in the box in the basement. I live alone, my mom (92) and buddy (70) were coming for two nights however Christmas Dinner was at my son’s home. I just didn’t have it in me to do anything, and I am finally kind enough to myself that I neglected to beat myself up. Yay me.
I DID stuff the turkey and schlepp it over to #1 son’s home, as they are Vegan and were hosting for 13 folk who mostly weren’t. I took the depression – era ‘Christmas games’ over as I am the person who gets to store them. and other than that, I just didn’t get into a fuss. Hardly any gifts, even!
I am another reader from your MSN days. Your tree is wonderful and a good reminder of how life has changed for you. Your posts warm my heart and remind me how far I am from getting out of debt but still can make it happen.
Happy holidays Donna! Your $1 tree is lovely! Your story of resilience and growth is a gift. That tree has so much to it (like an onion :)), including being a symbol reflecting your path to now. Here’s to a healthy, strong 2023!
Thank you, Donna and Happiest of Holidays to you & yours!
I, too, have been a reader since your MSN days and you helped me through something similar to your story: leaving a bad marriage, bankruptcy, finally finishing the college degree . . . I just paid off my mortgage and am approaching “old age” with a comfortable nest egg and lots of gratitude to you & all the rest of the folks who offer sound, sane financial advice!
Love to hear these stories. Thanks for sharing yours, and thanks for sticking with me all these years.
Lovely story! I’m so glad DF’s nudge helped get you in the spirit. And I’m VERY glad that you are no longer with someone who makes you doubt your worth.
So am I.
I had to do a double take of the peaceful scene of your small tree and lovely snow. A book on the table ‘Killers of a certain age’. Didn’t quite fit in with your decor.
Christmas gift!