Quick poll: Who here has pretended to be texting or checking e-mail so you could avoid some kind of personal interaction?
Liars. I bet a whole bunch of you have done this. Heck, I’ve done it myself, albeit in a low-tech way. (More on that later.)
Melissa Ford recently wrote about “fauxting,” or fake text-messaging, on BlogHer. She copped to doing it herself. But Ford isn’t particularly happy about the trend, citing the potential “decline of civility and community” that could result from such closed-off public behavior.
I agree. I think too many people spend way too much time plugged in. On the bus today, and also in downtown Seattle, at least half the people I saw had a Bluetooth device, an MP3 or a texting-while-walking habit. (Some had two of those attributes. Spooky.) If I were a pickpocket, I’d target these people. Is the next tweet really worth losing your credit cards and driver’s license? Of course, while you waited in line at the DMV you could tweet about that.
I’m trying to use the phone!
That said: I admit that my cell phone sometimes doubles as a low-tech Romulan Cloaking Device. It’s a flip phone, no bells, no whistles. It does have video capability, as I discovered early on when I was randomly poking buttons. Suddenly I saw myself staring at myself, which scared the heck out of me.
(It’s moments like these that make me glad I live alone. I didn’t have to explain why I’d just shrieked like a Victorian maiden.)
Low-tech or not, Flipper gets me through the mall unmolested. Generally I avoid shopping centers, since a real frugalist just hates to pay retail. However, I get my hair cut at a mall salon, and six times a year I cash in the “free underpants” coupons from Victoria’s Secret. Invariably, salespeople standing by kiosks want to engage you in conversation about their aromatherapy eye masks, or to sell you a flour-sack calendar with bad laser images of your grandchildren.
I don’t want to talk to these people, but I’m lousy at conflict. So when I get near that end of the mall, I take out my cell phone and pretend to be having a conversation. If that makes me a chickenshit, so be it. Some of these salespeople are really pushy, and I neither need nor want a pen that writes underwater.
On the plus side: When I’m having this mockversation I can sound as witty and charming or as wise and understanding as I want. In fact, I sometimes revisit conversations I’ve actually had, except this time I’m a lot smarter. I get to win all the arguments, too.
’Fess up, now: Have you ever used a Blackberry or a Bluetooth to get out of interacting with a crashing bore or an insistent vendor of organic skin-care products? Are you ashamed of this, or do you recommend it? Could you get away with it at family reunions, do you think?
This is hilarious! I think i have a similar “flipper”c. 2001, but I have clearly missed utilizing the updated “Romulan Cloaking Device” app, not to mention the”Time Travel” app for conversation re-do’s. Dang!
Am so giggling all the way to work . . . Live long and prosper, DF!
I have done this-but usually when walking in a dodgy housing estate or down a dark lane-so it looks like Im connected to the world and a less viable target! Love your blog!
“Romulan Cloaking Device”-I want to be you when I grow up!!!
@Priskill: You just have to shop at the right kiosks — one of them HAS to have those apps. The others, well, just blow on by them while having imaginary conversations.
@SonyaAnn: The fatal flaw in your argument is assuming that I have, in fact, grown up. My mental age does not necessarily match the one on my driver’s license.
And now for today’s “six degrees of separation” moment regarding the “Star Trek” phenomenon: My sister’s husband’s brother played Dr. Phlox in the TV show “Star Trek: Enterprise.”
Also: Patrick Stewart, who played Jean-Luc Picard, expectorated in my direction. He did his one-man show of “A Christmas Carol” in Anchorage some years back and I’d been given front-row seats to review the thing. “Close enough to see him spit,” is the way my daughter described the location — apparently when some actors project, more than just a voice is propelled outwards.
I don’t know if he actually hit us, and even if he did I wouldn’t have cared — the show was terrific. Even if I did have to stifle my second-grade self, which wanted to yell, “Say it, don’t spray it! It’s conversation, not irrigation!”
Thanks for reading.
I think if it actually does get used as a cloaking device, it should make those squeaky, high-pitched noises from the tricorders in Star Trek. Also, squeaky, high-pitched noises would make the name “Flipper” all the more apt.
It would be an honor to have him spit on me! (Why does everything that I write sound wrong?)I still want to be you no matter how old you are. I’m still only 5, at least that is what my kids tell me!
Well you know that I think it’s always fair game when it comes to salespeople. Especially the aggressive ones that are standing at the kiosks in the mall. If I wanted perfume/my hair straightened/a new scarf, I would be pausing to look. If I’m still walking, they should assume that my goal is not to buy one of those items.
@Mel: Ah, but THEIR goal is to try to trick you into buying something. And as noted, I’m not good at conflict (i.e., too chickenshit to say “No, thank you” and mean it) so I’m not above a little bit of cloaking.
Thanks for dropping by — and for writing the post that inspired me.
Thanks for the giveaway, Diane! It arrived today. (And I am sorely behind on my Reader items.)
Also. Victorian maiden? That made me laugh out loud. Only I had to explain it to the person sitting next to me…it wasn’t as funny then.