A reader named Nancy, winner of a $10 Wal-Mart gift card in my fifth anniversary giveaway, contacted me to ask about the solo life.
“I’m about to live on my own for the first time, and this gift card will parlayed into something important, like toilet paper or spices,” she wrote. “Any advice you can offer on how to live alone…would be appreciated.”
Although I’m now quite happily partnered, I did live on my own from February 2005 until well into 2012. And I loved it. Loved, loved, loved it.
Possibly that was because I’d lived alone less than a year total in almost 47 years on the planet. Being by myself – no one to tell me what to do, to turn the TV way up, to track across the floor I’d just mopped – was a tremendous luxury.
When I became a midlife college student, that solitude felt not just splendid but necessary. I’d stagger through my apartment door, set down my book bag, kick off my shoes, prepare a simple meal and luxuriate in the quiet.
A major downside to living alone? Paying for everything.
Controlling your cash
Without contributions from parents, roommates or that ex-spouse, the bills are all on you. It’s essential to take charge of your finances so that you can:
Cover all obligations. Yes, the power company really might turn off the electricity.
Stay out of debt. Don’t use credit to cover cost overruns. Find the discrepancies and fix them.
Pay down existing debt. You’ll sleep better and, more to the point, your money will go toward future goals rather than past expenditures.
Nancy: I don’t know if the following tips will be at all helpful, but I hope at least one or two hit the mark.
Everyone else: Ditto.
1. Make the place yours. Your apartment/condo/house should be a warm and welcoming space. That doesn’t mean running amok in the housewares department. Do you really need a table runner or a toilet-paper cozy? Instead, challenge yourself to create a space that’s uniquely you, but without opening your wallet very wide. (Or at all.)
One of the cheapest ways to refresh a room is a gallon of interior latex and a couple of hours. If you’re renting, be sure to clear it with the landlord before you paint the walls to match your clan tartan.
Although I’m not a Pinterest person, I’m told there are a gazillion ideas therein. Or just do an online search for “inexpensive décor” or “decorating on a dime.”
Know where it goes
2. Track your expenses. Find out where your money is going and you’ll be able to make it work for you. Sites like Mint.com or PowerWallet can provide a powerful wake-up call, e.g., “I spent how much on movie tickets last month?” Such sites can also help you set goals and then display your progress, which does wonders for motivation.
3. Use coupons. They aren’t just for suburban moms! You can save a ton on groceries, toiletries and non-food items by using a sites like CouponMom.com or the Favado free mobile grocery app. Why pay more than you must? Especially since you’re facing what I call the “single-shopper penalty.”
4. Cook. I can’t emphasize this one strongly enough. The temptation not to bother because it’s “just” you can lead to some pretty high restaurant and/or prefab food bills. Sure, sometimes you’ll just want to graze (crackers and cheese, some fruit, a little yogurt). Sometimes you’ll just want a bowl of cereal.
But generally you deserve real meals, just like the people who cook for significant others or families. See blogs like Cheap Healthy Good and Budget Bytes (or check the recently published Budget Bytes cookbook) for help on making simple yet sophisticated or even elegant meals for yourself.
Getting creative
5. Entertain. You can be a host! Cook some of that sophisticated/elegant stuff for your pals, or propose an old-fashioned potluck. Have people over for games night, binge TV watching or the sporting event du jour. Invite BFFs so you can set each other’s hair and talk about boys.
This doesn’t mean you can never go out again, just that it’s more economical to invite friends in. Bonus: When you do treat yourself to a night on the town, it’s that much more special because you don’t do it as often.
However, you should also learn to…
6. Enjoy the solitude. After a long and maybe loud day in the outside world, your place can feel like an oasis. Play the music you want, watch the shows you like, eat ice cream straight out of the carton. Learn to like your own company. Being comfortable with yourself will likely improve your relationships with others.
7. Shop outside the box. Thrift shops. The dollar store. Yard sales. The Freecycle Network. “Curb mart,” i.e., what your neighbors put out on trash day. Maybe even a little Dumpster wading. These can all bear fruit for housewares, clothing or holiday gifts. Heck, I once bought some basic foodstuffs (canned goods, boxed mixes) out of the kitchen cupboards at an estate sale, paying practically nothing.
8. Save your savings. Using some or all of the tactics above will give you “extra” money or at least allow you a little leeway after covering the basics. Use it to pay off existing consumer debt but then set aside savings, no matter how small: the $4.35 worth of coupons redeemed at the supermarket, the $2.99 you didn’t have to pay for toothpaste thanks to the drugstore reward program, the dollar you didn’t put into the vending machine at work. It will add up. Honest.
Without a small emergency fund you’ll never get ahead, or even be prepared for the inevitable emergency. Or be able to pay for the paint you’ll need to fix those plaid walls.
Readers: What living-alone advice would you give?
Related reading:
- Can’t get ahead? Try a “savings challenge”
- 9 smart ways to use all that “extra” cash
- Is it ever too late to start saving?
- If life is the currency, I’m already rich
If your living alone consists of moving to a new town or city, it is important to have social interaction. Join a church or Bible study group. Get a library card and join a book club. Volunteer at a shelter. Do something YOU enjoy and you will meet people who have interests in common with you.
Excellent advice. Thank you for suggesting it.
My advise is almost exactly what Cynthia said. Volunteer. It’ll get you out of the house, you’ll meet people with similar interests, and it doesn’t cost a whole lot. We live in an incredibly rich country and whine about how we can’t afford to keep up with the Jonses. Giving back to a cause you care about is much more rewarding than another trip to the mall. And you can always go to the mall tomorrow if you have to.
Exactly! Nothing like volunteering to realize how much you have to give — and how much you have going for you, even if times are tight.
When I got divorced I quickly realized living alone was a challenge. Mostly, as you said, because I was 100% responsible for all bills. That’s scary to lose your “safety net” of another household income. I disliked the solitude for a while, but feel the value now (especially since I’m dating again). Friday night naps became my fav when I was single and living alone, LOL!
Good luck, Nancy. You may soon ask yourself why you didn’t go solo earlier! Cook real meals on the weekend, and store in the freezer to use all week. Use that crock pot to slow cook a meal while you’re at work and have a hot meal to come home to. Start a supper club for you and your single friends to each cook one meal for the others, once a month or once a week.
When I was unemployed, I volunteered, choosing the type of work I wanted to eventually be doing for pay, and it was a great way to add experience to my resume. It did help me land a job in which I had previously had had no experience. That taught me that every life change is also an opportunity.
Love the idea of a supper club. As for volunteering in the field in which you wanted to work…you can’t hear me, but I’m applauding.
One of the things you’ll come to appreciate is that you’re now in complete control of your finances! That means that when you make a balance sheet, you can watch your wealth growing (or at least your debts disappearing) and can plan your road with absolute freedom. Even when there are bumps in that road, they’re YOUR bumps. Fix your sights on an early retirement anyone?
Good point! Your mistakes are your own — but so are your dollars. And your successes.
LOL, LMAO, I was financially better of by week 2 after my separation. I always said/say money is allergic to my ex. When he walks thru a door, money flies out the window.
You can find some cool furnishings at thrift stores. I found a pretty neat wall-hanging flower holder that I’ve never seen anywhere else. At an antiques mall near us, I found a cool silver Mayan calendar for $8. You can find stuff that’s not just cheap but unique, unlike other folks who have the same items from JCPenney, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc. It helps make the place feel like your own.
Need to furnish a place put out the word. You would be surprised at what you friends are giving away. even if its ugly it might do temporally until a better looking freebie comes along Youtube has some great videos on how to decorate on the free/cheap. Got another single friend at work, swap lunches. I did this –one day a week I brought lunch and one day my friend brought lunch. Keeps you from eating out and challenges you and your friend to come up with new and interesting things for lunch. Once others in the work environment see your lunches they want to join in. Yes start a budget now even before you move, get a handle on your finances and start setting aside anything you can now, It gets you in the mind set to start savings even if its a couple of dollars a week
Lunch swaps! I love this idea, too.
Very true. When I knew I’d be moving back to Alaska, I had a note put in the daily e-newsletter produced by the department head of my major at the University of Washington. Starving students descended on my apartment to cart away a bed, desk, two dressers, floor lamps, sofa-bed, dishes, nightstand and chairs. They got free furnishings; I got rid of things I no longer needed without having to dump them in the landfill. Win and win.
Saving the world one person at a time. You are a wonderful person, Donna.
I couldn’t agree more about the peace of being debt free and having an emergency fund. I also like the tip about cooking, even when it is just one! So happy you have found love, Donna!
Thanks, Heather.
Heather, she helped save me from slipping into oblivion 🙂
Instead of buying a cookbook see if the library has one you can borrow or use the library computers to look up recipes to try out. My other tip is if you decide to buy in bulk only buy things that can freeze or that you won’t have to hide under the bed/couch because you don’t have the storage space.
The websites I mentioned in the article are good places to find new recipes. Should probably have included “….or look for interesting and inexpensive recipes through an online search.”
Every person is different, but I never saw anything wrong with hiding stuff under the bed or couch. Nobody but me knew it was there and, as noted in the “single shopper penalty” piece, I saved a decent chunk of change that way.
And I used it all, too — the stuff I didn’t finish got brought up with me to Anchorage. Still using up the last of the pinto beans and some household products.
All of the above is stellar advice. I know because I went through it, though it was from an unexpected accident. It’s been a little over 4 years now, and it took a while to get used to after the grief period and such. I keep the good memories in place, and when I come across something that brings up memories of Paul, like the fact that he was a squirrel and liked to put things in odd places. I am STILL finding things to this day. I can just now look up and think, “Flipping Paul” and laugh.
For me, paying off all the debt including my home was a huge factor in finding a freedom I never thought i would have, and a good emergency fund gives peace of mind that should something happen, I know I can handle things. I also followed Donna’s advice and track my spending, and I am living luxuriously on a very frugal budget, and other than those few friends I do trust, I keep all outside influences, drama and the cares of the day out of my home.
Secondly, I make it a point to do something for myself every day. Be it a facial, hot bath, a movie or whatever I choose, I make it a point to take care of myself.
And lastly, Eddy is spot on about being in control over your own finances. Not owing anyone or having to answer to anyone is freedom that once you have it, you’ll never want to give it up 🙂
I forgot to mention a good idea Donna turned me on to was earning Swagbucks. I have gotten some really good items from Amazon when I need them, and didn’t have to pay a dime out of pocket.
Thanks, Vicky. I’ve been using it pretty steadily myself, always cashing in for Amazon gift cards. Got a bunch of Christmas gifts that way, and sometimes I’ll have items like cat food or toilet paper delivered to my daughter — it’s a way to boost her budget without hurting my own.
Anyone who isn’t a Swagbucks user: Hope you’ll consider joining with my referral link:
http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/Newlife1114
Nor should you have to give it up! My partner and I maintain separate accounts, and take turns paying for things. Some people prefer to combine monies. YMMV.
I’ve been using my Swagbucks to stock up my Indian cooking supplies. I got a mixed spice box with 30 spices, 10 pounds of soft wheat flour, chickpea flour and now I am set for summer. All for free! 2 nights ago I made Indian griddle cakes for dinner and the total cost for 1 meal was 25 cents. Next will be a kitchen scale ao I don’t have to convert from metric to US measurements. I’ve always wanted one 🙂
For every job there is a perfect tool…and the perfect price, i.e., paid for with gift cards. Well done.
Sadly, Amazon Prime does not count for Alaska (or Hawaii). So I used free Swagbucks GCs to order flax seed — and had it sent to my dad’s house so I could bring it back with me.
I can’t stress enough the importance of cooking for yourself. My mom used to say that money spent on QUALITY food is money saved at the doctor’s office. Processed foods, though they are a lifesaver sometimes, tend to be full of salt, fat, sugar and preservatives. It takes just as long to toss a chicken breast in the toaster oven and open a bag of salad as it does to nuke a frozen entree. Food isn’t just filling hole, it’s feeding a soul. Yours is hungry.
Soooo true. Thanks for the reminder, Kate. If we all ate healthier, our health care costs in America would plummet because we wouldn’t need all those expensive meds for diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.
You can get into a lot of trouble living alone, but it can also be the best decision you ever make.
Control your finances, pay your bills early, learn how to cook, save money, prioritize your life, and have responsible fun.