Donna Freedman

Should you ask for money at Christmas?

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Recently I interviewed Melissa J. Ellis, a certified financial planner from Kansas City, for an article about medical debt. One potential tactic I’d asked her about involved holiday and birthday gift-giving. Suppose when relatives and friends ask for gift ideas we were to say, “Help paying my bills”?

Ellis thought this might work for some people. But some people are embarrassed to ask for money outright. It seems gauche or greedy. The CFP suggested framing it this way:

I really appreciate that you want to give me a gift, and here is something that I could really use. It will help relieve my stress and help me feel better than a new sweater ever would.

Is that gauche? Or greedy? Personally, I’m torn.

Part of me thinks it’s not polite to dictate a gift and that it’s particularly squicky to ask for money. But the rest of me thinks some people wouldn’t mind being misdirected. If your parents want to spend $100 on a sweater and some frou-frou bath bombs on your b-day, they might find it more meaningful to send that money toward your co-pay.

After all, they’d be helping their beloved child pay less interest total on the obligation. If other relatives/friends did the same, you could see some real progress on the debt. Besides, how many sweaters does one person need?

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Yet more s–t my boyfriend says.

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(Note: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)

Because I’m a huge nerd, stories about weird medical conditions fascinate me (especially the description of how the issue was diagnosed in the first place). And since my sweetheart is also a huge nerd, he likes to listen to excerpts.

A while back I shared this weird Washington Post medical article about a guy whose sore arm could have cost his life. The diagnosis was “acute compartment syndrome,” a situation in which the pressure inside muscles grows and cuts off blood flow to an entire limb. The poor fellow needed four surgeries during eight days in the hospital. Brrrr.

When I’d finished describing the article, DF said it reminded him of the condition sometimes afflicting train travelers who demand the best and most adorable berth on the train: a cute compartment syndrome.

As my friend Linda B. would say: Gah-ROAN.

One of the most appealing things about DF is his love for wordplay. He and I will embroider on each other’s puns until one of us feels queasy. Ultimately I started writing down the worst (best?) offenders, and back in February 2018 I published a collection of his bon mots and bad puns in the tradition of “Shit My Dad Says.”

(That was the name of a series of Tweets published by Justin Halpern. Later they became a book and eventually a TV show with William Shatner that didn’t last too long, even though the word “shit” was never uttered.)

Whenever he bursts out with another pun, I’ll tell him “that’s going on the list.” Not all of them do make the list, though; some are too obscure (or too smutty) for prime time.

You can read previous installments to get an idea of how my sweetheart’s mind works:

Or you can just dive right in and read this fourth installment. You’ve been warned.

 

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How to get free stuff at the dollar store.

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Editor’s note: Some readers ask me to post periodic “read me elsewhere” updates. It’s been a while (errr, three months) so here is some of the stuff* you missed.

What’s better than finding name-brand stuff at the dollar store? Not having to pay for it, that’s what. In an article for Money Talks News called “The secret to getting dollar store items for free,” I show how shopping/coupon bloggers do the legwork for you.

Specifically, they match virtual coupons – plus any available rebates – to items found at Dollar Tree, Family Dollar and Dollar General. While the lineup varies from week to week, you can expect to find free stuff regularly (and almost-free stuff, too).

Some recent examples of completely free items: Excedrin, Purina Dentalife dog treats, Atkins frozen entrees, a three-bar pack of Zest soap, Airborne products, 3M Command Hooks, Splenda sweetener, Bounce or Downy dryer sheets, Keebler crackers, Theraflu, Advil PM, Super Pretzel Bites, Breathe Right strips, CeraVe diaper rash cream, Bic razors, Texas Pete hot sauce, Seeds of Change sauces, Suave Kids hair care products, A&D Ointment, Sucrets, Alka Seltzer Allergy, and Frigo string or shredded cheese.

The bloggers also spell out any rebate deals. Sites like Ibotta, SavingStar and Checkout 51 offer cash back on an ever-changing list of products. With coupons plus rebates you might even earn money on certain purchases.

Dollar store coupon policies vary, of course. For example, Dollar Tree lets you use a coupon with a face value of more than $1, but it will not return the difference to you in change. Family Dollar, on the other hand, will not accept a coupon with a face value greater than the price of the item. Know your store’s policies before you shop.

It’s unlikely you could take care of all your household’s needs this way. Your mileage may vary in other ways, too. Some dollar stores are smallish. Some don’t have frozen or refrigerated items. And if you live in Alaska, you don’t have personal access to dollar stores at all.

In other Money Talks News (see what I did there?):

 

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Giveaway: The medium flat-rate box of FinCon19 swag.

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I’ve been home from the 2019 Financial Blogger Conference for weeks now, and for weeks a medium-flat-rate-box-sized heap of Expo Hall swag has sat on my desk, taunting me.

What’s up for grabs this year? All sorts of goodies, many of which make primo stocking stuffers.

I haven’t catalogued and boxed it up yet because Reasons. Now it’s done, and one lucky person is going to get a large selection of offbeat items courtesy of the expo hall at the annual financial writers’ conference.

Exhibitors lure you to their tables by putting out things like T-shirts, candy, reusable shopping bags and the like. And who doesn’t need a spare box of matches, or a bottle opener, or a little bag of custom M&Ms?

Plenty of people, I know. But again, some of these things are giftable as heck. In fact, I kept a few of them back for the annual shoebox Christmas giveaway organized by a local charity. You fill a shoebox with items homeless people have requested, then wrap it with Christmas paper and drop it off at the Tastee-Freez.

This year my shoebox will include hand sanitizer, lip balm, and a notebook and pens from the expo hall, in addition to the other stuff I bought. And here are the things that this year’s box-of-FinCon-swag winner will receive:

 

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In hot water.

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About a week ago, DF decided that a sauna would be a lovely way to soothe the aches associated with some yard work. When he opened the door to the basement, though, he immediately sensed a disturbance in the force: Instead of dry, chilly air he got a blast of humid, warm air.

Yep: The water heater was in its death throes.

His first move was to turn off the water source to the heater. Although he didn’t say so, I expect his second move was to curse heartily and creatively. It was a Sunday evening and this was an inconvenience rather than an emergency, so he didn’t start looking for a plumber until the next day.

The actual replacement didn’t happen until midday Wednesday, after an attempt at a long-shot DIY fix suggested by his son, who’s in the plumbers and pipefitters union (and currently working out of state).

And of course we did it the frugal way: I cashed in for a $50 gift card from the MyPoints rewards program to add to about $40 worth of gift cards we already had, then DF shopped for a replacement and muscled it down the narrow cellar stairs with help from his other son. Since the plumber didn’t have to shop for and bring along the new heater, or carry away the old one (DF and his son got it into the Subaru and to the landfill the next day), it made for a much faster and cheaper fix.

In all we spent about $575 out of pocket. That sure beat the $1,600 quote DF got from the first plumber. We were pleased that it cost us so much less.

But boy, did I not like getting my hot water from the slow cooker.

 

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Things you do when you’re old.

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The other day I just did not feel like cooking, and none of the leftovers appealed to me.

So I chose my fallback: oatmeal. Then I realized that we had an entire gallon of milk – enough to cook farina and still make a batch of yogurt.

“Ooohhhh, no, not oatmeal. I’ll have Cream of Wheat,” I said eagerly.

Wonder whether anyone has ever said that exact sentence with that level of happiness? Probably not.

(It sure made my partner giggle, though.)

That phrase was just one more example of #ThingsOldPeopleDo. Yep, that’s an actual Twitter hashtag. And yep, I eat hot cereal for dinner sometimes, even if I also had it for breakfast.

But that’s not the only #oldpeoplething that I do. Here are a few other examples.

 

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Rage purging.

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(Surviving and Thriving has partnered with CardRatings for our coverage of credit card products. Surviving and Thriving and CardRatings may receive a commission from card issuers. Opinions, reviews, analyses and recommendations are the author’s alone, and have not been reviewed, endorsed or approved by any of these entities.)

A recent post on my neighborhood’s Buy Nothing Facebook page mentioned “rage purging.” The woman was getting rid of a bunch of stuff because she wanted to be able to park in her garage again.

Further down on the page someone was giving away a 16-quart tamale/seafood steamer – never used, she said. I wondered if it had been a wedding present that got set aside and forgotten, or whether she’d bought it herself while thinking, “Gosh, I’d use this all the time.”

These posts plus early hints of Christmas stuff in the stores made me want to write a public service announcement:

Stop buying stuff you don’t have room to store.

Stop buying stuff you will likely never use.

Stop buying stuff, period.

About that last: Obviously I don’t expect anyone never to buy stuff again, unless they’re absolute wizards at the Buy Nothing page and Freecycle. But soon we’ll be buffeted by massive marketing campaigns designed to part us from our dollars, so I’d like to suggest we all take a look at what we need – and, more to the point, what we want.

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Now available: the FinCon19 Virtual Pass.

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We were given a very small number of words to pitch our presentations for FinCon19. Here’s the description of my panel, “From Guest Posts to Six Figures: Actionable Tips for Freelancers”:

Beginning writers often take any jobs they can find, even if they’re poorly paid and/or labor-intensive. You need the clips! But at some point you should ask yourself whether it’s wise to do things like:

– Write for “exposure” (Hint: People DIE of exposure.)

– Write for peanuts (especially for clients who take up waaay too much of your time)

– Take assignments you don’t believe in (“Yay payday loans!”)

– Keep working with First-Ever Client out of loyalty, although other gigs pay better

The takeaways:

– Finding the right jobs

– Learning to say “no” (e.g., to calls/Skypes that take too much of your time)

– Asserting yourself (“My rates have gone up,” or “Sorry, I won’t put together a sidebar without being paid extra”)

– The gentle art of firing a client

It’s your career. Take charge of it, and don’t sell yourself short.

I had three wonderful, experienced panelists – Jackie Lam, Ben Luthi and Miranda Marquit –– and a responsive audience that asked good questions. It was a great experience that went past its alleged stop time and spilled out into the hallway for even more questions.

Sorry you missed it? You can pick up the video version by purchasing the FinCon19 Virtual Pass. The pass features 90+ sessions, including keynoters Sharon Epperson and Ramit Sethi, and it’s the next best thing to attending the Financial Blogger Conference IRL.

 

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When the frost is on the punkin.

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Before I went to bed last night I felt a sudden disturbance in the force. Although I’d checked the weather forecast – twice! – and it predicted a low of 40, the word “frost” flashed into my brain.

I checked again, and still no suggestion of anything cold enough to kill an outdoor plant. This morning I opened my eyes to sun bracketing the blackout curtains in our bedroom, and vowed to pick the peas. Even though it had been cool and very rainy all week, surely some of the last stragglers of the season would be ready to go.

And then DF came home from church. “Frost,” he announced.

It was 38 degrees at the time, but apparently it’s possible for frost to form even when the temperature is technically above freezing. (This short piece by Tom Skilling explains how.) At the time, I wasn’t interested in an explanation – I just wanted to see if anything in the garden was still alive.

Specifically, I was wondering about the pumpkins.

Just for fun we put two pumpkin seedlings into the ground in May. After a slow start we got exactly one fruit, which turned orange surprisingly fast. Ultimately we wound up with four more, two of which also turned orange. Two of them were latecomers and had only begun to turn orange (or so we thought) when the temperature changed.

Every day DF and I would go out to take a look at the garden in general, but our favorite part was the smallish pumpkin patch. The bright orange shining through the leaves, and the steady growth of the green ones, filled us with inordinate happiness. We anticipated letting his granddaughters choose their own jack o’ lantern material, and to invite Orion, the free-range kid to choose one as well.

And now a stealth frost might have ruined that.

 

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The first fire.

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I got home at 3 a.m. Saturday from the trifecta trip: D.C. sightseeing, FinCon19 and a visit to my brother’s. Very little sleep and not much to drink on the long trip, so I attributed my slight sore throat to fatigue and the dryness of airplane air.

After about five hours of sleep I spent a lovely, quiet day with DF, including a trip to Glen Alps in the city’s Hillside neighborhood, for a little fresh air and a short walk to enjoy the view.

When I left everything was still unnaturally green due to warmer-than-usual summer, but there’s definitely an autumnal feeling now: leaves turning gold, a coolness in the air, a lowering angle of sun, the sharp scent of highbush cranberries and dying vegetation.

Our back yard is dying back, too, but a ton of tomatoes still peep out from the tangle of outdoor vines. It’s pretty astonishing that they’re doing as well as they are, given that they’re varieties like Stupice and Czech’s bush rather than Siberian hybrid tomatoes.

The outdoor cucumber vines are yellowing but still producing; also unusual, but welcome, since the greenhouse vines are spawned-out. The pea vines are definitely on the wane, yet I picked enough to yield a full pint of shelled fruit, which will make the coming year’s turkey pies that much more succulent. The pods went into the boiling bag, to yield yet another container of soup stock with a definite sweetness.

And oh, the pumpkins, whose vines started slowly but have now produced five or six behemoths that will remain in situ until just before the first frost. Most will be divided among family and friends, with the proviso that we get the pulp scooped out during the jack o’lantern process. We’ll save a few seeds to plant and roast the rest, and add the squishy parts to the boiling bag.

By early evening I realized that I still had the sore throat, along with some congestion and headache. No elevation in temperature, though, so I figured it was a virus that I could kill with fluids and rest.

Sleeping for about 10 hours didn’t drive it away, so this morning DF bundled me back into bed with a couple of heated rice socks and an Advil PM. For almost the next six hours I slept deeply, and woke still under the weather but definitely stronger, albeit somewhat Rip Van Winkled by the loss of most of a day.

And then DF built the first fire of the season.

 

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