This is the third in a series of posts spotlighting the at-times clever and at-times groaningly awful wordplay in which my partner regularly indulges. When he comes up with another zinger my response (other than laughter and/or eyerolls) is generally, “That’s going on the list.”
Not that I always remember to write them down. And not that all of them are suitable for sharing; some are too obscure and convoluted, and others are just kinda naughty.
Too, some of them aren’t pun-ny – they’re just odd.
About the headline: It spins off the best-selling book (and short-lived TV series), “S#*t My Dad Says.” The author was a guy whose father was given to pithy pronouncements, some of which were definitely NSFW.
The other two posts are linked at the end of this piece. Probably I should beg the readers’ pardon for sharing some of this stuff. But as Dogbert says, “Puns! Never apologize, never explain.”
Here, then is the third list. It almost certainly won’t be the last list.
After spying a business card for the website HerMoney:
“That’s the kind of music the Sweet Adelines make when they’re singing about paychecks.”
Somehow I lost the ongoing list, and loudly lamented that bonehead move as I tried to recreate the bon mots from memory.
He soothed me by saying, “Don’t worry – there’s always more where those came from. Unfortunately.”
One day I asked him to turn on the radio, as long as it wasn’t time for the Baroque Flute Hour. (That’s our code for twee stuff we don’t want to hear.)
He said he would go to the pawn shop and buy a bunch of flutes that no longer worked. Then he would hire people to try and play them on the air for “the Baroque-n Flute Hour.”
I took Antonia Fraser’s “Mary Queen of Scots” from the library recently, and DF caught a glimpse of the cover.
He immediately told me a little-known fact: that one woman has been responsible for all “Saturday Night Live” routines since the show began. “They call her Mary, Queen of Skits.”
Tidying up after breakfast, he was miserably tempted by a scrap of fallen meat:
“It’s a rare thing on the floor that doesn’t look edible to me.”
Apropos of absolutely nothing:
“Oh, look, it’s a book of actuarial tables: The Book of Mammon.”
Describing Internet articles whose underpinnings are almost criminally fake:
“Baloney-ous.”
When I said I was taking the Bing homepage quiz:
“If there were a foodie game show it could be called ‘Quiz-ine’.”
Upon hearing the Christmas carol lyric “to hear the angels sing”:
“At the home for the elderly unwed, you hear the singles age.”
During a phone conversation with his mom:
“If I had all the money in the world I wouldn’t be any happier than I am right now. I have enough, and it turns out that’s all you need.”
Well, that and plenty of puns.
Related reading:
It took me a moment to get the Baroque-n flute pun, but when I did I both smiled AND groaned. Never a dull moment with your partner,eh?
Never.
Love it! It’s wonderful when you find THE man to love, who loves you back, and a bonus when he has a sense of humor. He’s a keeper!
Indeed he is.
Several laugh out loud-ers for me . . . the baroque-en flutes, Unfortunately, the scrap of meat on the floor, Quiz-ine and baloney-ous. LOL I’m particularly susceptible to puns myself, so they all tickled my fancy. (Not literally, though, as my dear husband would say.)
I imagine he’s slyly referencing “The Book of Mormon” with the Book of Mammon. Just curious – are either of you Mormon? (Please don’t feel obliged to answer if you’d rather not.)
Nope, neither of us is Mormon. And yes, he was referencing “The Book of Mormon,” which at that time had just played in Anchorage.
Thanks for a hilarious & relatable read! Brightened my day 🙂
Oh, Donna, I envy you, but in a good way.
I hear you.
Very nice!