I’m drowning in end-of-the-year charity solicitations. Social causes, political action groups, health-care organizations, educational advocacy agencies…Some I’ve never heard of, some I’ve helped in the past. All of them worthy.
Thanks to texting, social media and e-mail lists, marketing departments have more ways than ever to reach out to us. “They know that we have a tendency toward (giving) at this time of year, and they really double down on it,” says behavioral finance expert Dr. Ted Klontz, co-author of books like Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health.
You’re aware that need exists, and would like to help. But giving without a plan could potentially turn you into a charity case.
“If you harm yourself financially, you’re creating the same kind of problems you’re trying to solve,” says Manisha Thakor, vice president of financial education for Brighton Jones and author of On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance.
I talked with Manisha and several other money experts for an article on a new website, Considerable.com. All of them told me pretty much the same thing:
Saying “no” is hard.
Saying “no” is, at some point, necessary.
“A gracious ‘no, not now’ is ideal,” says Delia Fernandez, a certified financial planner in Los Alamitos, Calif. One way she suggests framing it: “I’ve focused my charitable dollars this year on (other causes), but I’d be glad to consider it for next year.”
For some of her belt-tightening clients, Fernandez has talked about ways they can give: volunteering, donating “gently used” items to thrift shops, even giving like-new professional garb to programs like Working Wardrobes.
For more tips on both creating an action plan and setting boundaries, see “This is the way to say ‘no’ to charity requests without sounding like Scrooge” over at Considerable.com. The site is for people 45 and older who are “redefining what it means to grow older and are looking forward to what’s next.”
What else I’ve been writing
Meanwhile, at Money Talks News, I had fun with topics like “17 ways to keep your holidays debt-free” and “7 good reasons Generation Z is opting out of college.”
The former is a little late for this year, true, but contains tactics to keep Silly Season 2019 from busting the budget. The latter reinforced what I’ve said before: College isn’t the only path to a better life.
I’ve been busy doing stuff for The Simple Dollar lately, too, including:
“11 mental mistakes that can ruin your holiday season”
“Money and life lessons from a major earthquake”
“11 simple (and mostly cheap) tactics for weathering winter’s worst”
The toughest one to write was “What a financial trainwreck can teach us: Six mistakes to learn from.” The topic filled me with equal parts terror, frustration and compassion, and I wanted to be sure I got it right. Short form: It’s easy to think that other people’s screw-ups are so private and perverse that we’d never do anything that dumb.
But at the heart of these errors are our all-too-human tendency to ignore, explain away or simply not understand financial mistakes. The insidious, boiling-the-frog nature of these tendencies can do major, major damage to our short- and long-term security.
I was furious with the couple profiled in the story. Yet I also understood how they landed so deep in the poo. I wanted to shake them until their teeth rattled, and I also wanted to help.
As always, if you visit any of these articles and feel compelled to comment, it helps my cause as a writer. Editors who see comments think, “Holy cow, what a conversation Donna has started! I should certainly give her some more assignments, and maybe even a raise* to keep her!”
Hope that everyone within the sound of my virtual voice has a lovely holiday of choice. And those who don’t celebrate at all? Hope you didn’t get stuck** working just because you don’t identify with a particular cultural or religious tradition. Sometimes it feels good to sleep late and then lie around reading all day or binge-watching a newly discovered series*** for hours while eating foods with more HFCS than fiber.
*Unlikely, but despite my age I do believe in Christmas miracles.
**Unless, of course, it was at a fabulous holiday wage differential. Here’s how I spent a double shift on July 4, 1976 at the glass factory: time and a half for the first eight hours, double time for the next four hours and triple time for the last four hours. Totally worth it.
***If you like great writing and wonderful ensemble performances and have a tolerance for some naughtiness, I’d suggest “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” “Superstore” and “The Good Place.” Oh, and “Madam Secretary” – Tea Leoni and Tim Daly have a chemistry that reminds me a lot of the one DF and I share.
Wrong link to Kate and Tom. Did find the article by Googling. What a couple of dumb bunnies…..
Whoops. Thanks for letting me know. Will fix.
Money Talks News – I see no place to leave a comment.
Thanks for letting me know. i’ll ask the editor what’s up, because there usually is a comments section.
Hi- used the link from Katy’s site and read your article about “6 things the crazy couple did wrong”- I thought I’d make a comment there, but see nowhere to do it. It’s Jan. 5, so maybe too late? Just FYI. Thanks!
Thank you. Hope you’ll check out a few other articles. I suggest starting with the “Popular Posts” button on the main page.
I am feeling the charity overload. I have a predetermined amount of funds for charity. I support my church, and the charities the church curates for me, a school Good Shepherd Academy in Cameroon, Urban Promise in Camden and Trenton, the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen and another charity in Honduras. Yet, I go out of my way and actively think of strategies to avoid the charity gauntlet at the grocery store exit. It is just change, but I don’t want to be pressured to hand it over. I am uncomfortable with being asked to support people and their kids in charities where I pay by the mile or their do good deed trips that require airfare, lodging and everyone they know to be asked to pay for it. It makes me feel like an ATM machine and it is not necessarily a charity I ever thought of supporting.
And once you get past the “would you like to donate $2 to Cause of the Month?” from the cashier, there’s a table of scouts or youth sports sitting by the exit, asking you to buy (whatever) to support their trip to (wherever). My stock reply is, “I’m afraid I can’t today, but I wish you luck with your fundraiser.”
Nothing against scouts or youth sports, mind you. I just prefer to send my giving dollars to the charities I have already chosen.
Yes. Exactly.
I’m with you, I hate feeling “guilted” into giving!
Doesn’t seem to be any way to comment at the Simple Dollar article?
I cringed at the quotes from the original article – these 2 have no interest in changing their behavior – and no real understanding that it wasn’t something done *to* them.
Yep. As though money were some chaotic force over which they had no control. But again, I know people who grew up never seeing responsible use of cash. To them, it’s “Got money? Spend it! Because who knows when you’ll have money again???”
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
I liked the other articles, but that trainwreck one was hard to read. It definitely reminded me that I am the one in charge of my finances, and I’m lucky enough to not currently have any serious illnesses or accidents.
Thanks. And it was hard to read. The sheer WTF-ery of it made me think, “Surely they can’t be that clueless. Was it more of a gradual thing? Basic ignorance of money plus ‘Everyone else is doing it so it must be okay’ plus this need to keep up with others?” Which in turn led me to think, “How many of us might be guilty of modified forms of these behaviors?”
And yes, ultimately we are the ones in charge. Even if we don’t like the hands we’ve been dealt, it’s up to us to play them. That’s what I’ve been writing about since 2007: Live the best life you can on the money you currently have, without losing your dignity or your hopes for a better future.
Thanks for being such a consistent reader and commenter.
if your a netflixer check out Dumplin and Bird Box two Netflix originals that are getting rave reviews and if your like me and prefer Amazon Prime watch the Wonderful Mrs. Maisel! There is some swearing but the cast is amazing and funny! I binge watched the second season in one day!
I didn’t even know simple dollar was still around but I want to go read the profile on the couple!
The Simple Dollar is still around. Although its creator sold the site, he still writes there.
Hard to believe that this couple’s priorities are so screwed up, but they remind me of my in-laws. My father-in-law is an architect and has made a good living all his life, but at nearly 70, can’t afford to retire. Meanwhile, my mother-in-law doesn’t work (no reason she can’t) and my 34 year old brother-in-law (who has a full time job) still lives with them. I have went over budgeting with my MIL and let her borrow all my frugal books in the past (at her request), but nothing has changed. Every time we visit there is a room that has been redecorated and Amazon unopened boxes in the living room, BUT they can’t afford to come visit us or take off work when we visit. Needless to say, it is hard to find common ground with my in-laws. I thank God, though, that my husband, who was raised that way, has come over to the “dark side” as I call it, and we are on the same page moneywise. I feel bad for my husband who has to hear them complaining about money whenever he calls them, but they don’t want to change, so there is not much we can do. My jaw dropped when my husband said “my brother paid for the standing rib roast for Christmas dinner this year, so Mom and Dad didn’t have to pay $150.” WTF???? Who spends $150 on a piece of meat when you can’t retire???? I think he told me thinking I would say how nice his brother was, but he doesn’t pay rent or contribute to any household expenses, and I couldn’t get over the cost of the roast, so I didn’t say anything. I fear for their future.
I fear for your future — they might be planning on moving in with you.
Stay strong.