On Friday morning I was rushing through my exercises, as usual, and thinking about five other things, as usual. Preparing for a hamstring stretch, I swung my left foot up toward the cedar chest. I missed, and the top of my foot hit the couch.
Side note: It’s not really a couch. It’s a loveseat/sleeper, a purply-pink fabric stretched over a frame made of steel, or possibly bricks. The corner, where the steel/bricks meet, was where my second toe connected.
Instantly I unleashed multi-syllabic swear words. The air turned blue overhead. I swear the loveseat blushed. After hobbling around the living room like a football player who’s just taken a crotch shot (Walk it off, Freedman, walk it off), I said out loud, “I have got to start paying attention to one thing at a time.”
On the bright side, the pain gave me an excuse to declare my exercises finished for the day.
Donna the damaged doofus
The toe still hurt an hour later. It was bruised in the same mottled color scheme as the loveseat, and noticeably swollen. When I tried to move the digit, the needle on my pain meter leapt about 30 points. A perfect match for “broken toe symptoms.”
And boy, did I feel like a doofus. “I broke my toe because I wasn’t paying attention” is a pretty stupid thing to do, let alone admit. How much cooler to be able to say something like:
I broke my toe while setting an Olympic speed-skating record.
Or:
I broke my toe running out of a burning pet shop with my arms full of puppies and bunnies.
Technically, I could have gone to my HMO. But what could a doctor do? Probably tell me the same thing the Internet did: Ice it and stay off it.
The bag lady
I don’t have an ice pack, but remembered the old mom-trick of freezing a wet washcloth in a plastic bag. There followed a frugalist stereotype of epic proportions: Me sorting through my saved-bag collection.
- The hot-dog roll and bread bags were too big; besides, I wanted to hang on to them to store leftovers.
- The frozen soybeans bag was smaller but also kind of cellophane-y so it wouldn’t wrap around my foot.
- Tons of Ziplocs, but these cost money.
- Cheap plastic sandwich bags would have been perfect but I’m out; waiting for another coupon sale at Walgreens.
(Yes, I already know I need to get a life. Thank you for bringing it up.)
Finally I decided on a Lender’s Bagels bag and have been using it and the frozen washcloth ever since. My toe still looks ugly, but it’s improving. Today I’ll have to put on real shoes in order to keep an appointment; I’ll take flip-flops along in case the digit starts to swell again.
It could have been worse (even though it still sucks)
The frugal lesson here: Inattention can cost you, both literally and figuratively.
- Until I can walk a minimum of two miles I’ll use the bus for errands, at $4 to $4.50 round-trip.
- The hobble-shuffle gait is making the rest of me ache, especially my lower back.
- If I’m shoeless much longer my plantar fasciitis will come back, since I can’t wear arch supports with flip-flops.
- This sedentary life is not healthy, especially since walking is my main exercise (I gave away my car last August).
I suppose I got off cheaply, though. Suppose I’d broken my ankle? That would have cost me a taxi or an ambulance plus a nice chunk of my $1,500 deductible, followed by the problems noted above – and for a lot longer).
No, this was just a slightly painful reminder to focus on what I’m doing while I’m doing it. Next time I might not be so lucky.
And the corollary lesson? Exercise is dangerous. Avoid it.
Sorry about your foot! FYI, Walgreens sells these fabulous gel arch supports that specifically say they will work on flip-flops. It’s just the arch portion, and they are clear and have incredible adhesive, which they warn will prevent you from moving them once adhered, but which makes them great for flip-flops. Great for those of us with high arches who always need arch supports! (I’ve been known to stack 2).
Aww — sorry! I did appreciate the catalog of the bags, though! Hope you are jumping around soon . . .
One should always have a sexy cover story. A friend of mine who broke her ankle two years ago always said it was “skiiing accident,” which, I guess, is sort of true. She had all her skiing equipment out on the lawn for inspection, and tripped over the curb, breaking her ankle!
Right now is when a pair of ugly Crocs would come in handy for you.
@Elizabeth: Thanks for the tip. I had no idea that product existed.
@Grace: I admire your friend’s facility with words. Guess that ruined the ski season for her, though?
“Bjorn, my personal trainer, wasn’t watching at that moment, and I improperly executed a move.” There! Every bit as exotic as a skiing accident.
I broke the same little toe at least twice on the corner of the bricks underneath our Franklin stove. And I broke the other little toe at least once. Don’t feel bad. And if you can cram your foot into shoes before your appointment, do NOT attempt to flex your toes at the appointment. You will either want to scream or faint. Don’t ask me how I know.
@Laura: Thanks for that warning. I hate screaming out loud in public, and fainting is just embarrassing.
When I got tired of people asking why I had to have part of my ulna replaced with titanium and had a big honking splint and sling (it was rheumatoid arthritis, which is definitely a conversation killer), I stole the story of a guy I met in PT with the same surgery: “It was a gunshot injury.” I also toyed with “I fell off my Harley and accidentally shot myself,” but had trouble getting the chronology straight and kept telling people I shot myself and THEN fell off my Harley. Oh, what a tangled web we weave…
@Susan Morgan: I like the idea of shooting yourself first, because then you have an *excuse* to fall off the Harley. A real biker would never let go for any other reason.
When my daughter was in the ICU some years ago, she had to have a feeding tube implanted. It left a scar. I suggested that if in the future anyone asked about it, she could say she was the victim of a piercing gone horribly awry. I also suggested that she could start a new trend: ABOVE-the-navel piercings.
Thanks for stopping by.
“I broke my toe running out of a burning pet shop with my arms full of puppies and bunnies.”-LOL! You are funny and just a smidgen crazy!
I have a plan.(Usually, people run for cover when I say that) Duct tape the arch supports to your feet and then wear flip flops. As crazy as that sounds it should work. Honestly, you should read my post about DJ’s eyes and honey. I really do these things.
I used to suffer from horrible plantar fasciitis (too much walking on legs where one is just smidge longer than the other = too much heel striking…), but I had a fabulous chiropractor who cured me in two adjustments. Haven’t had it since…
I feel for you–I broke my little toe running to answer the phone–smashed it right into the leg of the coffee table. Damn phone has much to answer for.
@Kymm: The phone has a lot to “answer” for? Welcome, fellow punster!
My initial reaction to the ‘what might have been’ broken ankle scenario: the taxi cab ride came at the top of the list of expenses, after the hospital stuff? Funny funny. Then again, ambulance rides are NOT cheap. I had one of those before. Good lord.
Twelve years ago, I got up to go to my kitchen and fell onto my loveseat in excrutiating pain. My left little toe was broken so badly, it was at a 90 degree angle from my foot. I’d banged it against my metal-framed coffee table leg. Yes, I replaced the coffee table.
I drove myself to the hospital, grateful that my right foot was uninjured. I had to wait 90 minutes for a 0rthopedic surgeon who’d been called to the hospital because someone had just been in a horrific car accident. He rushed into the room I’d been placed in, grabbed my foot and began setting my toe. I guess my blood-curdling shreiks were distracting him, so he grabbed a syringe of something very numbing and injected my foot before continuing with putting my toe back into position. No problems with it since then. He wasn’t the most sensitive doctor I’ve ever met, but Thank God, he did know what he was doing!
Oh, Donna. Welcome to my world. The difference? I have long toes, so even such simple, NORMAL acts as climbing out of the shower can be extremely dangerous.
Seriously: I break or jam a toe at least once or twice a year. I’m used to it. I’ve done this since I was 16. (I’m not over 30.)
I completely understand “paying attention,” but it doesn’t seem to matter to me. I’ve broken toes by tripping over a phone cord, kicking a family member (I was a teenager and said family member has since forgiven me), and by slipping (read: doing the splits) on wet linoleum.
Hope you are well soon!
@Catseye: Yowza! I feel a lot better about my little problem.
Thanks for stopping by — and please, please, be careful where you step. 😉
Aha! I knew I inherited my klutziness from you! Remember when I tripped (over something I had JUST MOVED) and fell into the corner of the wall. I had a bump on my jawbone for days!
Or when I slipped getting into the tub and banged my shin so hard that it hurt to walk for several days?
I blame you.
PS. Exercise is clearly a plot concocted by the government to kill off enough people that Social Security remains solvent.
PPS. Don’t forget you also advised me to say the feeding tube scar was actually from when I took a bullet for the president.
I thought it was the trach scar that was caused by the bullet you took for the president?
Ouch! In the toe & the pocketbook.
One way to deal with the plantar f. when your toe is not cooperating with your shoes is to look for open-toed clog-style sandals — they have nice arch support a little lift in the heel (which my doc’ said was necessary for p.f. and the accompanying Achilles tendonitis…the only time he recommends heels!). Dansko makes some like that. You can get the original Danskos, which were made by Sanitas, as seconds at a site called Footprints, much discounted.
Buy a bag of frozen peas, on sale of course. These are used for any joints or swellings by my tennis group, refreeze nicely, and are a joke that it’s “too the bag of peas” for the rest of the day. The bag will wrap around about any joint and can be taped in place. I also rebuke the harming spirit and cast it into the lake of fire. That is where inattention needs to go.