The times in which we live are not just potentially deadly. They’re psychologically and emotionally exhausting.
People are dealing with not just varying degrees of isolation but also variables like:
– The fear that loved one (especially elders) will get sick and they won’t be allowed to visit
– Unemployment (or having to keep working without reliable child care and/or proper protection)
– Food and household product shortages
– Generalized anxiety, which can mean existing in fight-or-flight mode 24/7 and can also make the simplest tasks of daily living feel insurmountable
– Being full-time parents in a pandemic, i.e., trying to explain the new normal to housebound kids who can’t quite grasp why they can’t visit friends or go to the movies
– Maybe being not just full-time parents but also homeschool teachers who are still expected to put in a full day’s work from home
Yet among the ever-more-horrifying news articles and social media posts, I’ve also read some pretty funny scenes from quarantines. Moms and dads talk about all the math they can’t remember, or moan that the math they do remember has been replaced by Common Core.
People who wear glasses joke darkly about their masks’ effects on their specs. (I’ve had some fairly foggy vision myself on our weekly trips to the Outside World.)
Work-from-home* parents report the mortification of having pants-less offspring run through the room during video conferences. Once-tight couples realize that their SOs have some Really Annoying Habits, or at least habits magnified by enforced togetherness.
I laugh at these things, sometimes harder than the actual humor warrants. We need laughter right now, to offset the daily horror show that is the 24-hour news cycle.
Hence, this article – not intended to make light of a very real public health and economic crisis, but rather to provide what we hope will be a few much-needed laughs.
“We”? Yes, we. The first part is running here and the second is over on my daughter’s site, I Pick Up Pennies. We’ve recorded a few random observations about the new normal.
The paper chase
Desert = so much water = so many trips to the john = so much toilet paper (a scarce commodity). Which could potentially = panicked searches for TP, but my daughter tends to stock up around Black Friday. Good thing, because store shelves here remain stubbornly bare.
You’re gonna need an ocean…
Desert + COVID = so much handwashing + so much lotion. The dry desert air is already wreaking havoc. I’m practically drinking Aveeno.
Too much time online, part 1
My daughter remarked that she really needs to stop reading the AITA** Reddit page, a compendium of really clueless and sometimes horrifying behavior. “I’m starting to side with the virus.”
Quarantine road trips
Going out to pick up the mail.
Taking recyclables to the curb.
Hauling trash and litterbox gleanings to the dumpster.
Loop upon loop of the walking trail in the park next door.
No wonder the weekly (masked) grocery run feels like a trip to Xanadu.
Screens of the damned
Netflix is the opiate of the masses – I’ve watched more TV in the past few weeks than in the past four months. Amazing how easy it is to sit and let art just wash over you.
Even if it’s not exactly art that we’re watching, but rather violent (and gripping) fare like “Ozark” and “The Americans,” or eye candy like “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and “Lucifer,” or pure comedy like “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” and “Superstore.”
Rationalization, part 1
Telling ourselves that deliveries of pizza and cinnamon sticks are “supporting the local economy.” Ditto the shopping cart full of pretzel sticks, gingersnaps, cheesy poofs and other snacks. We’re not stress-eating, you’re stress-eating!
Too much time online, part 2
My own Reddit guilty pleasure is called JustNoMIL, a place where people can rant about their awful in-laws or their awful mothers, who are sometimes referred to as “birth givers” or “egg donors.”
Think that sounds harsh? Read some of the posts and you might change your mind. Pretty sure they can’t all be fictional.
Why do I read it? Because it makes me feel quasi-normal.
Stubbornly frugal, part 1
Ordered some Liquid Plum-r due to an unfortunate sink backup. It took almost two weeks to arrive due to Amazon delivery delays. But neither of us wanted to pay full price for the stuff at the supermarket, so I used Amazon gift cards I’d earned through the Swagbucks rewards program.
P.S. It didn’t work. Abby had to call a non-liquid plumber.
Eating
So. Much. Eating. And – shocker! – not always eating well.
Sometimes I know I should make a “real” meal. But I can’t motivate myself so I cop out with cheese and crackers and fruit, or oatmeal or generic Rice Chex. In my defense, milk lasts a long time in Anchorage but it goes bad a lot faster here. Speaking of which…
Stubbornly frugal, part 2
The last of a gallon of milk turned a day or two before its sell-by date. I used it to make a batch of flapjacks and a lightning cake.
Prospecting in Abby’s freezer, I found leftovers from previous visits: a partially used container of spreadable butter, a half-loaf of bread and the remains of a chicken enchilada casserole. The butter was still pretty good but the other two items had definitely been frozen for a long time. No matter. I don’t believe in wasting food, so I ate it all.
I’ve been saving vegetable scraps for a boiling bag and veggie cooking liquid to add to those scraps in the slow cooker. The first batch was cooked down with the pan juices and bones from a chicken I roasted; I turned the resulting stock into a very basic potage with onions, carrots and potatoes. Now I’ve got a second batch of veggie scraps in the freezer for future soup.
That bread from Abby’s freezer was too big to fit in the toaster, so I had to cut strips off the side of each slice. I then cut these strips into smaller pieces to make croutons for the soup. However, my decision to make them just a few minutes longer resulted in incinerated cubes. I hate throwing things away, especially since DF would have happily eaten the croutons. Myself, I can’t abide food that tastes like fireplace ash.
Quarantine: Time slows down
Unless you’re the can of soda that was put into the freezer to get really cold. Which it did.
Is it Blursday already?
More than once I’ve had to ask Siri what day it is.
Eating, non-toxic version
It hasn’t only been about dollar-store pretzel sticks and cereal eaten from the box. For example, I’ve roasted big batches of broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and onions with olive oil and kosher salt, to be eaten with rice.
Each trip to the market means a ton of fresh fruit because the cost is astoundingly low compared to Alaska prices. This is especially true of the ranch market; I do dramatic recitations of their ad for DF, so we can sigh over 49-cents-per-pound Roma tomatoes.
Last week I found lentils and dry black beans at the grocery store. The lentils will become part of an upcoming curry, and tomorrow I plan to cook the black beans with olive oil, cumin, garlic, onions and pepper and eat them with rice and a touch of salsa and sour cream.
But that’s tomorrow. Right now, I’m going to hang out with Cap’n Crunch. During a pandemic, I can’t resist a man in uniform.
Okay, readers, spill: How is quarantine shaping up for you? (And to hear Abby’s side, remember to visit her site.)
*This has been abbreviated as “WFH” in the media lately. During a live chat hosted by Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax, a reader said she thought “WFH” meant “what fresh hell.” You know, she’s not wrong.
**That’s an acronym for Am I The, uh, Anus. Sort of.
I always enjoy reading your posts..i have been retired for 5 years, so i am used to staying home..but I feel its scarry how much the goverment is controlling our lives. Seeing on the news that some states let abortion clinics stay open but close churches. I cant wait to see my grandbabys again n go back to random shopping where i want to go.
Stay safe.
Yep. The eating junk part. All over it. Weight gain as a side effect. Very bummed about that. Binge watching The Office on Netflix. My daily laugh, which is VERY needed.
Our area is now ramping up cases, so grocery stores are a bit empty. Hoarding has been the way — the everyone for yourselves attitude is quite disturbing, but then again, this area is all about that. (Which is why I’ll be moving as soon as hubby calls it quits at his job — which now, has been extended about two years….)
My trip to Alaska was cancelled (obviously), but we will get there. We are thinking of doing a land tour next time. I’ll let you know when I’m coming. 😉
I’m reading more, I decorated our living room with Wayfair in March (it’s beautiful!), and am trying out new recipes (when I can get the ingredients). I have good days and bad days. But, hey, this is new to all of us.
Stay safe Donna!
The thing I miss the most is church, especially getting together with friends for Bible studies and grieving ( we lost a fellow sister in horrific circumstances non-pandemic related). Although we do keep in touch by phone and email, it’s not the same.
We do have our moments of hilarity. One of us is 90 years old and has to wear protection against “leaks.” Well, her son had moved in with her for the duration and is her chief procurer of goods. She ran out of pads and dreaded telling him about it. When he sat down to order the weekly Walmart supply, she tried to explain to him delicately (remember she came from the ladylike generation). Her worldly son just smiled, showed her the pictures on the website, she pointed and voila! It was done quickly and painlessly.
Another thing I have noticed is the way parents are interacting with their kids. On the playground by my apartment, I saw several dads teaching their kids how to play baseball. It was so much fun watching them obey social distancing while instructing. They were all having a great time.
I find myself eating and eating and eating. I purchased a new cookbook and am now on page 82. If this doesn’t end soon, I shall weigh 300 plus pounds. Really.
However, I refuse to let all this isolate me. I do wear a mask and gloves, but I am going to the stores that are open and making friends with the clerks. I am saving a ton of money on lipstick haha. Would it be cheaper to wear a mask all the time or applying listick? I shall research that. I take rides in the country and enjoy seeing peeks of green and the waning of snow. I take walks outdoors and am working with weights to increase my strength. Netflix and Hulu have saved me, and I am reading the Bible again from cover to cover.
But the best thing to do is wear a smile. Admittedly I have to tell people when I am smiling because of the mask, but being cheerful is contagious.
One time I lost it: at the grocery store, the clerk, a sweet young high schooler, inadvertently touched a customer’s hand when she was checking out, and the lady became unglued. She was screaming at the poor girl to the point where the manager had to intervene. Then the customer, sniffling, pulled out her card, swiped it, and proceeded to pick up the pen on the pad and signed her name. I pointed out to her that the pen was filthier than the clerk had done. Wow. Has it come to this?
Oops. 3rd to last sentence should read “than what the clerk had done.” We call it the Corona Brain instead of a senior moment.
My poor hands–good thing I have a tub of Cetaphil to keep them from becoming scales.
I retired 2 years ago, so I’ve learned how to keep myself busy through the day, but miss social interaction. My knitting group meets on Zoom, a friend offers weekly meditation on Zoom, my Sunday school class meets via Zoom, I attend a board meeting on…. Zoom. A study group collaborated on Zoom. While I am thankful for this platform, I’d like to Zoom ahead to a time when I am not so tied to technology.
I am eating more junk as well and actually getting to the leftovers that are in the fridge rather than tossing them.
I’ve made and donated masks, made bread to give to neighbors, cookies too, sent cards of encouragement, sorted pictures and sent copies of them to college roommates from 40 years ago, emailed and texted friends to keep in touch, read more, cleaned more.
We’re also in the process of downsizing our house and moving, so there have been the additional challenges of trying to sell things online (safely), home renovations on a new place, and having more together time with my spouse. Most nights I sleep well, but have noticed the tension in my neck has flared up in the last week.
Okay, so now I am rambling….We are safe, healthy, have enough to eat and have paper products. I am grateful that it’s spring and am more aware of the changing, beautiful world.
I chuckle at the glasses thing. My prescription is a trifocal without lines. Mask pushes the glasses a little and changes the focal point. I will have to remember to readjust. Just read a post from a friend whose mom fell and broke a hip because the mask messed with her vision of her feet! Yikes. Bad time for that sort of issue.
I am one of those who can’t see when going out, as my glasses are always fogged up and I am lost without them for seeing anything. I have to see if there is something you can put on the glasses so they won’t fog. The masks keep coming off, that I wonder if they are doing any good. I have small ears, and the mask comes off, then I tried the ones to tie in back and on the top or back of ears and they slide down. I am starting to wonder if it worth all the trouble. I do put on when I go anywhere. I was used to being a homebody with the exception of shopping, but I do feel isolated. If I don’t soon get some toilet paper, I will have to figure something out. No more sears catalogs or butcher’s paper-HA HA. I can’t seem to find it, nor tissues at any place, nor online. We had to cancel a 3 days senior bus trip that was scheduled. Next year was going to be our 50th and we were going to do a cruise. After all the horror there, we decided we will never go on another cruise. This just seems like a horror show or nightmare that you can’t wake up from. I never saw anything like it in my lifetime. Had doctor’s appts. canceled twice now and rescheduled. I am so afraid I will go out shopping and get it and bring it home to hubby who has a bunch of pre-existing conditions. Thank the Lord, we are all ok so far, as we live in a very small town and there are a bunch of cases here. I used to think my daughter was weird (she has RA) ordering online for pickup. Now I feel it is a god-send for me. We don’t have any food delivery places here, and one thing I miss was going out to eat about 1 time a week or every other week. I have never cooked and did so many dishes in my life as now. Know it is a good thing, but once in a awhile I like to have someone cook for me! Hope everyone is safe and doesn’t get this!
I am one of those who can’t see when going out, as my glasses are always fogged up and I am lost without them for seeing anything. The masks keep coming off, that I wonder if they are doing any good. . I do put on when I go anywhere. I was used to being a homebody with the exception of shopping, but I do feel isolated. If I don’t soon get some toilet paper, I will have to figure something out. No more sears catalogs or butcher’s paper-HA HA. I can’t seem to find it, nor tissues at any place, nor online. We had to cancel a 3 days senior bus trip that was scheduled. Next year was going to be our 50th and we were going to do a cruise. After all the horror there, we decided we will never go on another cruise. This just seems like a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. I never saw anything like it in my lifetime. Had doctor’s appts. canceled twice now and rescheduled. I am so afraid I will go out shopping and get it and bring it home to hubby who has a bunch of pre-existing conditions. Thank the Lord, we are all ok so far, as we live in a very small town and there are a bunch of cases here. I used to think my daughter was weird (she has RA) ordering online for pickup. Now I feel it is a god-send for me. We don’t have any food delivery places here, and one thing I miss was going out to eat about once a week . I have never cooked and did so many dishes in my life as now. Know it is a good thing, but once in a awhile I like to have someone cook for me! Hope everyone is safe and doesn’t get this!
Regarding the bathroom tissue shortage, research “family cloth”. Several ideas are available. I suggest cutting up a couple of old t-shirts–they will not ravel in the wash. I use a spray bottle with plain water to clean and then just pat dry with the t-shirt pieces.
Either save the bathroom tissue you have for “messes” or prepare to just throw those t-shirt pieces away.
I am a longtime reader from NC. I am currently quarantined with my husband and two kids. Last week I saw Facebook post from the local farmers market for a chicken sale. 40lbs for $45. A deal even under normal circumstances and a miracle when the local stores are almost out of meat. I worked out a split with my sister and my husband went out to pick it up, leaving me with the kids and a morning conference call for work. When he got back and was putting our half in the freezer, he asked me ‘Do you know why there’s a balloon covered in chocolate sauce in the freezer?’ I replied ‘I do not. It’s been that kind of morning.”
That really WAS a deal. Glad you were able to get it.
A fun neologism for people splitting the price of a side of beef: cowpooling.
Dental offices are only open for emergency treatment, so I haven’t been doing regular work for a month now. I am getting partially paid and doing webinars of varying quality from home. Other than being more stressed trying to get groceries it’s been fine. I have learned to make no-knead bread to supplement the store bread, when I can get it. I have recently discovered O’keefe’s working hands. You can get it in a tub from costco, it really helps. I try to do that once a day, then use normal hand lotion when I can. You don’t need much and you don’t have lotion hands after.
I’m still working at the deli/small grocery store here in town which has become a virtual bee hive of activity. Especially the older folks who don’t want to run the risk of infection at the large chain grocery stores so they are purchasing their needs and wants at our little store. Good for business since we lost most of our lunch crowd when the surrounding businesses closed (temporarily, hopefully). I have a large plexiglass shield between the customers and myself and I wash surfaces down frequently. We had been using Lysol wipes…when those ran out we went to baby wipes doused with straight alcohol. Besides that, my infrequent trips to the large grocery store to pick up things I can’t get at the deli for ourselves and an 87 year old friend who is staying put in her home and going to the pharmacy, we stay at home. Trying to make this social distancing thing work. Even at my 87 year old friend’s house, I disinfect my hands, I put the bags of groceries at her door, call her to let her know her order has arrived!…she’s such a love and has been good to me y whole life…like Another Mother…so I work hard at keeping her safe. Overall, we’re accepting the social situation but it’s just DH and me here at the house and we happen to get along famously (Second marriage here…knew what I was looking for by age 40…lol)!I know it’s not so for others who are by themselves or perhaps stuck in the house with someone not so pleasant or even threatening. Also for those who are struggling with homeschooling, working from home and trying to keep a sense of normalcy going in the household. Whatever your circumstances may be, I wish you all health and peace.
Great article. Will cruise on over to Abby’s place later to get the second half.
I teach nursing online, so that hasn’t been a big adjustment. I have enjoyed not having to go to campus, though. Personally, I am an introvert, so staying home hasn’t been bad, either. The one hobby that I have that I am missing is going to thrift stores. .
My emotional status has been iffy. My college-aged nephew had a near fatal medical emergency and my brother was not allowed in the hospital. He had trouble getting information, etc. It is not a good time to be sick with anything. My brother-in-law’s father is dying of Covid in a nursing home. One of my students just told me he tested positive for Covid-19. But I am very worried about my 90 year old mother. I am trying to be careful so that I am available to her. I travel 4 hours to see her every few weeks so that I can shop for her. The attitude of some leaders who say that people who die of Covid-19 were on their last legs scares me. These are difficult times for everyone, for various reasons. I am grateful for my job and my health, and I wish everyone had it as good as i do.
Hey Donna. I’m a respiratory therapist working in Michigan. Yeah it’s been pretty nuts around here. I work at a hospital just outside the Detroit area. We were just about maxed out. It was just as much due to the hospitals south of us shipping us their overflow as to patients coming in with Covid-19 symptoms. I’m not going to go into the horror stories. Plenty enough of those out there. But it’s pretty surreal seeing the protests going on juxtaposed with the realities happening in our hospital. Michigan held the number three spot in the country for covid cases until a couple of days ago. Now the cases are dropping. Just hope it’s a trend and not a blip. When I am not at work I’m quarantined. I’ve been lucky, I haven’t really been sick. Had a few days I was wondering but the symptoms cleared up. Still afraid I might be a carrier though, it’s been a couple of months since I’ve seen most of my family. However, I’d rather be safe than sorry. Thanks for your posts, Donna, been reading you a long time. You are a voice of sanity amidst the clamor of voices, articles, tweets, postings, etc. surrounding me in these crazy times. Thank you. I hope you and yours stay safe.
Thank You for all you are doing to help others!
I appreciate that, Lisa! 🙂
I found some real comfort at JustNoMIL back in the day when I had MIL troubles of my own. There was a lot of truth in some of those shenanigans and it was validating seeing other people calling it out as terrible.
AITA both makes my eyes bug out sometimes and just confirms my feelings about humankind other times.
This whole situation’s dizzying. While my day to day hasn’t changed TOO much, I didn’t go out much before, it has also changed 100%. It’s very weird.
Missing my normal life. I am still working so it is a 10 minute ride to work, work and a 10 minute ride home. My house is cleaner, eating more, talking on the portal a lot to my kids. Trying to catch up with friends that I usually don’t get to talk with much. Working in the yard too! Wish it was nicer so gardening could start.
Looking so forward to hugging my kids and going to church!
Be Well ~ Be Safe!
I’m an introvert – so already good at self entertaining with reading, puzzles and movies.
Working from home for the time being, so my commute has gone from 45-50 minutes, to 3 minutes 🙂 and saving money on gas, as only using the car to drive to the local park and walk daily.
My gym went to ZOOM workouts, which I do on my lunch hour in the living room.
I’ve only been around a few of my closest friends – to run or walk, or distance visit…we always stay an “alligators distance” apart.
My family does a weekly ZOOM meeting, we play trivia or other games – nice to see everyone, and something to look forward to!!
I stocked up pretty good on groceries prior to the shutdown, and friends have been nice enough to get me anything needed (milk or fruit) on their deliveries – so that helps!
Waiting for a puzzle delivery myself. Used gift cards that I got from Swagbucks, so it’s a frugal puzzle.
I have found my best ally during this quarantine has been my Fitbit. I have been trying really hard to keep my normal number of steps.
It helps that we have been taking on shelter dogs as fosters; we are on our second dog now and he is recovering from a surgery, and heartworm treatment. I was previously “employed” as a volunteer at the rescue society’s thrift store. We even donated for this guy’s heartworm treatment.
Keeping busy has been helping me keep my anxiety at bay. I’ve been working on long sidelined projects, and working at improving my cooking skills. I’m trying to recreate the recipes I’m missing at restaurants I can’t visit right now.
My husband, who works at home, has been pretty good company.
I’m glad you were able to take time to spend time with your daughter during this difficult time.
I was shoving popcorn in my mouth as I read this so ditto on the comfort junk food eating. My governor considers my job as a preschool teacher essential so that the real essential workers have a safe place for their children while they work. So I’m still working although my hours are reduced. I’m just grateful that I have that one less thing to worry about in what seems a world of worry and anxiety right now.
Love this! It is very relatable – my house needs a clean but all I’m doing is rewatching Marvel movies and eating junk. I keep saying to myself that I will be more motivated tomorrow. We all know how that goes!!
I do know how that goes. All these posts about how people are learning three new languages, creating podcasts, remodeling their homes via Pinterest and such make me want to lie down with a cold cloth on my eyes. I mean, good for them! But will someone pass the potato chips?
I am accustomed to being along since my husband passed away last year. I get groceries delivered and don’t have many other needs. My children have been very careful and warn me about doing anything risky. Unfortunately, this is so difficult if a tragedy occurs. My oldest son’s wife passed away suddenly at home; he’s a 4 hour drive from here and normally I would have been on the road to him immediately. My children nearby forbade it, and they have gone up there to help him for a few days. So of course, I worry about all of them being safe from the virus. Plus two of my children have had salary cuts-at least they have jobs but things are very precarious right now. Difficult times, but it’s good to get a laugh at the virus’s expense once in a while.
I’m so sorry for the dual losses. This is a difficult time for all, but especially when you’d love to be there but can’t be.
I hope no one is offended by this joke, but we do have to keep laughing in these times.
I was reading a column in the paper last week and the writer said he was now terrified of the Covid-15. The 15 pounds he was obviously gaining from all the boredom snacking. I have been laughing for a week.
Abby says some are calling that “the quarantine 15.”
Very, very hard to get through this. I live in NJ and had to stop watching the local news as it had NJ and NYC Covid death statistics and it was messing very badly with my head. My husband and I both have pre-existing conditions so I was happy when his office closed and he was able to work from home. We had the stampede on toilet paper and disinfecting wipes. Fortunately this frugal woman had enough in her stash that was bought on sale and with a coupon. My husband isn’t laughing any more. I also have a bidet that was purchased for a decent price on Amazon and hubby was able to install it. Couple of weeks of no meat scares but I’d rather have fish. The grocery bill is coming down now. Hubby does the grocery shopping and it was all spent on what meat he could find and overpriced eggs. Hubby is working from home so he set up an office in our finished basement but it’s not easy working under ground. Saving money on gas and car insurance. I’ve been home since the kids (26 & 28) were little so I’m used to being home. The 26 yr old goes out to work every day at her essential business – the liquor store. The 28 yr old lives in Singapore and is on stay at home orders til June 1st. While NJ and NYC may be the last to open up I won’t feel safe til the virus is contained or a vaccine is available. Hope everyone is keeping their chin up and masks on.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so much anxiety. Right there with you. (Although everyone experiences anxiety in her own special way.)
Former Jersey girl myself. (South Jersey.) I hope things are, if not getting better, at least not getting worse.
And my daughter has a massive TP stash, bought at rock-bottom (ahem) prices. Doesn’t stop me from picking up a package of the stuff any time we see it for sale.