Well, another 17 days have gone by without a post. This time I’m gonna play the C card.
A couple weeks ago I took the calculated risk of flying to Phoenix because isolation was not playing well with my daughter’s bipolar II and depression. Initially she rejected my offer to fly down if things got really tough. Her response was “thanks, but I’m okay” due to her fear that I might become infected.
To be honest, I was a little worried about that myself. After all, I’m in my early 60s and have asthma. But when you hear phrases like “suicidal ideation,” you get on the damn plane.
Was it ideal? No. Was it necessary? Yes. And it turns out that social distancing was a snap with fewer than two dozen passengers.
The decision was snap, too: When she called and said, “Yeah, I really do need you to come down,” I checked the Alaska Airlines website and discovered I could get a nonstop-to-Phoenix flight at 11:55 p.m. that very night. The hardest part was telling DF that I had to leave, and leave soon.
He’s got kids of his own, so he understood – and offered to do anything he could to help me get ready. Can’t help lovin’ that man.
Picking up and going
I had a ton of assignments to complete at that time, but once again I was grateful to be freelance. Didn’t need to ask for time off, or get someone to cover my shifts, or be nervous about the open-endedness of this trip. Just threw some stuff into a suitcase and left.
Due to a screamin’ tailwind, we arrived about 45 minutes early. Now that I finally have a smartphone, I was able to use Lyft to get to Abby’s home. Good thing, since the regular shuttle service no longer operates from Sky Harbor Airport; apparently ride-sharing services made it obsolete.
Thus when Abby came into her living room at 7 a.m. to start her workday, she glimpsed me sorting through my key ring, looking for the one that would get me through the front door. Given that I was supposed to have landed at 6:45 a.m., it was quite a surprise.
As it turns out, I’m glad I booked when I did: Alaska Airlines has canceled 70 percent of its April and May flights. Then again, I might not have had a problem finding a seat on the relatively few remaining flights because people are too scared to fly. Honestly can’t blame them.
Not a typical visit
The first couple of weeks have been harder than I thought they would be. Although my daughter’s home is comfortable, it’s not my home. I’m concerned about her health; her general mood has improved but like so many others (including me!) she is feeling anxious about the worldwide spread of the illness, the impact of the shutdown on our national and personal economies, and above all the uncertainty of the situation.
How many people will die? When will things go back to normal? If I go pick up my new prescription will I bring back the virus and make my mom sick?
Friends, the same dog bit me. I worry about family* and friends, those high unemployment numbers and COVID’s impact on people who already don’t have much of a safety net. I’m flashing back to the 2008 recession and fearing that this time it’ll turn into an actual depression.
And, of course, I miss my partner like oxygen. Sheltering in place wasn’t hard for us because we’re homebodies by nature and delight in each other’s company. Phone calls and e-mails just aren’t the same.
(No, I haven’t tried video calls but I think they might actually make things worse: Seeing him could make me start crying.)
Sheltering in place, work-wise
Taken together, all those things made work a serious challenge during the past two weeks. I felt as though I were walking through quicksand most days. Didn’t miss any deadlines, but I came close.
And for extra credit, three of those articles were about….COVID-19! I was reading all this glum stuff from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Department of Labor, and interviewing folks from the National Center for Disaster Preparedness and the American Red Cross. Some fun, huh?
My part-time contracting gig** continued throughout this and in fact has gotten busier than usual. I’ve been putting in anywhere from 25 to 33 hours a week on this in addition to the other deadlines. Normally, work helps me block out distressing news. Not this time, because in addition to the nerve-wracking virus stuff I’m starting to wonder how long before freelancers feel the blow.
Some already have, especially those who specialize in travel writing. I’ve heard rumblings about losses in other genres, though, and expect the rumblings will become downright thunderous before long. Luckily I can manage on relatively little work if it comes to that; being closer to retirement I have fewer needs and zero debt. That’s not the case for a lot of my FinCon colleagues.
So yeah, it’s been a slog thus far. Not the helping-my-daughter part! It’s the trying to rev myself up while wondering whether we’re headed toward a higher-tech 1929. So this may sound counterintuitive, but I have asked clients not to assign anything for the rest of the month.
Super-privileged of me, I know, to be able to turn work down while others can’t get enough. But my own depression is kicking in, and I need to clear my head.
In another couple of weeks the news might be better, both re the virus and the economy. I doubt it, but it could happen. And if it doesn’t? I don’t know what we’ll do. Also don’t know when I can go home. Taking a little time off now will position me to make smarter decisions later on.
*One of my cousins is waiting to hear if what she has is COVID-19.
**Keeping this one, because it’s fairly simple and because partial income will help me remain calm about the freelance cutback.
Donna – Sending healing wishes your way. And thank you for being such a caring Mom.
Awwww, thanks.
This is not going to get better soon! It will get worse.
Hang tough, momma. It may take some time, true, but eventually it will get better. <>
Thanks for your kind words. And yes, I know it will eventually get better.
I do wish it could have been a workable solution to get all three of you in a large enough place that everyone had their own space and yet also had company. But none of the options were going to be ideal, when are they ever?, and you needed to take the one where you could do the most good. I’m glad you were able to do so in time. ♥️
You’re right: Things are rarely ideal. But we make do with what we have. Hope that you, JB and PiC are coping.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
So glad you are able to be there for her! And I agree with you 100% about this turning into a depression. It is going to take years for the economy to recover.
Try the video calls, at least once. We’re doing online services for my house of worship. I’ve found that seeing the faces of people I care about, especially while we chat before and after services, is balm for the soul.
Try the video calls. It really helps, temporarily. If you cry, well, you cry! But it helps to see their faces. Then you can be sure they are alright.
Parenting is not for sissies and it doesn’t end when they are grown-up, as you well know. Hope your stay down South is shorter than we all expect.
Wishing you some peace, calm, and video time with loved ones.
You know, crying is okay.
Bless you for being a Great Mama. Mine is in quarantine at her place now, but we What’sApp frequently. My husband helps with my BiP, but depression comes barreling anyway.
Take walks and keep a routine.
Take care of each other. 💜
Donna, I agree with you…our kids come first. I’m glad that at least your flight was a good one and that Abby is improving. Does Abby have a yard or patio/deck where you can get some sunshine? Even in small doses, it improves my mood. Just a tip from a fellow anxiety/depression sufferer.
My daughter is the infection control nurse at an extended care/rehab facility. Although she lives in the next town, the only time I’ve seen her was from a safe distance in her yard. She’s worried sick about bringing home the virus to her kids and husband or bringing the virus into work to her patients. My heart is aching for her and all the front liners who most likely feel this way too.
You take care of yourself and Abby. Like you, I am blessed to have a good man in my life. We’ll get through this.
You are a GREAT Mom! This can feel so overwhelming for a lot of reasons. I semi-retired 3/1, but have been on-call dispensing legal advice (and some moral support) to health care clients who are on the front lines. My sister (a hospital nurse) had repeated exposures at work and got sick. Her test was negative, but based on her symptoms her physician feels that she probably has it. Thankfully, symptoms are mild to moderate. My son completed a 6 month full-time course to become a software developer-just as the bottom started dropping out of the economy. While looking for full-time work, he was doing Uber, and has now switched to Uber Eats (masked and gloved). I worry about him getting sick, and also worry about how long it will take him to land a job in his new field now that there are more experienced people losing their jobs.
Yikes. None of that sounds good. I’m so sorry.
Why didnt abby come to you? That might have helped both of you. You could be with your love in your house and she’d be with you
A handful of reasons:
She has a cat.
It’s easier to manage her home and her tenant from right here; for example, she just noticed a new “termite tunnel” and had to call the bug guy. If she’d had to be in Anchorage, the termites would have had a nice big head start.
Cold weather is hard on her physically due to nerve damage from the GBS (it’s still in the 30s during the day and as low as 5 to 10 degrees at night).
Our home is very small so she (and we!) would have zero privacy.
This isn’t ideal, but it was the way that (sort of) works for us.
Wishing all the best for you, your daughter and your cousin. Peace be with you!!!
Good to hear from you!
Thanks, ma’am.
Thank Goodness that you could fly to AZ to be with Abby! Also, it’s just good to hear from you. Y’all take care.
No matter how old they get….it is still nice to be there when they need “Mom”. We have been video chatting with the kids and I know when I see them, I will cry with that first hug. Both of the kids had birthdays during this shelter in place. My son lives in Florida which means I didn’t get my 6 month visit. My daughter lives 2 hrs away in the same state but I didn’t get the mother/daughter get away day that we were planning.
We must keep the faith….This Too Shall Pass!
Peace, Love & Happiness
God Bless you and your fami!y. To echo an earlier commenter, sunshine may be therapeutic. I’ve been counting my blessings lately to try to not be glum. Wa!king my dog requires that I get outside whether I feel like it or not, she’s one of the blessings at the top of my list.
Abby is blessed to have you as a mother. We all will get through this.
Fortunately Arizona has a lot of sunshine and she also lives next door to a park with a paved trail. We’ve been taking walks.
Glad to hear from you, and that you are able to be there for Abby. This is a rough time, but I have to maintain my faith that somehow, we’ll all make it through. Sending my best thoughts for all three of you.
Hang in there!
I’m sure we’ll make it through. But as with any recession/depression, it will have a huge impact on people’s long-term finances and lives. Having flashbacks to 2008, here — and hoping I don’t start reading comparisons to 1929.
This is such a scary time when we don’t know what is coming and how long it will last And what the future means for work and income. Your vigilance in being debt free places you in a good position. But going to see your daughter was not an option! I know you (and she) are happy you went. They are never too old for Mom. Thank you for writing and keeping in touch.
Sending healing thoughts and prayers your and Abby’s way! Thanks for writing and updating us.
Oh, dear. I do hope Abby is feeling better by now. Troubling times in which to feel troubled! Stay well, all of you!
She’s doing as well as she can under the circumstances. Hope that you and yours are, too.
Hope Abby feels better soon. As a psychologist with lots of mental health experience (and an avid reader of your blog&Abbys)I highly recommend schema therapy & John Bradshaws book ‘Homecoming’. Take care.