Six pics of Talkeetna.

For the first time in three years, Linda B. and I are attending the Talkeetna Bachelors Auction and Wilderness Woman Competition. The drive up was smooth sailing, with hardly anyone else on the road. It was also gorgeous, once the fog burned off – especially the eye-popping vistas of Mt. Hunter, Mt. Foraker and Denali (see below).

It’s 13 degrees below zero right now, but that’s all right because we’re indoors. If anything, it’s a little too warm in our hotel room. Pretty sure I won’t be needing the blanket and comforter tonight, or maybe even the top sheet.

Thus far we’ve viewed the annual parade (made up mostly of emergency vehicles, plus a flatbed truck with some shivering bachelors), eaten not wisely but too well, and chatted up some of the old-school auction folks. One of them pointed out that this is the 40^th annual event, out of 41 years (the pandemic nixed large indoor gatherings last year).

The Wilderness Woman Competition is a large outdoor gathering; it takes place tomorrow. The Talkeetna Bachelor Auction will be indoors, but tickets were limited. They sold out in six minutes flat. Fortunately, Linda B. was ready to pounce the moment they went on sale.

Right now I’m having trouble staying awake (warm room, good meal, fun snacks) but I did want to put up a few photos that prove we’re here.  

Long before we saw Talkeetna…

…we saw Denali (the mountain formerly known as Mt. McKinley), the highest peak in North America. And we saw it the way that relatively few tourists (or residents) get to see it: loud, proud and wreathed in Fred Machetanz blues.

Appropriate, since Talkeetna is the jumping-off place for people who want to climb that mountain. Hope the mountain’s out tomorrow, too.

Talkeetna bar etiquette

When we walked into the Latitude 62 hotel/bar/restaurant, we saw this sign:

Since neither of us is packing, we ignored the placard. Wonder how many people really check in their sidearms, though?

And yes, the hotel is made of logs. #AuthenticAlaska

Talkeetna holi-décor

Nothing says “festive” like some tinselly garland draped over the moose rack in the entryway.

Keeping litter in its place

Once we’d checked in, Linda B. pulled the car around to the back entrance. She specifically chose Room 10 as being farthest from the bar. The usual Friday- and Saturday-night noise might not be as big a problem this year, however: The Latitude, like so many other places nationwide, is having trouble finding staff and has been closing earlier than usual.

Here’s a picture of the trashcan that’s right outside the back entrance.

Funny-looking, isn’t it? That’s because it’s a bear-proof trashcan. #AlsoAuthenticAlaska

Oooohhhhh, SICK

Take a look at the ivory-colored tap handle in the Latitude’s bar.

That’s a replica of an oosik. To quote Anchorage impresario Mr. Whitekeys, it’s a bone from a walrus. It’s big and it’s hard, and it’s not a tusk. And it’s found only on a male walrus, and it’s always big, and it’s always hard.

Yep: It’s a walrus penis bone. 

Speaking of hard cases…

Here’s the front cover of the 2021 Talkeetna Bachelor Society’s Male Order Catalog.

As for the “Just how big is his package?” headline, it has nothing to do with oosiks. Instead, it refers to the number of lagniappes you get with your winning bid(s). Most Talkeetna men aren’t trading solely on their looks; they also bring extras like wine, snowmachine or dogsled tours, handmade jewelry, Denali flight-sees or romantic, home-cooked dinners.

But on the subject of oosiks: Tomorrow we plan to have lunch at Mountain High Pizza Pie, home of a uniquely local dish: pizza crust flavored with dill and topped with smoked salmon. Yep, it’s called salmon dill dough pizza. Because of course it is.