Today I found a series of tweets about Stormy Daniels from Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, an author and speaker. Rabbi Ruttenberg put into words the irritation I’ve been feeling lately about the furor surrounding Daniels and the U.S. president.
Short form: What Daniels does for a living isn’t the issue here. Stop making it about her, and stop thinking that her job choice makes her testimony somehow less true.
But the rabbi says it so. much. better. than I did, so I’m reproducing her thoughts here.
Note that she’s calling out those on the Left as well as on the Right.
I want to say a thing about the slut-shaming language I’ve seen around Stormy Daniels. A few words about why what she does for a living doesn’t matter in this story, and then a few more on when it does.
Yes, I’m really a rabbi.
Stormy Daniels is a human person with whom the President of the United States evidently had an affair, and then paid off, and also (if I understand correctly) intimidated and threatened.
Our focus should be on his actions. His breach in his marriage (I’ll note below why that matters), his attempt to buy her silence, why he’s so invested in that silence, where the money came from and how it got transferred, and very much about these possible threats.
How she has chosen to earn money in order to pay for her groceries and whatever else (provide for sick family? set aside money for someone’s college? pay for decadent spa days? I don’t know, not my business) is irrelevant. She is news only because of what he did or didn’t do.
And this matters only because he is the President of the United States and there are some probably illegal matters here (and immoral, relevant only downthread). Again, the person we should be pointing at is Trump. Her rent source means nothing to this.
She is engaged in activities that are legal. He might not be. She is a regular citizen. He is in a position of immense power. It doesn’t matter if she shucks oysters or flips burgers or makes a certain kind of legal movie, from this vantage.
Her work is salacious. Lots of people (myself included) have opinions on that work and industry. But when lefty folks smugly say, “Trump is the first sitting President to be sued by a PORN STAR,” they imply that she’s depraved, bad, immoral, low. The punchline is her job.
But you guys, she didn’t do anything wrong! OK, having an affair with a married man isn’t great, but I don’t see Aubrey O’Day getting the same treatment–because, again, the person of interest really is the person who was a) married and in covenant and b) has power now.
Now, why any of this matters is just the hypocrisy of the GOP. These are the people who have spent MANY DECADES priding themselves on being “the family values” party – the one that is about purity and absolutism and controlling women and condemning women they can’t control.
So to have one of their own commit adultery with women of a category that they super-duper-extra want to condemn as [insert all the words here] and it’s like *crickets*crickets*crickets* only brings their hypocrisy (examples abundant natch) into even sharper relief.
Again, even through a religious lens the sin here is on him – he was married, he cheated, etc. – but I know they like to warp things and her line of work is only relevant insofar as it underscores their gleeful complicity when the things they have so long espoused are blowing up.
Again, that’s why the adultery thing matters. Not because it impacts his ability to serve as head of state, but because it gives the GOP yet another great opportunity to show off their exquisite hypocrisy in their unblinking support of him. The moral majority? The party of God?
But wait! you might be saying. You’re a rabbi! Don’t you care about the Ten Commandments?! Don’t you think morality matters?
I mean, yes, but so does the separation of church and state.
I need a leader who will enact democracy and protect its citizens. What happens in their personal life is, if they’re able to do that, their own jam. Be religious, be secular, be a quirky eclectic spiritual mix, you do you.
It would be good if my President were a nice person, but that’s not the job. It matters insofar as they’re head of state and a symbolic figurehead, OK. But we get into sketchy water when we each start putting up different private-life litmus tests for people in public service.
Whose test? Who gets to decide? If someone is my congregant, I have a lot to say. But if the President is a practicing Buddhist, do I get to get mad if they cross the 10 Commandments? I want them to live up to their professed standards, tho, that’s my beef with the GOP.
Anyway, tl;dr – enough with the slut-shaming. Enough with the madonna/whore categories we put women in. Enough with talking about real live human women as though they’re objects or snickering about them because of the choices that they’ve made.
Stormy Daniels is a person made in the image of God, just like you and me. Talk about her with respect.
Hooray! and Halleluia!! Somebody else was able to cut through all of the B.S. and get to the heart of the matter. Whichever side of the aisle you sit on, this president is not acting in a moral, honorable manner (In my honest opinion, never has)and I cannot understand why the GOP is still supporting him so staunchly. I know the obvious answer is Politics, but there has to be a line somewhere that cannot be crossed. Where is it?
You won’t find that line any more!
I support President for the work that he is doing as President of the USA. I really don’t care about his sex life now or 10 years ago. He is not the only person with skeletons in the closet but his are throwing out LOUDER than any ones!
I thought I was visiting a frugal living website.
I don’t write entirely about frugal living. Haven’t for a while now.
I really like this – such a thoughtful point of view. I abhor slut-shaming in any form. Thanks for posting.
Thank you, for reading and for leaving a comment.
Maybe it’s wrong, but I’ve quit paying attention to politics in this great country of ours. Politicians from both parties are a joke. Trump was elected because Americans were tired of the status quo. And now look at what we’ve got. I don’t like Hillary Clinton, and I don’t like Trump. God-or someone, if you don’t believe in God-help us all.
The trouble is that if we stop paying attention then the rascals really have a field day. Who’s going to care enough to protest?
But I do understand the impulse.
Protests are effective in showing that the participants are upset about something. Do they create lasting change? I don’t know. The process is cheapened when violence, property destruction, and hateful signs (‘Rape Melania’ comes to mind during the protests after Trump was elected).
The process is cheapened when violence, property destruction, and hateful signs are utilized. I forgot to finish the sentence.
I’m late to this, but the “Rape Melania” sign was held and publicized by a pro-Donald troll, Jack Posobiec.
He wrote about doing that so as to make the anti-Donald crown look like monsters. He was PROUD of his accomplishment. If you have some time, and a strong stomach, Google Jack Posobiec’s other antics. He’s monstrous.
The same man who gave us Pizzagate. Sheesh.
http://www.newsweek.com/trump-retweets-alt-right-man-who-took-rape-melania-sign-rally-781108
I don’t think this was balanced at all! The Rabbi assumes as fact this tryst did indeed happen. It hasn’t been proven. There are a lot of people looking for a quick buck.
At the time this allegedly happened, Mr. Trump was not President.
People do change in six years.
It was her opinion, not a news story.
Sue, you are correct. People do change. However, previous behavior predicts current behavior. And Trump’s behavior is and has been the same for a long time. He cheated on his first wife with his second and a few other dalliances, all proven. He cheated on his second wife with his third. This is not new behavior for him and nothing indicates that he has changed or even shows a desire to. However, that is not the point of this article. The point is, whatever Stormy Daniel’s job, she still deserves to be treated like a human being.
What does this mean: tl;dr ?
I googled it – too long, didn’t read. Doesn’t seem to apply in the article unless the rabbi meant the opinion piece was getting too long.
Thanks for the explanation.
It stands for “too long, didn’t read” — a somewhat tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that some people want everything reduced to a sound bite.
Thanks for the explanation.
THANK YOU for posting this. When I read this I thought “Uh oh, Donna’s going to get some comments on this!” Logic and reason are not respected qualities in today’s political milieu.
As a Canadian I suppose I need to recuse myself a bit – although the daily news from Washington tends to leave my head spinning!
And while I agree in general with what the Rabbi has to say – I do have one issue with Ms. Daniels and other women who have come forward long after the fact – whether it’s Trump or regarding some other man in a position of power.
They did the deed – knowing they were with a married man so I do feel that they have to accept some complicity in the matter and the fact that they also helped to deceive a fellow female – so don’t get so high & mighty after the fact.
She accepted money for her silence and I’m sure some other perks were forthcoming for her favours, whether a job, money, trips, or jewelry etc. While the other perks are between the two individuals, both offering and accepting money for silence is something else. He should not have paid it – but if she accepted it then that was her choice – she doesn’t get to take the moral high ground years later. Let’s not be naive – even if she gives back the original sum she will make far more now for her “story” and she knows it.
While I abhor his treatment of women, his lack of morals in many areas of life, and his politics in general I cannot excuse her. Not because she makes her living as a Porn Star but rather because she is being two-faced about the whole thing.
Yes, he deserves to be investigated and people should be looking at him and his party and closely questioning them on he “family values” platform in relation to incidents such as this – but let’s not treat her like a victim. I don’t think anyone comes out of this looking good.
Just my two cents worth.
I don’t know about the rabbi, but I don’t consider her a victim. I simply want the porn-star tarring to stop.
“Adult film actress” wouldn’t be my first choice of a job, or even my 100th choice. But it is not illegal, and her occupation does not mean she should not be believed.
Underneath some of the snickering is, I think, is a suggestion of, “Well, what do you expect? No red-blooded American man could resist a woman who takes off her clothes for a living. She’s the one at fault here, for being some kind of wicked temptress.”
Whatever Trump did with her or any of the other accusers, it was his decision to do so. Are some women attracted to powerful men? Yes. But ultimately the men have the option of saying “no thanks.”
You are of course right – her occupation should have nothing to do with the real story and I don’t condemn her for that – we all have to pay the bills somehow and as you say, it’s perfectly legal.
And a man certainly has to accept responsibility for his own actions – no argument.
But I can’t help but feel that she is playing to the press – and is very aware of how much publicity this is generating. Again, nothing illegal – I guess I just feel that it’s all so tawdry and doesn’t speak well of either of the participants.
People used to feel some shame if caught acting like these two (and I do mean both of them) – now it’s a means to magazine covers and TV interviews and let’s not be naive – she’s not doing it out of concern for the American people – this is to give her that 15 minutes of fame and some extra money. I just find it all distasteful.
She knows exactly what she is doing! She is making the almighty $ using what she knows best…her body/mouth! I wonder if she will go after any of the other thousand “affairs” she has had?
I think you and the Rabbi are overlooking something here that’s rather important: whatever else you can say about Miss Daniels, she was a willing and knowledgeable participant in the affair, and that begins to matter when you remember who Donald Trump’s opponent was in the 2016 election: Hillary Clinton.
Now, before she was the nominee, before she was the Secretary of State, before she was a Senator, she was among other things in charge of quieting, intimidating, threatening (maybe?), all of the women who claimed to have had sexual contact with not only a man who makes the sleazy Donald Trump look a little bit like a choirboy in comparison, but also the first credibly accused serial rapist in presidential history, and finally a man who, thanks to a straight party line vote in the Senate,…
got clean away with it.
I think this had more of an influence than has been noticed. It certainly had to affect Clinton friend and credibly accused serial rapist Harvey Weinstein, not to become a serial rapist, he already was that, but it had to encourage him to, uh, continue what he was doing, and credibly accused serial rapist Bill Cosby as well. In fact it had to encourage a whole bunch of newsworthy male sleazeballs, mostly Democrats, but some Republicans, until the secret finally began to blow last year.
More in particular it had to change the minds of “hypocritical”, “family values” Republican voters, else someone like Donald Trump could never have gotten the nomination in the first place, and while these family values hypocrites are still a little bit squeamish about serial (statutory) rape accusations, as the failure of Judge Roy Moore’s election attempt suggests, they are probably a lot more willing to forgive Republican politicians who have affairs, and Democrat attempts to condemn Donald Trump while having (at the time at least) defended Bill Clinton…
might not work.
Thomas E. Phillips, Jr,
I doubt very seriously if his actions encouraged any male. It may have them sigh in relief at what they were already doing. The fact remains that the latest person to be accused is the President of the United States, and he, like all the others is denying it. I voted for Clinton, but in the end not only was he a liar, he was a jerk.
Uh, you are kind of missing the point; Clinton wasn’t just a liar, a jerk, and an adulterer,…
he was a serial rapist.
This, I think gets to why Democratic accusations of adultery against Donald Trump and other Republicans are surprising them by having less and less influence, even when they turn out to be absolutely true…
because those same accusers have defended (and many still defend) absolute monsters that make Donald Trump look like a choir boy.
It is tough to condemn people who stumble into the gutter,…
when you are standing at the bottom of the sewer.
Finally someone with tremendous common sense. I too, agree that it is about the president’s actions. I would like to more go done for the country and less everything else. Kudos to you Donna for forwarding the Rabbi’s comments.
Right. Yes. Exactly.
Whatever shameful part of this exists: it’s ALL ON TRUMP.
Is she in the sex business? Sure. Does she know many of her customers are married men? Sure. There’s a reason it’s called “the oldest profession”: married men’s peccadilloes have been going on since the first married man got himself hitched.
To pretend to be abhorred because she’s a hussy is simply to ignore Trump’s exploitation of her…and of his wife.
Mr. Trump is not an eight-year-old boy (not physically, anyway — intellectually and morally may be other matters). He knows what is involved in and what is implied, socially, by hiring a prostitute. And in those transactions, the customer is generally the one who steps forward and initiates the transaction. Given the number of such transactions we have heard about involving Mr. Trump, it is safe to guess she did not pounce him at the back of a cocktail lounge and force him to hire her.
Wow, is about how I can sum this up. First of all, I am wondering why a religious leader, in this case a rabbi, would even feel the need to weigh in on this gossipy “he said, she said” situation. Everyone acknowledges it chapped before he was President, the parties worked thru arbitration on the matter, and BOTH came to an agreement which included a confidentiality clause & payment! She is an adult woman who was not forced into anything. I do not see the Rabbi as being neutral, infact she clearly states, “The sin is on him” … really, how does she know this if he has denied the affair & there is a confidentiality agreement in force. Rabbi is simply believing what she is reading. And really, I am to believe Ms. Daniels has NO SIN regarding the matter … Wow, way to sit in judgement conveniently on Me. Daniels side Rabbi. Believe it or not, President Trump is a human being too, just as his wife, children & grandchildren are. It is wrong for any of us to judge Me. Daniels character & call her names – she deserves respect like any human being. BUT why do we and the Rabbi stop there with just her??? There are other human beings involved here too, ie Trump and his family. Trump did not and is not keeping this in the news. Ms. Daniels and the Dems are doing this to ruin his name and distract him from his job as OUR President. The matter between them was LEGALLY settled. Neither Trump or Ms. Daniels look like they were physically or mentally harmMe. Geez, why am I even responding to this … I guess because It is the most ridiculous time wasted article from a blog and writer I respected and will continue to respect. I’m just in shock on the one sidedness of the article … no where does the Rabbi state this is only her opinion! But this paragraph IS MY OPINION. Thanks for letting me rant!!
And the stuff the rabbi wrote is her opinion.
We are not judging Mr.Trump on his morality (which does not exist); we are judging him on how his actions reflect on and influence this country. He is quick to cry “fake news” when a TRUE story does not suit him. He has lied and been caught in lies innumerable times since his election. Thank you, Donna, for posting the Rabbi’s opinion. That’s one of the great things about America; free speech exists … for now.
Agreed. And thanks.
I agree with a previous commenter that this is supposed to be a personal finance blog.
I disagree with Donna and the rabbi. Morals and ethics matter! There is absolute right and wrong, and there is objective truth and its opposite, and there is a difference between good and evil. Anyone who is a prostitute or transacts with a prostitute is morally in the wrong. Anyone who is in the “sex industry” is immoral and unethical. Anyone who buys what the sex industry produces is also immoral and unethical. Separate the behavior, however, from the person. The person can redeem themself by contrition and changing their behavior.
It is not “supposed” to be a personal finance blog. I do write a lot about money, but that’s never been the sole focus.
You’re entitled to your opinion on absolute right and wrong. The older I get, the more I realize that life isn’t about absolutes.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
Just want to point out: Stormy Daniels is not a prostitute. He did not transact with her for sex.
Yes, that appears to be true (at least in this transaction). My bad, in my comment above.
On the other hand, clearly she engaged with him because she sensed there was something to be gained. Love at first sight, it was not.
My point stands, though: pecuniary interest or no pecuniary interest, the moral evil here IS all on Trump. He was the married man, he was the one who had a partner waiting for him at “home” (whatever that means in the Trump ménage), he was the public figure who (to some weak minds) represents a kind of role model.
Unkindly enough, I hope she nails his hide to the wall…
Thanks for the article, Donna.
Right on, Donna! It’s your eclectic mix of commentary,news insights and PF that keeps me reading. Your blog, you do you.
This article is all about finances and what lengths people will go for the almighty $!
I voted for President Trump in 2016 and will do again in 2020! He has shaken our government to its core and has been treated like he is a monster. I see this story with Stormy Daniels as a low blow to prove he doesn’t have any morals or values. I see this story as proving to the world that when he stated he could have any women and grab them by their pu@@y that he wasn’t lying! What people do for the almighty $ is absolutely crazy! Stormy Daniels is a poor excuse for a living human. She is a whore, she cannot keep her mouth shut even when she has been paid to do. I will not judge her but I certainly will not feel sorry for her. She knew exactly what she was doing and is doing. It is the almighty $$$$$$$$$ that is on her mind and puts her on her back with anything that will look at her.
My compassion will go towards our FLOTUS and the pain that she may feel at this time. May she continue to show the grace and humility that makes her a women to be reckoned with!
Lisa O,
I find it very amusing that you state you will not judge Ms Daniels yet your whole comment is to judge her and shame her. Just because you do not agree with her chosen legal profession does not mean you should treat her so poorly…” a poor excuse for a living human” . I disagree with you completely regarding POTUS. He was a married man who chose to have sexual relations with a woman not his wife. That is none of my business. It becomes my business when he accepted campaign funds from his attorney to shut up said woman and threaten her. He is a man with much power and the office of the United States President should not be used in that manner. As for Flotus, she is the one with the financial interest in this story.
Donna, Please keep up the great work with this blog. I love it.
Ms. Daniels is the prime reason why #METOO & abuse happen to all women. She knows exactly what she was doing…she was there willing/able/ready to participate. She has no cares in the world about family, faith or who she hurts. She is after the almighty $ and she made good money then and will make even better money now. While I don’t think our President made a good judgement 10 plus years ago….I firmly believe no man is going to say no!
“No man is going to say no” is yet another stereotype, that of the red-blooded he-man who takes what he can grab. Men who decide that they are not going to stray can, in fact, say “no.”
As for Daniels being the reason that #METOO and abuse happen to all women — what exactly do you mean? That because some women will have sex with married men, other men in the world feel free to abuse their wives and girlfriends, or even women they don’t know? Seriously: Please explain.
Daniels life style makes it so women are looked at as pleasure objects. They make men think that they are theirs for the taking. That situation will make red blooded he-man grab what he can. If that is what a man does, that will become his life…#METOO and abusive. I would like to think that women are a bit better than a pleasure object and that is truly why I do not feel sorry for Daniels because she chose the life she lived. I truly believe that it takes two to tango and both are wrong 10 years ago. There is no victim here, no crime just a dirty story about sex, lies and skeletons!
It’s a little late to get into the entire history of the patriarchy; suffice it to say there’s a long, long history of women being belittled, objectified and abused before porn films made their appearance.
I agree that we are not to be viewed solely as objects of pleasure. Unfortunately we tend to be viewed as objects, period. We’re either good or bad, worthy or unworthy. As novelist Isaac Bashevis Singer noted, if men had their way every woman would lie down a whore and get up a virgin.
Whether or not crimes have been committed has yet to be established. Among other things, campaign donation issues may be attached to the hush money. Time will tell. The idea of a cover-up does concern me but again, time will tell.
Daniels chose the life she is living. Her profession is legal. I don’t believe she’s a victim. I do believe she’s a human being who deserves the same basic courtesy as anyone else.
I also find it funny that out of the thousand men she has had an “affair” with she is only talking about our President. The one with the most money and power! Her financial future for years to come……
Lisa O,
Of course you are entitled to your opinion. I just completely disagree. Stormy Daniels is in control of her life. She has made it very clear that she is not a victim and she has made her own choices. I would say that your attitude about her and women in general are what causes other women problems. You are blaming women for what men do. There are so many decent honest and caring men out there. They do not agree with the he-men. Yet women like you do agree with the he-men, the Donald Trumps of this world. I believe Stormy Daniels. She may be in it for the money. Why shouldn’t she be? But I think Trump pushed her when threatening her and her child. You miss the entire point of Men in power using that power and influence to silence and abuse.
I find this entire topic extremely interesting. It is nice that Donna brought it up and is allowing civil discourse. There is so little of that in society today. We can agree to disagree without hate, rancor and name calling. In the process maybe coming to a consensus.
Absolutely agree to disagree with respect! I just believe that people should take responsibility for their actions. I believe that women need to raise our standards to not allow this type of actions to be the normal.
Thanks, Katherine. I appreciate it.