The other day I just did not feel like cooking, and none of the leftovers appealed to me.
So I chose my fallback: oatmeal. Then I realized that we had an entire gallon of milk – enough to cook farina and still make a batch of yogurt.
“Ooohhhh, no, not oatmeal. I’ll have Cream of Wheat,” I said eagerly.
Wonder whether anyone has ever said that exact sentence with that level of happiness? Probably not.
(It sure made my partner giggle, though.)
That phrase was just one more example of #ThingsOldPeopleDo. Yep, that’s an actual Twitter hashtag. And yep, I eat hot cereal for dinner sometimes, even if I also had it for breakfast.
But that’s not the only #oldpeoplething that I do. Here are a few other examples.
I have a favorite spatula.
And there might just be additional ones that tied for first place.
I carry change in a little plastic bag.
That is, when I’m traveling with a front pack instead of a wallet. Looks suuuuper classy when I start poking around for exact change.
I pay with exact change.
According to Twitter, that’s an old people thing – maybe it’s because most young people use plastic now?
I excel at comfy clothes.
Apparently some #oldpeople who work outside the home change into their sweatpants, robes and slippers as soon as they get home from work. As a freelancer, I wear such things all. day. long. In fact, I refer to the combo as the freelancer’s three-piece suit.
I graze.
Sometimes even heating up the leftover beef stew seems tiresome. So I’ll nibble on cheese and crackers, or a bowl of yogurt, or a bunch of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes from the backyard garden.
Or the hot cereal noted above, with the aforementioned sense of glee that I have extra milk in the house.
I use phrases like “in the house.”
Sweetheart, do we have any eggs/lemon juice/live ammunition in the house?
I also use phrases like “let’s open the windows and get some air moving in here,” “this place looks like a cyclone struck it” and “if it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.” (Thanks go to my mom for those.)
I will talk to anybody, anywhere, any time.
This one, though, I blame on my career. After making a living as a writer for 35 years, I can talk to just about anybody, anywhere, anytime. Not just because I’m a good interviewer, but because people tend to tell me stuff. (Sometimes, after telling me, they turn pale and say, “That’s not going into the article, is it?!?”)
At times I earn bonus old-people points by getting extra help or even some kind of discount. Recently at a museum I noticed the senior discount applied to ages 65 and up. So I stepped cheerfully to the counter, credit card in hand and said, “Dang, I missed your old folks’ discount by a few years, I guess.”
The young man at the register laughed and said, “Let me see your card. Oh, it says ‘Citi’ on it. Is that like ‘City University,’ by any chance?”
Yes, I replied: “I’m a student of life at City University.”
The sweet young’un gave me the $5 student discount. Sometimes it quite literally pays to chat.
Readers: What #oldpeoplethings do you do – even if you’re not old yet?
Related reading:
A few more:
1. Use coupons and express frustration when they don’t go through (polite frustration ,hopefully).
2. Sing along in the car with 60’s, 70’s and 80’s tunes. However, I can’t bring myself to sing Inagaddadadavida.
3. Wear panty-hose with a dress or s skirt. Or wear a dress or a skirt at all.
Funny, just the other day I was thinking, “How long has it been since I wore pantyhose?” Fifteen years? Seventeen years?
And I no longer own either a dress or a skirt. Wow.
LOL, Yes to all. I guess I’m old. 🙂
P.S. Sorry I missed you at FinCon. I ended up not going. :(. Maybe next time! I will be in Alaska in May (on a cruise), I’ll wave?
If your cruise lands you in Anchorage, event briefly (i.e., on the way to the airport), let me know — maybe we can meet up.
Oh, I’ve already had breakfast and now I want Cream of Wheat! And I always use exact change if possible.
Oh. Cream of Wheat sounds good. So does anything with wheat. Sadly Gluten Intolerant. As far as “Old stuff”, I think it boils down to no longer caring much what other people think.
This! This this this. The older I get, the fewer effs I have to give. It’s incredibly freeing.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
Not a fan of Cream of Wheat, but I believe there are gluten free options available. I know one is Cream of Rice (same makers).
At the ripe young age of 36 I also change into comfy clothes when I get home but I work with children so I spend most of my day on my feet. I also use exact change if I have it. I’ve also started saying when I was your age (which makes me cringe.)
My husband and I are both old, but he still tries to hide when I pay for things with change. Which I, too, keep in a baggie. Another old lady thing I do: keep things in my bra and have no shame about digging them out in public.
My Mother also used the phrase “This place looks like a cyclone hit it” or at other times when she was perhaps in a more literary mood “This place looks like the Wreck of the Hesperus”. I didn’t know what either one was when I was very little but figured out she meant the house was trashed!
As for myself, here I go:
I (usually) drive the speed limit. This comes from the combined fears of getting and having to pay for a speeding ticket, saving on gas and admittedly so I don’t go careening off the highway.
I also often use exact change when paying in part to get the weight of it out of my pocketbook. Oh yeah, that’s another thing…I still say pocketbook instead of purse or bag.
I find myself being less concerned with fashion than I ever was. In fact the interest has been ebbing away since about age 25.
I still find myself planning what to make for a large Sunday Dinner though it’s been years since I’ve had a houseful of people who will actually eat it. My Mother and my Grandmother always had large Sunday dinners so I think the idea took hold and never quite left. Is this an old people thing? Sundays seem to be a day to not leave the house for many younger people I know. In my day it was church and family. I’m not complaining, just wondering.
I still put cloth tablecloths on my kitchen table all year.
I call the device a “clicker” instead of a remote.
My dentist became a VIP in my life.
Instead of looking at bald patches on the backs of ladies’ heads in church, I sit and wonder if mine is showing.
I have concluded that I will never buy another set of dishes or a sofa.
But this is the corker: I used to giggle at little old ladies that would bundle up in the winter and hang onto each other for dear life. Well, last winter it took my oldest friend and me 5 minutes to get out of the car having had to put on hats, gloves, scarves, and importantly buttoning/zipping our coats. We held onto the car for dear life as we tested our footing, found it slippery, and proceeded to clutch each other as we wobbled across the parking lot. Hmmmm. I wonder if any youngsters giggled at us.
Wait…”clicker” isn’t the right name for that????
I have a pair of YakTrax grippers to attach to my shoes when it’s icy. Trouble is, sometimes these fly off — and if I’m outdoors, with nothing to hold on to or lean against, it’s devilish hard to put one back on.
Recently heard that a local shoe store will stud your footwear for a small amount of money — and that it might even be free to seniors. Definitely going to look into that. My niece swears by her “Icebug” studded shoes, but having an old-but-still-usable pair of shoes studded is much more affordable.
https://amzn.to/2IwOI3j
Cream of Wheat made with milk instead of water is the BEST. I don’t think there is a lot of nutrition in it, but the taste is great and is just a bowl of comfort. I envy your gift of talking to anyone. I am a teacher and can talk to a crowd all day long, but put me in a one-on-one situation and I get very awkward. I don’t have my change in a bag, but love to pay with exact change. For some reason, it makes me feel very frugal. Love your writing!
Thanks for your kind words.
According to the Cream of Wheat box, one serving has 50 percent of the daily requirement of iron. That did surprise me, I have to say.
It is true about the iron. Forgot about that. And then there is the milk that adds some nutrition as well. No matter, it is still good.
All of the above, and I haven’t worn pantyhose, dresses or skirts in years, either. Some of the other “old folks” things I’ve noticed in myself:
–save all errands until I absolutely, positively have to leave the house
–make as few trips upstairs as possible, always taking something that needs to go up (or down) with me
–though our summers are hot, I’ll take a close parking space over shade ANY time
–grousing about the price of things, along the lines of, “Geeze! I remember when you could get this for___!”
–only wearing “sensible shoes”, always
–reading paper-printed books and keeping a bag of those read near my purse, to exchange at the used books store when running errands (see above)
–planning a schedule (trips, family gatherings, etc.) around doctor visits
I’m definitely in the “old” category. I don’t care what others think, especially about fashion. The last time I wore a dress was at my son’s wedding three years ago. Heels and hose are a thing of the past!!
What do people wear instead of panty hose?
I have never been able to find tights in my size and my legs are whiter than milk?
I haven’t worn pantyhose for that long because I haven’t worn a dress or skirt in that long. Not sure why other people have given them up.
Bare legs. Long skirts. Maayyybe leggings.
I love skirts but hose, nope, nope, never happening again as long as I live.
Ever since I hit 50, I’ve been asking for a senior discount:)
I also like to pay with exact change.
I love to do jigsaw puzzles at home.
I cut articles out the actual newspaper to give to people that I think will have an interest.
I change immediately into my “lounging attire” when I get home from work/gym (after a shower!)
I save change in a bank on my dresser.
I wear house slippers!
Cream of Wheat brings me right back to Jersey winters when I was a little girl, my Mother always made it for us (we never had oatmeal)!! She served it with butter and sugar, and the lumps were my favorite part! Its VERY high in iron, and was recommended to me by my hematologist when I was having low iron issues. I always have it in my pantry, and, like you – eat whatever the mood calls for at any meal!
I am retired now (1 month and 4 days) and do a lot of the old people things mentioned. I pay exact change when I can. I change into comfy clothes as soon as I get home. I have been known to wear a “house dress” when at home. I was able to find some that don’t look too house-dressy, but I know what I am wearing and why. Sigh. I got a kick out of the mention of a favorite spatula. I used to have a very favorite one, but it disintegrated and became unusable.
I always ask for a senior discount!
House dresses for adults are like play clothes for kids.
Congratulations again on your retirement.
A few years ago got miffed at a grocery clerk for asking if I wanted the senior discount. “Oh, no. I’m not that old!” Now I know when the senior perks kick in at every place in town.
I have no trouble anymore saying “no thanks ” to activities that don’t interest me. I’m not doing stuff that I don’t want to, just because someone else wants me to. Used to be very hard to decline. Now, time is too precious.
I have one purse. I never change it to match my outfit or the occasion. I know where everything in it is, and that’s that. I guess it’s another thing I’m not willing to put time into.
Finally, maybe weirdly, most sweets are too sweet for me now. You’d think I could lose weight on account of this!
I love the picture of that little squeeze change purse. Those were big in the fifties when I was a kid.
My old person thing is sometimes when I go to a restaurant I just order a giant dessert for lunch. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s heaven.
I like your style.
Oh Anne, I do the same thing at my friend’s Indie bookstore which has a little café in it. I’ll order a Bear Claw or a giant cookie and think: This is lunch. Works for me.
I caught myself saying “the music is too loud” the other day.
What?!
That’s something my mother or grandmother would say.
I’ve been to more rock concerts than I can even count and would never tell Steven Tyler his music is too loud.
But when I’m trying to visit with someone and Rock n Roll is blaring, I get irritated.
I guess one-on-one contact with people is more important to me now.
And maybe I have hearing loss from all those loud rock concerts.
This is all me to a T < old people lingo. The one thing I take exception to is paying with exact change. As a freelance writer with never enough time, when I'm in line behind someone who must count out exact change I get highly annoyed at how inconsiderate that is. Why do that? To avoid having to carry the extra weight of a few coins? If there are five people behind you in line, taking the time to count out every penny reflects a lack of awareness of others. If no one's behind you, fine. Otherwise, pocket the change you end up with and put it in a jar at home.
I’m a freelance writer myself; I’ve been making a living this way since 2002. We tend to overestimate how much time we actually wait, I think. Surely someone counting out change generally takes no more than 90 seconds…? It just feels longer because we wish we were out of the store.
Unlike time spent in a traffic jam, it should be fairly simple to make up the minute or minute and a half. I understand that some people really are that split-second, e.g., they have to meet a school bus or make it home in time for a phone interview that starts promptly at 1 p.m. Otherwise, how big a deal is it, really? Especially since it likely doesn’t happen every day…?
Consider, too, that some people have to pay with change because that’s all they have. Back when I was a single mom I sometimes had to borrow coins from the baby’s piggy bank to buy milk a day or two before payday. I really was that broke.
Thanks for reading, and for leaving a comment.
I’ve changed into comfy clothes after coming home since my early twenties when I had an apartment to myself. I didn’t know it was an old people thing. ;oD
I really identify with the older I get, the fewer effs I give. I frankly don’t have the energy it takes to worry about it any more.
I pay with exact change when I can…did not know that is an old people thing!
I regularly shock younger people with stories of pre-internet travel. Like carrying Lets Go Europe for 3 months, getting around without GPS etc
I don’t think there is a ton of nourishment in it, however the taste is incredible and is only a bowl of solace. I begrudge your endowment of conversing with anybody. I am an educator and can converse with a group throughout the day and I get off-kilter. I don’t have my adjustment in a sack, however love to pay with precise change. For reasons unknown, it causes me to feel cheap.