The blogger at the The Quest for $85,000 is about to become an empty nester. Her son’s set to move out soon, which means all four fledglings will officially be launched.
It will be odd, she muses, to live “on my own terms again without worrying about the impact my choices will make on impressionable lives.”
Quest: You don’t know the half of it. For starters, you’ll be able to walk around in your skivvies without giving your progeny a sight they can’t un-see.
When I moved into my own apartment six years ago yesterday (happy anniversary to me!), I tried to add up how much time I’d ever spent living on my own. The total: About nine months in 47 years.
Some people are afraid to live alone. I loved it from the first night on. My place. My rules. My choices. No TV. No loud music. No one hogging the bathroom.
I don’t love every minute of it, but I love most of it. Here’s what I think about living alone in my early 50s.
The good stuff
One person = less mess.
I can eat out of the pan (pasta, chili, soup).
I can eat out of the can (fruit cocktail, pears, peaches).
I can have ice cream for breakfast. I don’t, mind you. It’s pretty much always oatmeal. But I could reach for Haagen-Dazs instead of Quaker if I wanted.
I can have oatmeal for supper, too, if I don’t feel like cooking.
The radio station stays where it’s set: 98.1 FM, Seattle’s classical choice. (It streams live, by the way, so check it out if you don’t have a classical station in your own region.)
There’s always enough hot water for a good long soak.
If something itches, I can scratch. No worries about being seen as unladylike. (That is, unless I forget to close the blinds.)
Dirty dishes are never left in the sink. (One of my pet peeves.)
If I feel like getting into bed with a good book at 6 p.m., then that’s the way I spend my evening.
If I want to stay up until 3 a.m. writing that’s OK too. (Sometimes I get my best work done in the wee hours.)
Speaking of wee: I don’t need to shut the bathroom door! Nor do I ever fall in late at night because somebody left the seat up.
The not-great stuff
It’s no fun to be single when:
You’re sick. There’s no one to pick up your prescription or bring you Powerade when you’re feverish. You also have to empty and rinse your own throw-up pail.
Something funny happens. There’s no one to turn to and say, “Did you see/hear that?”
You want someone to cook for you. Not a whole lot of options there. If you want food prepared just for you by someone else, you go to a restaurant. Thawing something you made and froze last month doesn’t count: It’s still your own one-pot glop.
The ants go marching. My kitchen is briefly infested each spring and fall. Apparently they’re seeking territory or some damn thing. All I know is that when I see the little stinkers crawling on the counter, I’m the one who has to deal with them, each and every time. Hurrah. Hurrah.
(Note: If you were dumb enough to click on that link, you deserve to have that song stuck in your head all day.)
Something scarier than an ant gets in. I am allergic to stinging insects but I have to kill any yellow jackets that get into my apartment.
Something scarier than a stinging insect is (maybe) trying to get in. I have never been burglarized in Seattle but occasionally a weird nighttime noise startles me awake. It’s probably just a raccoon or a drunk guy stumbling through the side yard, but it’s spooky. Why is it that I sleep through sirens (fire station one block away, police-infested Aurora Avenue three blocks over) but am awakened by snapping twigs?
You write something killingly swell. Nobody’s there to hear you read it aloud.
You write something that needs work. Empty chairs are lousy editors.
The toilet runs slowly or clogs. If I were sharing this unit I’d be responsible for only 50% of the closet-augering. (Yes, I have my own toilet snake. I’m just macha like that.)
It’s time to pay the rent. I’m responsible for 100% of that, too.
Single readers: What are your favorite/least favorite parts of living alone?
Married/partnered folks, especially parents: What would you give to be alone, even just for a few minutes a day?
You’ve pretty much covered the best parts, but the worst?
I can sum it up this way: if something, anything, needs doing, I’m up to bat. Mow the lawn, shovel snow, weed the garden, call the roofers, figure out what to do with the fireplace, chop wood, clean out the shed – short of hiring (!) someone to do something, I’m it.
But I’ve always said, I’d rather he happy alone, than miserable together. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go do dishes, then shovel the sidewalk 🙂
I’m a parent of 5. However, the oldest 3 are my stepchildren and so don’t live with us full time. Also, out of the oldest 3, 2 are full-fledged adults living on their own. Now, my youngest children are with me 75% of the time (first marriage), and the middle child, a stepchild, is with us on weekends only. Confused yet?
So I don’t have children every single night. There are usually 1 or 2 nights when I am child-free. Or rather WE are child-free. At times like this, we feel like we are living in a hotel. It’s SO QUIET. No one’s homework needs doing, piano lessons practiced, meals prepared for an army. I relish the child-free evenings, and when the kids return the next night, I’m refreshed and ready to receive them. I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone, but I must say my second marriage greatly benefits from regular breaks from being parents.
But you get to share your mind-blowing writing with the world via the internets! And we appreciate it.
And now for a shameless plug of our deliberately controversial post today… time alone during the day is an excellent reason for both parents to work and to send their kid to daycare. (Agree, disagree? We’ve got a comment section!) I’ve also been getting up at something like 6:30 in the morning for about an hour of “me” time.
The only time I have been on my own is pre-kids when my husband first started driving tractor-trailer, about 20 years ago. We lived on the second floor of a three family in a decent neighborhood, and for the most part it was just me and the cat. My husband would be home every couple of weeks or so. I have to admit I enjoyed it most of the time – eat what I want, go out when I want , watch the show I want, etc. I looked forward to getting a phone call from hubby every couple of nights or so and by the time two weeks had gone by I was happy when he was home again.
Now with two teens & hubby around, alone time is few & far between and I enjoy it when I can get it. Peace & Quiet! And then I look forward to when they are all home again and enjoy the kids while I can because in a few years they will be on their own and I’ll probably get a lot more the Peace & Quiet!!
I am married and have a young daughter. Recently by coincidence I got to spend an entire Saturday by myself at home and it was heavenly! I felt like a new woman. 🙂
Macha – I haven’t heard that one, but I like it. I’m married and still trying to convince my husband that I need my own tool box (he has 3, and nothing is where it’s supposed to be). I’m married but with no kids, so I can still walk around in my skivvies when I want. We’re talking about fostering an older child, though, so I should probably get my kicks while I still can. It’s nice to have a bug-catcher, but that backfires when he pokes fun at me for days afterward. The stupid thing we still argue over: the heat/ac settings in the car. He’s been complaining to me for three years now about my 11 year old fully ingrained habit of shutting the heat/ac off when I kill the engine. I figure it’s time for him to stop trying to change me and learn to love turning on the button when he cranks it. I gave up on the no-dishes-on-the-counter wish a loooong time ago (I’d rather have them in the sink if they’re going to be left anywhere).
I lived alone for several years while going to university (bad bad bad!). The worse: It was super challenging to cook for myself and I tended to become a bit of a recluse. The good: Everything was mine to do whatever I wanted with! It was great to decorate a place exactly how I wanted it.
I had a cat though, so it never felt like I was “alone”. 🙂
You’re spot on about everything, but I’d like to add something to it. Paul’s not here to fix anything, so now it’s just me.
My keyboard stopped working a couple of weeks ago, and that set off a bout of crying that would impress any Drama Queen out there. While I was having a fit and cursing Paul out for not being here to help me, I turned the keyboard over and realized that it wasn’t broken. It just needed new batteries. OOPS!
Thank God no one else was there to see how embarrassed I was 🙂
LOL you linked to me!! I feel honored 🙂 Now everyone’s gonna read about me and my hoarding!! haha
Great post ~ everything in it rings so true. The bitter and the sweet indeed. What would I give to be alone for a few minutes a day? Wow, back when the kids were younger, I HAD to have 30 minutes every morning to myself, alone in the bathroom getting ready for the day while listening to music. If I had that, I was set for the day ahead. Today, with the house emptying out as I type, I revel in the peace and quiet. There is no going back!
I, too, got to thinking about how much time out of my whole life have I ever been really alone? If I don’t count the two months I moved out of the parents’ house to room with two sailors when I was 19, the answer is never! And yes, despite the room being cheap and much closer to my job at that time, I couldn’t stand living with those guys any longer than that. LOL.
I feel as if I have the best of both worlds.. for now until my kids get older and go to bed after 8:00. My husband works 24 hour shifts, so 2-3 days out of the week are all mine after the kids go to bed. I can sit on the couch and eat a tub of ice cream, or pick my toenails, watch whatever I want on tv, and my marriage and sanity are better for it I think. I do get the nighttime creeps when I hear noises and it’s just me at home too, with the added pressure of “oh god if someone is breaking in I have to protect me AND the kids, by myself.” And my kids are still young enough that seeing me in my skivvies doesn’t freak them out yet. Can they stay this sweet and innocent forever??
When I was single, I love living alone and sometime find myself wishing I could just have a few days to myself. A few weeks ago, I was having a really bad day and was thinking that I just wished I be at home by myself and I would feel better. When I got home, my husband had cleaned the house, cooked dinner and heated my lounge clothes in the dryer so that they would be warm for me. It was at that moment that I realized how nice it is to have a friend and partner like my husband in my life. Now when I wish I could be alone, I try to be thankful for what I have.
I totally love living alone also, unless my kitty cat Bandit counts as a roommate. I was married to 2 different husbands who golfed, hunted, fished and coached, so I was alone alot then also, but had to put up with their bullying whenever they wanted company and I can’t tell you how happy I am to never put up with that misery again.
I adore living alone. Pure and Simple! Right now I have a housemate to share the rent and other expenses. She’s a good person and means well, but gets on my nerves a lot with her own way of doing things. I wish her well, but can’t wait to be on my own again as soon as possible. I don’t want scented candles/incense burning, dishes with bits of food in ’em in the sink, bleach on inappropriate items–avoid like the plague having her do any of my laundry (she wants to be helpful–nevermind). I like spicy food, she doesn’t. Goes on and on. I just want it my way since I CAN. HA!
Great article, I’ve got no idea but would love to have some peace and quiet once in a while. Right now I ‘m trapped in the house with a pissy teenager that doesn’t want to take out the trash. I envy you.
I’m single, living in an apartment building, working out of my home. There are occasions when I might as well be living with someone, when the noise from the neighbors and their kids gets too distracting. I’d rather have someone other than my cat around to keep me company, though. I do have my own opinions on the freedom of attire when living alone, but I wouldn’t want to breach any “TMI” barriers.
@Flexo: And we appreciate that restraint.
I’ve lived alone most of my adult life and prefer it that way. I’m also easier to get along with when I have my own space.
I’m also not crazy about living alone when I’m sick but it seems like even when I was living with someone, I still had to fend for myself! As for those strange sounds that wake you, Donna, wear ear plugs. They work like a charm.
When I was single, I liked living by myself but I never lived alone.
@DianaH: Um…..what?
Donna, you got it just right on the living alone pros and cons. I would like to be married to the right person, but cannot see me married to someone like I left! It doesn’t bother me one bit to take a walk at 3 am, but locked in my house at night–I better not hear a sound of squirrel, dropping nut, or creak of the house. For that reason I acquired a sound machine that is just white noise. In the summer (March-December) I run a window ac. Right now, a dehumidifier in the bedroom is great white noise.
For years I was plagued with tiny ants in the kitchen. I cooked from the table for about 8 months of the year. Nothing on the counter was safe. I am terrified of ants after an encounter with fire ants covering my leg to my panties. Vinegar, cinnamon, soapy water, and red pepper stopped the ants cold in their tracks for about a day. TERRO from Lowe’s worked magic. I tried making my own with sugar water and boric acid or borax, but I never got it right.
Tool box–my mother had a large lower drawer in the kitchen where she had tools that no one but her could touch. Okay, but she hounded you to bring it right back from the other room if anyone needed a hammer or anything. When I was married, my husband used a gallon freezer bag for a toolbox then yelled when the hammer fell through, like I did it. I hid my face and laughed at him. One of the first things I did upon divorcing was to get a tool box. Buy one.
I really hate killing any bug. Gross. But, I do. I hate removing dead animals. This year I handled a dead cat and a half-eaten hen. But, there is only me to do everything.
No one brought me medicine or cooked for me or even brought me a drink of water when I was ill and married. I dragged myself out of bed during any illness and cooked for the children because he would not. After the divorce, I was ill much less often!
I live alone, but I cheat. Every weekend I visit my parents who live 10 minutes away and offer to take the week’s leftovers. So I usually get homemade food that I didn’t cook and “help” them clean their fridge…
mwa ha ha! We NEVER eat ice cream for breakfast. Ohhh nooo, never!
Ondts! What a plague… Mine, too, like to come indoors once or twice a year. Last time I managed to beat them back by spraying them with home-made window cleaner: rubbing alcohol + water + a dash of vinegar + a dash of ammonia. Kills’m and doesn’t contaminate the air in your house for half a week. Once a marching battalion is defeated, sprinkle boric acid across the thresholds.
Wasps: not so big a problem. Towhees: yesh. They fly in the back door if I stupidly leave the screen hanging open; then panic and can’t remember how they got in. Augh!
This about bees and wasps: they love the color yellow, and they harbor a deep affection for honey and for sugar water. Find a flat yellow container; fill with sweetened water; place near an open door or window. Get out of the way. With any luck, this will attract the wasp and then she will find her way back to the sky, which is what she is searching for, assuming she’s not trying to build a nest under your soffits.
Solitude is precious, so worth these shenanigans. I’ll never give away my onliness again.
Teh good things about living alone is that I can skip a shower or shave and not worry about my appearance. I can stay up as late as I like or go to bed early and not be disturbed.
I mostly miss having a man around when I have phys8cally demanding things to do, like mowing the lawn, or figuring out various home improvements.
I’m married, but this school year is the first that I’m teaching only half-time, so I have quiet time to myself in the afternoons sometimes. (I also work another job, so it’s not all fun and games 😉 )
I have a very stressful job which requires enormous amounts of mental energy so by the end of a busy day, I am exhausted. And well, grumpy. Suffice to say, I am not good company.
It’s wonderful to come home to my nice quiet, empty apartment and do what ever I want. It’s the only way I can decompress after a tough day.
I did have a roommate last year for a few weeks. My brother’s dog. She was the best roommate I ever had.
I experienced one joy that I can only get away with because I am single …… I had cheesecake for dinner last night. Totally sinful.
I truly enjoy the single life because I don’t have to plan my life around others or a partner.