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Goodbye, too soon.

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How quickly one’s world can change. Last Wednesday my father had a fairly comfortable night’s sleep at Cooper University Hospital. But early Thursday morning I got the call no one wants to receive.

I am heartbroken to report that Dad died at 5:09 p.m. Eastern on Thursday, Nov. 5, after nine days of hospitalization with COVID.

As I write this it has been fewer than 48 hours since he left us. It seems like centuries.

That call was from my sister, telling me that organ failure had set in and Dad would soon be removed from the ventilator, per his stated request. Before that, the hospital was willing to arrange a “Zoom farewell,” a particularly modern invention. Because of the COVID protocol, no one could visit. But we could dial in on our phones, laptops or tablets.

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All Souls’ Day, with refreshments.

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(Note: I originally put this up as a Facebook photo and post. Because of the reactions, I decided to expand it a bit and post here for those who don’t do social media.)

Monday being All Souls’ Day, my partner constructed his usual altar to the memory of dead relatives. It’s hard to make out the details in the picture above, but in addition to photographs, a rosary, Mass cards and newspaper obituaries, there’s also a shot glass of whiskey, a cup of coffee, a glass of water, a pipe full of tobacco and a candy bar.

(The framed photo at the top left is of my mother, at age 11 or 12.)

Shortly after I took this picture DF added a Mexican Coca-Cola for Great-Great Grandma Myrt, who hated coffee but adored Coke. It had to be a Mexican Coke because those are made with sugar rather than the high-fructose corn syrup that U.S. bottlers use.

His 4-year-old granddaughter, whom I’ll call “Daisy” to protect her privacy, visited for a short time that morning. A child prone to wild flights of fancy – mostly in a good way – she was immediately fascinated by the idea of “the ancestors.” Possibly that’s because she’s a big fan of the animated film, “Coco,” which features the Mexican celebration of El Día de los Muertos.

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Monday miscellany: Murder houses.

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Want to pay less for real estate? Look for a place where someone died.

Myles Ma of Policy Genius has written an engaging piece called “How death can haunt (or help) your house hunt.” According to one of his sources, you can expect a 10 to 25 percent discount a house where someone died.

Morbid? Yeah, a little. That is, if you can actually find out what happened there. In 32 states you don’t have to disclose such information; in 15, you have to disclose if the buyer asks. The toughest laws are in California (death within past three years) and South Dakota and Alaska (one year prior).

It doesn’t have to be murder, incidentally. Some people just want to know if a person breathed his last in a place they’re thinking of buying.

One of the most geekily fascinating parts of the article has to do with the so-called “Murder House” – a Los Angeles manse where a season of the television program “American Horror Story” was filmed. The folks who bought the place are suing the realtors for allegedly not telling them that some creepy fans of that very creepy TV show known to, um, haunt the place. Some of them sleep just outside the property line and others have frequently trespassed to the point of actually trying to get into the house. Yikes.

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COVID comes calling.

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The other day I mentioned “other stuff” that had combined with website issues and a deadline avalanche to keep me from posting much, and promised an update soon. So here it is: My father, who recently finished radiation treatment for cancer, has been hospitalized with COVID. I don’t even like writing that. Imagine how I … Read more

Giveaway: Yet another gift card.

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First it was the technical difficulties. Then I was mostly buried under deadlines. Then some other stuff* happened.

As a result, it’s been more than three weeks since I last posted a giveaway, despite my pledge to do that every week.

So maybe I’ll up the frequency of these things, to get back on track for holiday shopping. I already have two more  giveaways of Alaska items planned, but posting them would have meant a lot of moving and re-sizing of photographs.

Due to the aforementioned issues, I haven’t had the brainwidth to do it. This way, I can re-use an illustration I already had on hand.

Besides, you guys love gift cards. So a gift card it will be! This time, anyway.

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Technical difficulties.

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Hello all: Due to some behind-the-scenes issues with my website, there will be a brief delay in new articles. I discovered this when I tried to move some photos into a pending post on Sunday and got….nothin’.

My web wizards at iMark Interactive are on it. Since a lot of work* apparently needed doing, it might take a day or two before I’m able to get back in and post consistently. 

Not “red ring of death” level bad. But pretty bad.

 

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“I can’t afford to retire.”

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One day last week I was trotting around a big-box store, using the Shopkick* app. I hadn’t planned to buy anything; I was there simply to rack up hundreds of points by scanning universal product codes with my phone.

Out of habit, I checked the clearance rack and saw a slightly dented can of tomato soup for 55 cents. Since winter is coming and I loves me a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup, I grabbed it.

The last Shopkick scans were right outside the store’s beauty section, which has its own cash register. Rather than go to the front of the store and stand in line, I asked if I could pay there.

The cashier wore one of those clear face shields to protect against the virus. She looked tired, pale and a bit stooped. As she scanned my order she said, “It’s my 73rd birthday today.”

I wished her a happy birthday and she smiled just a bit. Then I remarked that I was on my way over to visit a retired friend in her 70s, and would now tell her to get off her lazy behind and get a job.

The woman smiled again, a touch wistfully. “I can’t afford to retire.”

Boy, did I feel like a horse’s patoot. Here she was, obviously fatigued and having to stand for her entire shift, and there I was, making a clumsy joke about working in one’s 70s.

I took a closer look and she seemed older than 73. DF’s mom is 20 years older than that, but doesn’t seem“old.” Sure, she has a lot of wrinkles and is increasingly frail – 93 years will do that to a person – but she still takes both a daily walk and a lively interest in the world. Heck, she gives her great-granddaughter art lessons every week.

The cashier, on the other hand, seemed beaten-down by life. Perhaps she’d had bad luck: illness, job loss, a divorce that didn’t come out in her favor. Possibly she’d earned very little during her lifetime due to social pressures to stay home with a family and/or social mores that didn’t encourage women to seek highly skilled (or highly paid) employment. Could be she’d made bad money decisions due to a lack of financial education.

Whatever happened has left her where she is: weary, and working because she has no choice. Which is why I wanted to share her story with you. The moral of that story is simple:

 

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Monday miscellany: Money mediocrity edition.

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Note: Surviving and Thriving is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

This is the sixth year for Amazon Prime Day, but the first time that it happened so close to Christmas. Usually it takes place in mid-July; this year it starts at 3 a.m. Eastern Oct. 13 and winds up in 48 hours.

During that time you’ll see a lot of deals, some of which might be exactly what you want. Although I am an Amazon Prime member I have yet to take part in Prime Day. A single-mom relative of mine has used it to stretch her holiday budget, however.

It’s being said that Amazon is basically encouraging everyone to do their holiday shopping now. Apparently other retailers have the same idea, both in-store and online. Black Friday “previews” and “sneak peeks” are already showing up and may come out in force during the month of November.

According to Consumer Reports, the idea is to keep crowds down and thus reduce the risk of spreading COVID-19. Until I read that, I figured it was just another prime (as it were) example of “Christmas creep.” But the coronavirus angle makes sense, too.

To take advantage of Prime Day deals you must be a Prime member. You can do an end run around this by signing up for a 30-day free trial and canceling once Prime Day is over.

Consumer Reports has these tips for getting the most out of Prime Day:

 

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Giveaway: Another $25 gift card.

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The results are in: You guys really like gift cards. The previous gift card giveaway had 185 entries.

No surprises here. Gift cards can be used either for something you need or for something you want but couldn’t quite justify buying for yourself.

Here’s a good example: One commenter who’d previously won a gift card on my site said she used it to buy a signed copy of a book, thereby supporting a writer while indulging in something she would not otherwise have gotten. #winwin

Frankly, I wish the amount on the card were more generous. But I decided that I would rather give away a bunch of relatively small prizes than one or two big ones.

Besides, during the difficult days of the pandemic even $25 can make a difference in your life. That could mean getting a signed book, or it could mean being able to buy a few groceries or put gas in your car until the next cash – be it paycheck or unemployment benefit – comes in.

As a broke single mom, at times I had to take coins from the baby’s piggy bank to buy milk before payday. Always paid it back, but it caused me tremendous anxiety to have to open up that bank (even though the milk was for her).

 

That $25 gift card might also let you do a little holiday shopping, which was definitely something I thought about when planning this series of giveaways. While I’d never advise buying gifts that you can’t pay for in cash (or pay for in full when the credit card bill comes due), I also think it’s important to give.

 

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Cake is the answer. What was the question?

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The other day one of us (hint: it wasn’t me) removed from the freezer a container labeled “sour milk for cake.” It wound up in the fridge, where I eventually discovered it.

DF won’t exactly cop to having done this, but he did do it. Probably when he was rearranging the stuff in the freezer to make room for more things from the garden.

Technically I could have just refrozen it. After all, it was already sour – refreezing wouldn’t have affected the texture a bit.

Instead, I decided to stir up a quick Lightning Cake, from the old Fannie Farmer Cookbook. Pretty sure they named it that back in the day because it’s as fast as lightning to make.

It’s still fast to make, and it’s still delicious. DF took a huge chunk (almost half the pan) over to his mom, who’s 92 and possessed of less appetite than when she was young. I like to send pies, jams, cookies and cakes over because I figure the more calories we can get into her, the better.

The next day she phoned to report that she “ate the whole damn thing.”

Well, she’ll be getting another chunk tomorrow, because there was a lot of milk in that container. Also because the answer to many of life’s problems is simple: Cake.

DF’s granddaughters coming over? Let them make cake.

Feeling a little glum about deadlines? Let me eat cake.

Worried about how many sweets I’ve had lately? Let me share cake. Because rarely will someone complain if you bring over a slab of cake, even though some weight-conscious folk will react as though you’ve just introduced a stray cat: “That’s not staying here! You’re taking that home with you! (And can I have another piece?)”

 

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