S#!t my boyfriend says: He just won’t stop.

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Recently I read an article about feral hogs from Canada that might spread into the United States. Given my partner’s punny tendencies, you’d think a “Canadian bacon” joke would be forthcoming.

Nothing that simple issued forth, however. Instead, DF claimed there’s a group that wants to save those poor, downtrodden swine: “It’s called ‘Hamnesty International’.”

As regular readers know, my partner and I adore wordplay. They also know that every so often, I publish a collection of his best (worst?) efforts.

The habit was inspired by the “Sh*t My Dad Says” books/Twitter feed/television show. [As an Amazon affiliate, I may receive a small fee for items bought through my links.]

Obviously I don’t share all his puns. Some are too local, and some are too naughty. But some of them are too good (bad?) to keep to myself.

If you aren’t a fan of the lowest form of humor, you might want to stop here. The rest of you know what you’re in for, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Here we go:

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Giveaway: $25 Regal gift card.

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Wait…Didn’t I just have a movie gift card giveaway? Yes, I did. Now I’m having another one. This time around, it’s for the Regal theaters chain.

You might need to get away from it all after a little too much holiday family togetherness. And if times are tight right now, you could either sell the gift card (it’s a physical one) or give it as a holiday present.

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Always check clearance. Always!

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When visiting my daughter in Phoenix, I walk as often as possible. In part, that’s because I’m nowhere near a gym* but it’s also because (a) it gets me out of my daughter’s hair for a while** and (b) in the winter it’s such a delight to see sidewalks without ice.

By foot, it’s about one mile to a Walgreens. I always go in, even if I don’t need anything (or need to use the bathroom). That’s because my rule is always to check clearance. Most of the time I don’t find anything, but sometimes I score.

Last month, I scored big-time: three two-packs of replacement brush heads for our Sonicare toothbrush. They were Walgreens brand, but they fit. (I called DF to make sure before I bought them.) Each two-brush pack cost me 70 cents, or 35 cents apiece.

Typically, these brush heads cost anywhere from $1.99 to $13.74 (!) apiece. In other words, 468% to 3,825% more. Wow.

My dentist is happy. My budget is happier.

Clearance is (sometimes) your friend

It sounds like such a no-brainer. Such a simple thing to do. But it’s not true for everyone.

If you didn’t grow up watching someone sort patiently through piles of dross in hopes of finding a diamond, then “clearance” might be foreign territory to you.

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Giveaway: $25 AMC gift card.

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The winter holidays always represent a big Hollywood push. Whether the films are about any actual holidays doesn’t matter. Studios know that plenty of people are looking for a bit of escapism at this time of year. Some want to get away from the relatives who have descended. Others want to sneak away from the … Read more

Life as a personal grocery shopper.

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We found chicken for less than 12 cents per pound yesterday, a discovery too good to keep to ourselves. Instead, I did what I always do: Texted my niece and my neighbor to see how many packages they might want. While I never wanted to be a personal grocery shopper, I can’t keep deals like that to myself.

Those poultry deals were five-pound-plus packages of chicken drumsticks for 64 cents, and boneless, skinless, organic chicken breasts (2½ to 2¾ pounds) for $1.28 apiece.

We left the store with a lot of chicken. It helped them, and it helped us reach our goal of getting a free turkey* through a store offer.

Sharing deals is a sort of frugal ministry for me. Maybe it could be for you, too.

I’m not saying you must do this every time you hit the store. Or maybe at all, if it doesn’t fit your current life. But given how expensive food is getting, think what a gift this could be to others. 

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Should you get a store credit card?

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Black Friday is upon us, and retailers are ready not just to sell, but to lend.

That is, they’re ready to talk you into getting their proprietary credit cards. When you shop in-store, you’ll almost certainly get asked when you pay for your purchases. If you’re shopping online, a pop-up ad will probably follow you all the way to the “pay now” button.

The introductory offers may sound tempting. (Zero interest! Deferred interest! 30% off your first purchase!) But is a store credit card the best choice for you right now, or ever?

That depends. Store credit cards may have their place, especially for those trying to build or re-build credit, but they aren’t always a good idea.

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A long gap in writing.

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It’s been almost two months since I posted, a fact that shocked me. The last few weeks of summer, such as it was, kept us fairly busy with gardening and preserving the harvest. Work also played a hand in the long gap in writing. So did physical therapy, followed by my joining a gym* to continue to build strength and relieve pain.

Time seemed to blur and days/weeks began to blend. Before I knew it, another week had gone by. And then another. Who let that happen?

Not writing begets more not-writing. I freeze up and don’t know what to write, and then work starts tapping on my shoulder, and it’s time to pick more berries or dehydrate more greens. I’m tired in the evenings and want only to sit in the rocker next to DF’s armchair and read. The fact that people are sending me notes asking if I’m okay made me feel guilty, which caused me to freeze up some more.

All of which is a roundabout way of saying: I apologize for disappearing without even a placeholder  “Still here!” kind of blog post.

Fact is, I’m slowly backing away from work. I’m no longer grabbing every available assignment, or constantly looking for ideas to pitch. Not quite ready to retire yet, but I’m realizing more and more that I want time more than I need money.

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Support the reader economy: Giveaway #9.

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How’s your household budget doing? Yeah, mine too. Inflation is allegedly easing, but I haven’t noticed this much. In fact, gasoline is going back up and milk is now $4.29 a gallon.

The reason I started the “support the reader economy” giveaway series is to bring a (small!) boost to someone’s budget. Sad to say that $25 isn’t much these days – unless, of course, you’re $25 short on groceries or you need to get to work for two more days until payday.

Thus I am offering a $25 e-gift card of the winner’s choice, whether that’s a supermarket, gas station, big-box retailer or, yes, Starbucks. It’s hot out there, and if you’ve cut back on cold drinks (or drinks away from home, period) then a caramel macchiato whatchamacallit might be exactly the small boost you need to keep on keeping on.

Or maybe you’re thinking bigger-picture thoughts. For example, Hannukah is just 125 days from now, Christmas is 143 days away and Kwanzaa starts in 144 days. If you’re planning to give gifts, it’s a good idea to at least make a list. Bonus frugal points for starting (or having started) to look for affordable presents via clearance sections (virtual or IRL), yard sales and your Buy Nothing Facebook group. A $25 card to Target or Amazon or wherever might not make much difference, but it’s a start.

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Junk food: Sometimes it just tastes good.

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(Happy Throwback Thursday! This post, originally published in 2014, celebrates something called National Junk Food Day. This year NJFD is on Friday, July 21, but my blog, my rules. DF and I are still eating quite well, thanks to frugal food hacks, our garden and our never-ending search for good deals. That doesn’t keep us from eating some junk now and then, though. Here’s why.)

It’s National Junk Food Day, apparently. And me without a single Moon Pie in the house.

In fact, I’ve eaten quite well today. Breakfast was oatmeal made with half yogurt whey and half water and flaxseed, plus half of the last banana in the bunch (shared with DF, because I’m kind like that).

For lunch I had rice topped with roasted vegetables – carrots, broccoli, Walla Walla onions and home-grown turnip, plus a dish of homemade yogurt mixed with a spoon of homemade orange marmalade and more of that flaxseed.

If only I’d known about the holiday. I might have gone to McDonald’s for breakfast and Burger King for lunch. Nothing says “bad for you” like a single meal that holds all calories needed for the entire day (with way too many in the form of grease).

On the other hand, I did eat white rice instead of brown. So am I junking out sufficient to the day?

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Pain ’n’ torture.

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Still at a loss for Big Idea pieces, so I thought I’d just catch you up with how life is going lately. (Hints: Non-summer, pain ’n’ torture.)

Spring never did show up, and summer has been noticeably absent as well. We’ve had only a few days of true sun since mid-June. That’s frustrating, because spring and summer are what keep us going through the darkness and the crummy weather the rest of the year. After last year’s snowier-than-usual winter, I’d so looked forward to those endless summer days. Dang.

The lack of sun means a lack of heat. The garden is doing better than we could expect, but not nearly as well as last year. (Then again, last summer was a drought.) At the end of June 2022, we were eating strawberries and cucumbers. I wish. Meanwhile, the potatoes think they’re in Ireland and are exploding with growth. The peas and carrots, however, are complete laggards. I am very disappointed.

The strawberry plants are awash with blossoms, but only two berries have ripened – and they’d turned moldy by that time due to the frequent rains. That was disappointing, but we hold out hope for the rest of the blooms. It can’t rain forever, right? Right???

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