modern life

Extreme frugality: Holiday attitude edition.

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(This is another in an occasional series of articles focusing on saving serious dough. A little background can be read here.)

Part of me thinks it’s a bit late to bring up the holidays, since some people have already finished their shopping and have their decorating plans well underway.

Then again, I expect lots of people have barely begun, because 2020 has sucked as relentlessly as gravity. Heck, April lasted something like 22 weeks and the pre- and post-election antics have left my head spinning. How about yours?

Money is a bigger-than-usual issue this year. #ThanksCOVID Layoffs, work slowdowns and dismal business returns have left some people frankly terrified. Should they spend on gifts and tinsel when they’re worried about being able to make the rent next month?

Spoiler alert: Some do. CreditCards.com surveyed 2,369 U.S. residents and almost half were willing to acquire debt (or sink deeper into it) to prepare for Dec. 25.

Here’s another sign of the times. Recently the Buy Nothing Facebook group to which I belong split into three smaller groups. One former member reports that her new group has very few giveaways but is replete with requests – many of them for food.

That led me to wonder how many of those Buy Nothing giveaway items are going to constitute a big part of Christmas for some households, both in that group and in my own. Certainly I’ve seen responses like, “This would be a great Christmas gift for my son” or “We’d love to get those decorations because we don’t have any and it’s been a tough year.”

So maybe it’s not too late for me to write about this topic. Maybe it’s the perfect time. 

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“I can’t afford to retire.”

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One day last week I was trotting around a big-box store, using the Shopkick* app. I hadn’t planned to buy anything; I was there simply to rack up hundreds of points by scanning universal product codes with my phone.

Out of habit, I checked the clearance rack and saw a slightly dented can of tomato soup for 55 cents. Since winter is coming and I loves me a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup, I grabbed it.

The last Shopkick scans were right outside the store’s beauty section, which has its own cash register. Rather than go to the front of the store and stand in line, I asked if I could pay there.

The cashier wore one of those clear face shields to protect against the virus. She looked tired, pale and a bit stooped. As she scanned my order she said, “It’s my 73rd birthday today.”

I wished her a happy birthday and she smiled just a bit. Then I remarked that I was on my way over to visit a retired friend in her 70s, and would now tell her to get off her lazy behind and get a job.

The woman smiled again, a touch wistfully. “I can’t afford to retire.”

Boy, did I feel like a horse’s patoot. Here she was, obviously fatigued and having to stand for her entire shift, and there I was, making a clumsy joke about working in one’s 70s.

I took a closer look and she seemed older than 73. DF’s mom is 20 years older than that, but doesn’t seem“old.” Sure, she has a lot of wrinkles and is increasingly frail – 93 years will do that to a person – but she still takes both a daily walk and a lively interest in the world. Heck, she gives her great-granddaughter art lessons every week.

The cashier, on the other hand, seemed beaten-down by life. Perhaps she’d had bad luck: illness, job loss, a divorce that didn’t come out in her favor. Possibly she’d earned very little during her lifetime due to social pressures to stay home with a family and/or social mores that didn’t encourage women to seek highly skilled (or highly paid) employment. Could be she’d made bad money decisions due to a lack of financial education.

Whatever happened has left her where she is: weary, and working because she has no choice. Which is why I wanted to share her story with you. The moral of that story is simple:

 

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Cake is the answer. What was the question?

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The other day one of us (hint: it wasn’t me) removed from the freezer a container labeled “sour milk for cake.” It wound up in the fridge, where I eventually discovered it.

DF won’t exactly cop to having done this, but he did do it. Probably when he was rearranging the stuff in the freezer to make room for more things from the garden.

Technically I could have just refrozen it. After all, it was already sour – refreezing wouldn’t have affected the texture a bit.

Instead, I decided to stir up a quick Lightning Cake, from the old Fannie Farmer Cookbook. Pretty sure they named it that back in the day because it’s as fast as lightning to make.

It’s still fast to make, and it’s still delicious. DF took a huge chunk (almost half the pan) over to his mom, who’s 92 and possessed of less appetite than when she was young. I like to send pies, jams, cookies and cakes over because I figure the more calories we can get into her, the better.

The next day she phoned to report that she “ate the whole damn thing.”

Well, she’ll be getting another chunk tomorrow, because there was a lot of milk in that container. Also because the answer to many of life’s problems is simple: Cake.

DF’s granddaughters coming over? Let them make cake.

Feeling a little glum about deadlines? Let me eat cake.

Worried about how many sweets I’ve had lately? Let me share cake. Because rarely will someone complain if you bring over a slab of cake, even though some weight-conscious folk will react as though you’ve just introduced a stray cat: “That’s not staying here! You’re taking that home with you! (And can I have another piece?)”

 

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Automatic forwarding: Please stop it.

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(Happy Throwback Thursday! Given the current hullaballoo about the election in general – and that ghastly debate in particular – I decided to bring this article back. Originally published on April 12, 2012, its central message seems more urgent than ever.)

Recently a friend sent an e-mail to me (and a bunch of other people) asking for prayers for a battalion of Marines that had lost nine soldiers in four days.

It included this sentence:

 

“Nothing in the media about these guys because the news does not seems to care.”

 

In fact, this incident was reported by a number of media outlets – when it actually happened.

I wrote back to her: “All soldiers can use our prayers. However, this is an outdated post. The 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines were in Afghanistan from October 2010 until April 2011.” In the note I included a fact-checking link to show her where I had retrieved the information.

She replied, in part: “I guess you’re into extreme details. … You really could have just ignored the request.”

No, I couldn’t. Here’s why.

 

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Monday miscellany: Decision fatigue edition.

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Note: Surviving and Thriving is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

“Decision fatigue” is hitting women hard during the pandemic, according to the HerMoney newsletter from money expert Jean Chatzky. A leadership coach and resiliency expert named Beth Benatti Kennedy reports a widespread issue among her clients: “I’ve never had to think about so many personal and work decisions.”

These women were already busy before COVID-19. Here’s what their lives look like now, Chatzky says:

“In an average day, women are making decisions for their families regarding school, play, meal planning, cleaning, pets, who goes to the grocery store, and whether or not risk for catching the virus should be taken in order to go to an event or have an experience, and all this is being done alongside a paying job for which you’re hoping to have a nice quiet office space in which you can comfortably earn a living.

“If it sounds like a pipe dream, that’s because it is. Because working from home has removed the boundaries that helped separate work and life, women are now working longer hours and are unable to turn work (off).”

That’s some serious fatigue.

 

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Monday miscellany: Single-mom stimulus grant edition.

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Note: Surviving and Thriving is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

On March 26, writer Emma Johnson created the 2020 Kickass Single Mom Stimulus Grant. Since then she’s given away a $500 cash grant every week to single moms in need.

The criteria are pretty simple:

You are a single mother.

You need the money right now.

If that’s you, head over to Wealthy Single Mommy and apply for the grant. And if you don’t need the grant but know of other single moms in need? Please share the link.

This is a no-strings deal, according to Johnson. Having worked with her, I can say if she says she’s going to do something, she does it. No BS.

 

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Holiday shopping in the time of COVID.

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(Surviving and Thriving has partnered with CardRatings for our coverage of credit card products. Surviving and Thriving and CardRatings may receive a commission from card issuers. Opinions, reviews, analyses and recommendations are the author’s alone, and have not been reviewed, endorsed or approved by any of these entities.)

Some 71 percent of U.S. residents plan to go online for most of their holiday shopping this year, according to a new survey from CreditCards.com. Will you be one of them?

I sort of hope not.

Local stores have already been hammered by the novel coronavirus. Some are barely hanging on. If there’s another stimulus check – and even if there isn’t – I plan to do much of my shopping here in town.

Note that I said “much.” A bunch of my gifts won’t actually be physical gifts, but rather gift cards that I get from rewards programs like Swagbucks and MyPoints or from my rewards credit cards.

But I’ll also be visiting some local shops with beautiful and/or practical gifts.

Sure, I could go online for pop-culture items for my nephew and niece, or cash in some of those rewards points for chain pet stores. But I’d much rather head over to Bosco’s or the Anchorage PetZoo and leave my dollars here in town.

 

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Reminding myself of the good.

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The ongoing COVID lockdown and its associated nationwide healthcare and financial woes have left me feeling both detached and hyper-focused.

I don’t care much about anything, yet I worry nonstop about another massive recession (or, dare I say, a depression).

On the topic of depression: I remain very concerned about what the prolonged COVID isolation is doing to my daughter’s mental health.

(This is not meant to infantilize her. Quite the contrary: I’m in awe of her strength. But it’s a mom thing. We worry.)

To make matters much, much worse, I recently learned that my dad has cancer. He is optimistic – and he’s also 84, and aware that he’s had a pretty damn good run – but I struggled with the news.

Taken together, the result has been me wanting to bury myself in reading whenever I’m not working. It’s a handy way to numb my reactions to Just About Everything.

This was once an unhealthy coping mechanism, because the numbing was nonstop. Suspended animation was my go-to response to anguish, and I spent decades in emotional exile. If I buried myself in a book, or took on freelance assignments in addition to my day job, I’d be far too busy to take honest stock of my life and what was really going on.

These days, the numbing is not prolonged. It’s more of a pause than a freeze.

Specifically, it’s me working my way through the bad stuff by allowing myself to acknowledge it. I’ve found that it’s easier just to admit you’re scared than to fight being scared. Yes, my dad is sick; yes, the country’s economy is in a horrible place; yes, I am concerned about my daughter. It all stinks. Now: What are you going to do about it?

On Friday I stopped in the middle of an editing gig to write down the following phrase: “Reminding myself of the good.” Then I went back to editing, knowing that emotional work was likely going on under the surface.

It was.

 

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Poor, poor (but not pitiful) me.

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(Happy Throwback Thursday! This piece originally ran on July 21, 2015. Right now seemed like a good time to remind ourselves that a lot of the things we think are necessities really aren’t.)

The response to my early-June reboot of “Surviving (and thriving) on $12,000 a year” was humbling. It was great to see reader comments about the impact this piece had on their lives.

When the post originally ran (January 2007) it got more response than anything else MSN Money published that year. The editor immediately said, “Write another one.” So I did.

The headline I chose was the one you see above; it got changed to “Living ‘poor’ and loving it.” (I refrain from comment.)

I’ve decided to re-boot the second piece as well, again in its original format vs. the MSN-edited version. Once again, asterisks indicate that updates can be found at the end.

Comedian Dick Gregory grew hungry and cold in an impoverished home. Yet his mother always assured the kids, “We ain’t poor, we’re just broke.”

 

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Back in Alaska, and gardening.

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I’m back from my emergency trip to Phoenix, and just off two weeks of self-quarantine. Alaska has had relatively few cases of COVID-19 and the city in which I live requires travelers to stay put for 14 days.

How I’m doing:

Happy to have had the chance to offer some emotional support to my daughter.

But also apprehensive that Arizona’s skyrocketing virus cases are going to continue to erode Abby’s well-being.

Feeling a constant low-level dread about COVID’s physical, emotional and financial impacts on the country.

Also feeling very, very happy to be back with my dearest partner, and back here in the coolth. The temperature in Phoenix was routinely more than 100 degrees, and as high as 113.

By contrast, we’ve had a few fireplace insert nights since I returned, a continuation of our cooler-than-usual spring. (It was 43 degrees this morning.) As a result, the garden is growing rather slowly.

Except for the English cucumbers. When I got back they looked like this:

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